The Beginning After the End
by ComingToYouLive
Summary: After Cheryl goes to prison, Brendan must overcome a life-threatening obstacle in order to piece his life back together.
1. Chapter 1: The Promise

Brendan unplugged the phone. He turned and looked at Cheryl, who was sitting at the bottom of the Chez Chez stairs. The sirens outside crept their way through the thick, paint-peeled walls and rung out through their ears. They were in deep trouble.

''What are you doing?'', she asked.

''We need to get our stories straight before we talk to anyone'', he said softly, shaking his arms slightly.

''We can't lie our way out of this one, Bren. I think I need to just go out there with the gun, I need to tell them what I did''. ''_Out there'', _Brendan thought to himself. Steven was out there. He's probably scared stiff. He couldn't even imagine the thoughts going through Steven's head right now. He shook Steven out of his head immediately, because if he didn't then he wouldn't be able to do what he was about to say.

''No'', Brendan said, approaching Chez at the bottom of the steps.

''I don't have a choice'', she refuted. She wasn't giving up without a fight. She was as stubborn as Steven sometimes.

''You do that and you'll get life''.

''I know''.

''You're not going to prison''.

''He's dead because of me''.

''You've got your whole life ahead of you. It's not being taken away, not like this, not today''. Cheryl began to feel tears welling up in her ears, and whimpered as she tried to hold them back. Brendan knelt before her and placed a hand on the back of her neck.

''Hey, don't cry'', he said looking deep into her eyes, '' I can fix this''.

''You can't'', she cried, '' I killed him''.

''No, you didn't. I did. Do you know what unconditional love is, Chez? Unconditional love is standing in front of somebody and taking a bullet for them''. Cheryl looked at him in horror of what he was suggesting. ''Taking the hit''. He gave her a loving smile that he knew looked unconvincing. '' I'm taking that bullet for you''. He though back to last year, October 1st, when he stood in front of that gun for Steven, he'd do anything for Steven, and the ones he loves. He'd have taken that bullet one hundred times for Steven, because back then it's what him and Cheryl would have wanted. He tried to kiss Ste that day, got turned down and all, Steven didn't love him anymore, he does now though. Brendan quickly erased Ste from his mind, didn't want to think about what he was about to do to his true love, what he was sacrificing, but one thought stuck there: _he does now though._

* * *

''So why can't you just go in there?'', Ste questioned.

''Because we have to follow procedure'', the detective said, dismissing him and walking away, but Ste wasn't having it.

''So, you're just gonna stand here and do naut?'', he said, angrily flailing his arms in the air.

He turned back to Ste, ''We're gonna continue to try and make contact and exhaust all over avenues''.

''Then what?'', he said, tears welling up in his eyes, not even trying to hide it.

''Please, sir, just let us do our job'', he said, growing impatient with all of the questions being thrown at him. As he tried to walk away Ste raised the barrier and tried to follow him but found himself being manhandled by another officer.

''Yeah, this is you're job, right? Him in there that's my life! Please?'', he begged.

''We'll do everything we can'', he snapped, raising his eyebrows at him and waled away. Conversation over. Ste turned at looked at the club above him. _What's happened? What's happened to Brendan? What if he's hurt? What if he's dead? How would that have happened? Did he top himself? Kevin? Walker? Seamus? What about Cheryl? Where is she? _Ste couldn't handle all these thoughts and emotions all at once. He rubbed his eyes and snapped out of it. _He'll be okay._

Cheryl remained on the bottom step, staring at the floor below her, ignoring all the shifting and rattling noises that Brendan was making at the table at the other side of the room. He was wiping down the gun with a cloth, frantically removing all evidence of Cheryl shooting Seamus.

''Listen to me. You heard a shot, came into the club...'', she was shaking her head disapprovingly towards the ground, not looking at him, and he didn't look at her, '' you saw him lying there'', he continued, ''you saw me standing over him'', he sighed, ''gun in hand''.

''No''. He completely ignored her.

''Then I fired the gun again to stop you from running away and calling the police''.

''Do you think I could live with myself knowing what I've done?''.

''What you've done is stop any other kid through what I went through by his hands. What you've done is made this world a better place''. She finally turned to look at him and saw determination in his panicked eyes.

''I'm not gonna let you die in prison because of something I've done, no way!''.

''I'm not gonna die in prison never gonna happen''. He was becoming agitated at her refuting.

''You can't protect me forever!-''.

''Ah, yes I can! Yes I can!'', he shouted, banging the table roughly with his fists and Cheryl felt fear creep up on her. She rarely saw her brother in this state. She was close to tears. ''i can't let him win, okay? Because of what that sick parasite did to me as a kid, we have landed here'', he said rising to his feet and walking towards Cheryl. ''We were so close weren't we? All of us we were so close. You, me and Steven, we finally got it right and what happens? He turns up and he starts tearing everything apart. Walkers dead. Dad is dead. And what are they doing? They are laughing from the grave. Why? Because they got what they wanted, they're tearing us apart. Nobody is gonna take your life away from you. Nobody''.

''You don't get how to say how it goes all the time''. Cheryl found herself crying, her voice shaking. Brendan turned 360 degrees and raised his hands out, tensely.

''Oh, you think I want this I don't want this. I don't want his'', he whispered. ''The things I've done, I should have been banged up in prison a long time ago. You know that. It just catches up with you in the end, doesn't it?''.

''I'm not that little girl anymore''.

''Don't!'', he winced, raising his index finger in the air.

''Bren, please, listen to me'', he cried, walking over to him to stop him pacing around the room and placed her hands on his shoulders, ''Babe. I'm not that little girl anymore who's in the bedroom next door to you, okay? She is all grown up now, she can look after herself''.

''Hey, you've got everything ahead of you now, you've got Nate to look after you''.

''No''.

''Yes, yes. Your life is not going to end before it even gets started, huh?''.

''You and Ste?'', she said. He nods, trying to push Steven out of your head before he makes you change your mind about all of this. If he shot Seamus he would have done the same for him. His heart breaks inside his chest as he thinks about his final kiss with Steven. _Was it the one he gave me earlier? Or will we get one more chance before I leave him forever?_. He quickly snaps out of it though.

''Oh, so close''.

''No, I can't. I'm sorry but I'm not letting my brother go to prison again, no way'', she said nodding and walking towards the table beside her. Brendan smiled angrily and closed his eyes and prepared for what he was about to reveal.

''And when I tell you your brother killed our Nanna, then what?''. Cheryl turned around and a single tear fell down her face.

''No'', she cried.

''Yeah''.

* * *

Darren arrived outside the club in all the commotion and approached Ste how was frustratedly sat on the sidelines behind the barrier. His voice was low under the even louder voice talking through a mega-phone above him. ''Hey! Ste! What's happened?''.

''There's been a shooting inside the club but nobody's doing anything, nobody's telling me anything!''. Darren rested his hands on Ste's arms comfortingly.

''Hey, hey mate calm down'', he said soothingly.

''I don't even know if he's alive, Darren, alright? I shouldn't have left him, why did I leave him?''.

''Is Seamus in there?''. Darren's words burned his skin. _Why would anybody care about Seamus after everything he's done? _

''What? I don't know, why?''.

''Cause I'm about to make his night''.

''She knew and she didn't say anything?'', Cheryl said, looking at Brendan for hope that he's lying. This time, she wants to be lied to.

''No''. Cheryl felt her world come crashing down around her.

''You know, we could go out there and tell them the truth, we could go out there together with the gun, tell them what was doing to you, I think they'll believe us''. Brendan smiled and walked to her. She was back sitting on the bottom step of the stairs.

''I am gonna do that but you weren't involved''.

''Brendan?''. Brendan took off his suit jacket and placed it around her shoulders.

''It's time'', he muttered.

''No, not yet'', she cried, shaking her head frantically. He bent down to her and rubbed her hands in his.

''Hey'', he whispered softly, ''It's gonna be okay''.

''This isn't happening, this isn't happening''.

''Everything's gonna be just fine'', he reassured her. But it wasn't. Not for him, not for her, not for Steven. Steven. ''I love you''. He wasn't sure if he said it to Steven or to her, but it didn't matter. He loved them both, and was leaving them both. ''I'll love you more than you'll ever know''. That was for Cheryl, because he thinks Steven knows how much he loves him. ''You were the only one that never let me down''. He needed to say it, because it was true. Steven had let him down. Told him he hated him, stole the deli off him, pretended to want to get back with him, hit him over the head with a baseball bat, told Cheryl he was gay, thought he was guilty of rape, married someone else.

But none of that matters now. None of that ever mattered, because nothing Steven could ever do would make Brendan stop loving him. Nothing. Because he loved him unconditionally. And plus, what Brendan did to him was so much worse. If Brendan could turn back time and undo it all to the point where he kissed Steven he would. He would have accepted who he was from the start, and would have never let Ste go, would have never laid a finger on him, except to lovingly touch him. He'd give anything.

''I love you too'', she smiled, and Brendan returned that smile, relieved that she still loved him after everything he had done and said, and huffed a laugh. ''What's gonna happen now?''.

''Nothing for you to worry about. You just sit here, you don't follow me out''.

''I won't''.

''Promise me''.

''I promise''. Brendan gave her another short small smile before sighing, standing up and taking a deep breath.

''Well, you know I'm not one for goodbyes, so I'm just gonna go up there''.

''Brendan? I'm sorry''. He immediately tutted at her.

''Don't''.

''I am so sorry for not being the better sister. For being the sister that you needed''. She was crying now, tears flowing down her face. It was almost like she was the one giving up her life.

''Ah, Chez'', he dismissed her, ''you were so much more'', he smiled. She nodded, still crying, and closed her eyes. The officer using the mega-phone outside blasted through the walls. The sound was an indication that it was time for Brendan to leave.

''Okay'', he muttered and walked past her up the stairs, and as he did so Cheryl burst into tears, gasping for breath, her breathing hitch and wobbly as she cried. She turned and looked up him and he looked back at her.

''Bye'', she said, and he gave her a smile in return, and he continued walking up the stairs to the bar. He turned and looked around. This place had so much history, it was a huge part of his life. This is where he made his first move on Ste two and a half years ago down in the cellar. The night before had been the most important night to him in his entire life. He looked towards the office where he remembered the time Mitzeee had burst Rae's bubble and let her into the office to see what he was doing with Steven.

He looked at the middle of the room, where he had kissed Steven for the first time in public, and it made him smile that he got back at Foxy that time. He would be joining him soon. He looked at the bar and remembered the time Steven came to him before Dublin, wanting Brendan to ask him to stay, and they kissed, but he had to push Steven away because Brendan brought nothing but pain into Steven's life. Still does. He looked at Seamus' body on the other side of the room. Brendan understood why Cheryl did what she did. She did it for him. Brendan did it for Steven, when he killed Danny Houston, when he killed Walker. They deserved to die, all of them.

He looked at the balcony door and took another deep breath, and he reluctantly walked towards it. He was giving up so much. He placed his hands on the bar and gripped it, pushing it down, and stepped out. Blinding blue lights distorted his vision slightly. The first thing he saw was Steven below, and his heart sank. He looked up and saw a helicopter above, and snipers perched out on the arch across the village, waiting for him to make the wrong move. S.W.A.T teams waited below, but didn't dare move. Dozens of police vans and cars and ambulances were scattered out across the streets.

He stepped out further and looked into the light being shone down on him from the helicopter above and closed his eyes and took another deep breath.

''Brendan!'', Ste called, walking to the barrier, and Brendan was thankful Darren was there to hold him back to restrain him from doing something stupid.

''Get down, now!'', the officer with the mega-phone demanded, and Ste's face dropped with worry. Brendan raised his hands on his head and sighed.

''My name is Bren-''.

''My name is Cheryl Brady and this is my confession!''. Brendan turned to his left and saw Cheryl walking out the door onto the balcony. He gave her a stern look that she ignored.

''What are you doing?''.

''This is my mess, Brendan! You're not going down for something that I've done!''.

''No, you have to let me do this. I have to pay for what I've done''. He was desperate and needed this. She turned to him and gave him a loving smile. Everything around them had vanished and all they could see was each other.

''You need to be with Ste now. You need to give him the future he deserves. You can't turn your back on him. Not again. Not now''.

''No, I need to give you the future you deserve!''. She smiled at him again and turned to the commotion below. Nate was resisting confinement calling for her. She loved him so much.

''Tonight, I shot my own father in cold blood. I am responsible for the murder of Seamus Brady'', she said, turning towards the Chez Chez stairs and raised her hands on her head as Brendan lowered his.

''Chez, please'', he begged, as she walked past him.

''Goodbye, Bren. I love you so much'', she said, tears flowing down both their faces.

He bowed his head to the ground, trying to hold down the tears as she walked down the stairs, but they just kept coming. ''I love you too!'', he shouted to her, and she smiled as she accepted her faith. The officers roughly grabbed her arms and put cuffs around her wrists and slid her into the back seat of a car and was taken away, forever.

He felt numb and limp and walked slowly down the stairs as officers rushed past him to the scene of the crime. He continued walking and his heart broke as he saw Steven waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs. He had teary eyes and had red circles around his strained eyes. Brendan collapsed into his arms and let out all his anger and sadness as he cried into his shoulder. It's been three months since they were last in this position. Brendan gripped his back as tightly as possible without hurting him, something he knew he would never do again, and nothing could have persuaded him to let go.

* * *

Brendan's eyes shot open. He was in Steven's sitting room,on the sofa. His head was rested against Ste's chest, who was still asleep under him. Steven was still wearing the clothes from the night before, and so was Brendan. Steven's right arm was wrapped behind Brendan's neck and gripping his own right arm, holding him closer. Brendan never felt so safe. He really has changed. He knows because he's actually enjoying letting Steven take care of him. He wants him to. He wants to know that Steven still cares.

The world has become a much safer place this week. Seamus and Walker were now dead. As heartbroken as he was over Cheryl, he felt slightly relieved that Steven at least was safe, and Seamus and Walker were both gone. That reminded him, he has to identify the body today. He lifted Ste's arm from around him slowly and placed it at Steven's side gently. He stood and went to the kitchen and put the kettle on, made two coffees and sat back down beside Steven, coffees in hand.

He gave Steven a small nudge. He was a light sleeper. ''Hey'', Brendan said softly, ''there's a coffee here for you''. Ste rubbed his eyes and sat forward. He gave Brendan a light look.

''I'm supposed to be the one taking care of you, remember?''. Brendan gave a weak smile as Ste grabbed his coffee from the table.

''Thank you, Steven''.

''For what? I haven't done anything''.

''Thank you for being you. For putting up with me. For always being there for me when I need you the most. I love you so much''. He suddenly feels the urge to tell him how he feels, because you never know when a person can be taken away from you.

''Brendan?''. Brendan replied with a _''hmm?'' _and looked Ste in the eyes. ''I'm sorry too''.

''For what? You said it yourself, you haven't done anything''.

''I'm sorry for the things I said''. Brendan still wasn't following. ''Last week''. Brendan raised his eyebrows and felt searing pain beginning to overcome his chest.

''Ah'', Brendan said dismissively, shaking his head and staring at the floor.

''No, what I said was horrible. I was just running out of patience last week, that's all. I'm so sorry for ever doubting you''.

''Steven, I don't blame you after everything I've done. I deserved it all''.

''Brendan, you didn't deserve any of it. I love you, yeah?''. That was all Brendan needed to hear and he gave him a peck on the lips and muttered, ''I love you too. I'm gonna take a shower and get cleaned up, I've got a lot to sort out today''. He stood up and left for the bathroom, and Ste watched him while drinking his coffee.

* * *

Brendan hadn't worn anything smart, had traded his usual attire of a suit to baggy trackies and shoes. He wasn't going anywhere special after all, but this was very important. He had to talk to Nate. He walked into the village for the first time since last night. He stopped outside the deli and looked through the window. Dougie was there, continuing his day as if nothing had happened. Cindy was in Price Slice, busy with customers. She was never really that close to Chez anyway.

He turned and looked towards the club. It had police lines wrapped around the balcony and at the entrance to the courtyard and a big blue board of wood covered the side entrance. He quickly turned and approached the long stair ahead of him. When he got to the top he stopped outside Number 2. He raised his hand to the door, but didn't knock. What would he say? What can he say? Tell him everything's gonna be okay, even when it's not? He turned and walked to the wall behind him and looked down over the village, and remembered the panicked state it was in compared to how it is now, calm and empty.

After 5 or 10 minutes waiting outside, he knocked. The door didn't open until Brendan knocked a second time. Nate opened it. He looked like a sleepy mess. It was understandable. His hair was all ruffled up and he hardly made an effort to get dresses, much like Brendan. He was wearing a vest, slippers and a dressing gown. It was a huge change to the posh outfits he usually wore. His accent wasn't as thick as it usually was. His body ached, probably hasn't slept all night.

''Hi'', Brendan said softly, so quiet it was almost inaudible. He entered the flat and noticed that it was missing a lot of furniture. The police had probably raided the flat earlier this morning. Brendan entered the kitchen and flicked the switch on the kettle. ''What a coffee or tea or...?''. He turned around to see Nate standing over him, a look of determination on his face.

''Cut the crap, Brendan. I want answers about last night. Now''. Brendan swallowed harshly, and his throat hurt as he did so.

''Okay, come on'', he said, motioning towards the door. He left, didn't even look to see if Nate was following, he was though. Brendan knew. He sprinted down the steps and towards the side door of Chez Chez, moving the big blue wooden board out of his way. He moved quickly, he didn't want anyone to know he was there. Nate followed him in, he didn't even put anymore clothes on, just his pajamas. He was freezing but he didn't care, didn't care about anything anymore. Brendan slowly walked up the steps and to the bar.

He scanned the room. Seamus' body had thankfully been removed this moring, but the police weren't done with it yet. He motioned towards one of the bar stools and looked at Nate. ''There'', he said. ''That's where I was sitting. When he came in. That's where I was sitting''.

''I'm sorry but I think I'm missing something, here'', Nate said.

''When I was eight years old my father raped me''. Nate's face didn't stir. He knew already. Brendan told him. ''But last week he said he was sorry. He said... He came up here last night, told me he didn't mean it, told me I was being a bold boy. Then he...'', Brendan exhaled a wobbly breath. ''Then he tried to rape me again, and that's when Cheryl came in''.

Nate's lip began to shake, he felt sick, but he stayed quiet. ''She knew'', Brendan muttered. ''Walker sent her a video on a memory stick, she knew. She was holding Walker's gun from last Friday. She found it under the sofa, came over and saw what he was doing to me. Pulled the trigger. I wanted to save her, I did, but she wouldn't let me''. Brendan felt tears fall down his face. ''I walked out onto the balcony, was about to confess to a murder I didn't commit. But she stopped me, admitted to it first. I wanted to I did, I wanted to give her the future she deserved. Deserves''. Brendan looked into Nate's eyes waiting for what he would say next.

Nate didn't say anything for a while. Wanted to absorb what Brendan had just told him. It was a lot to take in. ''Thank you''. Brendan gave him a soft, weak smile.

''What are you gonna do now, Nate?''.

''I don't know. We had our whole lives together yesterday, but now... now I have nothing''. This was heartbreaking for Brendan. He didn't really know Nate, but he knew what it was like to lose the person you love.

''You gonna stay here?''.

''No. Too much history. I've only been here just over a month and I'm already sick of it''.

''Where you gonna go?''.

''I don't know to be honest. Cheryl doesn't want me to go see her. Ended it. It had to end there. I've nothing left for me here now. I might go back to South Port, maybe I'll go to Ireland as planned, or go somewhere else. Anywhere but here''. Brendan approached Nate and gave him a hug.

''I'm sorry, Nate''.

''Yeah, me too''. Neither of them moved for a while, until Brendan realised he had to be somewhere.

''I have to go'', he whispered soothingly. Nate broke the hug.

''Yeah, okay''.

''I have to identify the body today''. Nate sighed. He knew it was hard for Brendan, but not because his father was dead, but because he had to look at the man who tried to rape him last night. His own father.

''Do you want me to come with you?''.

''No, no, you don't have to. Not if you don't want to''.

''No I'll come. Be there for you''. They shared a smile and left. Brendan went and got the car while Nate put some real clothes on.

* * *

As Brendan pulled out of the village he drove past Steven, who turned and waved, but Brendan kept driving. No distractions. This had to be done. He was determined. The silence between him and Nate wasn't even close to awkward. It was understandable. They had both lost the person they loved last night. The radio was low and almost inaudible. It wasn't a long drive, just short of the city. They arrived at the hospital and pulled into the multi-story car park off the busy streets of the city. Brendan turned the keys and removed them from the ignition. Nate took off his belt and opened the door, but Brendan didn't move. Nate sat back and closed his door again.

''Brendan?''. Brendan gave a grunt, not looking into Nate's eyes, but Nate was looking into his. ''The sooner you do this, the sooner you can let go''. Brendan looked at him and raised his eyebrows in question. ''Think about it. You'll finally be free of your Dad. Forever''. Brendan nodded awkwardly.

''I'm afraid''. Brendan was vulnerable. He would have never admitted that before last night.

''Afraid of what?''.

''I don't know. I don't know. Your right though, it's time to finish this'', he said unbuckling his seat belt and opening the car door and closing it behind him. Nate sighed and followed.

An officer was waiting for Brendan. It was the detective who questioned Brendan last night at the police station. He didn't say anything though, and neither did Brendan or Nate. He just instructed them to follow him down the corridor. They arrived at the morgue and passed through two more halls, passing rooms full of containers on the walls. They arrived into a room. It was small and narrow and there was a window on the wall which was connected to another room that was equally small and narrow. The other room had a table standing in the middle of it, with a large, hefty lump on it covered with a white sheet. It was about five foot long. There was a doctor in a red shirt standing over the bag on the table and placed a hand softly on the edge of the sheet.

Brendan gulped and looked at the detective and nodded. ''Go ahead''. The detective looked at the doctor and nodded, and the doctor nodded in return and pulled the sheet away from the bodies' face. It was definitely Seamus. Brendan felt panic and relief flood over him at the same time. Seamus was paler now. Even in death he still had a stern look on his face. Brendan felt fear come over him and realised that a couple of moments had passed since the doctor removed the sheet.

''Yeah, yeah it's him''. The detective raised his hand on Brendan's shoulder and nodded at the doctor and he covered Seamus again.

''I'm sorry for your loss''. But he wasn't sorry, he knew what Seamus was, what he had done.

''Can I have a minute alone with him?'', Brendan asked softly.

''Of course'', he moved towards the door and Nate followed. When they were gone Brendan walked towards the glass and pressed his hands and face against it.

''Why, Da? Why? Why me? Why did you have to take her away from me? You've ruined my life, you've ruined Nate's life, you've ruined her life. You got what you deserved, but I didn't. I deserved to be the one that gets to kill you''. It was evil and Brendan knew it. ''I hate you. I hope you're burning in Hell''.

* * *

Brendan and Nate arrived outside the deli and Brendan stopped the car. They nodded at each other and Nate left. Brendan looked at the club once more before collapsing into his seat and sighed. The fear had gone. Seamus was gone. Cheryl was gone. Walker was gone. Kevin-. He sat forward and his mouth dropped, and his eyebrows raised. He leaned over the steering wheel and watched in shock as he saw Kevin walking out of Price Slice, a stupid grin on his scrawny face. He stopped and turned at Maxine's flat and raised his hand to the keyhole and pushed the key in. He turned the key and opened the door, walking in. Suddenly he found himself being pulled out the door and into the alleyway under Chez Chez. He was thrown against the wall and let out a grunt from the pain. It was Brendan. Kevin's stomach was in his mouth as he trembled under the weight of Brendan Brady hanging over him.

''What the Hell are you doing here, eh? Come back for a real beating?''.

''No, I-I-I'm sorry. I had nowhere else to go'', he cried.

''So you thought you'd come back here after what you've done?''.

''I don't want any trouble. Please?''.

''You don't want any trouble? Ah, that's nice. Do you think I wanted trouble? Walker could have killed me, or Steven. Did you ever think of that? Do you have any idea how much hurt you've caused us both? Sexual assault and actual bodily harm? I could have gone to prison for that!''.

''I'm so sorry! Walker made made me do it!''.

''Oh me made you do it? He made you? Is that your excuse?!'', he shouted, raising his fist back to punch him. Kevin closed his eyes and waited for yet another beating, but it never came. He opened his eyes to see Ste dragging Brendan around the corner. He was safe for now. Ste pulled Brendan by the collar and into the deli.

''Get in there!''.Douglas was there behind the counter. There were no customers so he was just sat there twiddling his thumbs. Doug looked startled and jumped to his feet. Ste pushed Brendan roughly towards the counter and he hit off the cash register.

''What the Hell are you doing?'', he called.

''Get out, Doug!'', Ste shouted, opening the door and pushing Doug out by the back. He closed the door and turned the ''OPEN'' sign around so it read, ''CLOSED''. He approached Brendan, who was walking swiftly towards him.

''What the Hell am I doing? What are you doing, eh?!''.

''I'm giving Kevin what he deserves!'.

''No you're not. You're looking for someone to take your anger out on''.

''Steven, you of all people know what he's done. He almost killed us!''.

''Yeah, and beating Kevin to a pulp is only gonna land us in more trouble! It's not gonna bring Cheryl back either is it?''.

''Don't push me, Steven''.

''Or what? Kevin might have been lying last time but the next time he might not be. I don't wanna hear about you knockin' the shit out of him and goin' down again, alright?''. Brendan tutted, he was fighting a losing battle and he knew it. ''Promise me you won't touch Kevin''.

''Ah Steven-''.

''Promise me!''. Brendan stormed out the door and walked back towards Kevin who was standing beside the alleyway. Ste ran towards the door and watched as Brendan nudged his shoulder against Kevin's, so hard he almost knocked Kevin over. Ste didn't follow him. He knew he'd won this round. Doug approached him.

''Hey, how are you?'', he said.

''I'm fine, Doug. It's not me you should be worried about''.

''What do you mean?''.

''It's Brendan. He's not handling it very well. He's acting like everything's fine but it isn't''.

''What about Cheryl?''.

''She's been sent down. Charged with murder''.

''But she was protecting Brendan''.

''It doesn't matter, Doug. She still murdered someone. There's something Brendan did last night''.

''What?''.

''Before Cheryl confessed, Brendan was about to do something. It looked like he was about to confess to something''.

''You don't think he did it, do you?''.

''No, of course not, but I think there's more to last night than he's letting on''.

''Like what?''.

''I don't know, Doug. But I intend to find out''.


	2. Chapter 2: No Hard Feelings

**Thanks for all the views, follows, favorites and reviews, they really mean a lot! I'll hopefully be updating every four days or so.**

Brendan woke up earlier than usual. He didn't want to confront Steven about yesterday, and have yet another argument. Arguing seemed to be their favorite pastime lately, but they always get there in the end. He wondered about when they wouldn't make it, how much pain can he cause Steven before he pushes him over the edge? He sat up slowly and rested his back against the headboard, watching Steven sleep peacefully. It was the only place that Brendan could never hurt him, not by Brendan's own will anyway. Their breathing was in sync and Brendan watched his chest rise and fall with his own.

Brendan sat forward after a while, gently, not wanting to wake him. He pushed the covers off him and stood up silently, making sure he didn't wake him up. He slipped on his tracksuit and runners and made a coffee for himself before going out on a run. He didn't run often, only when he needed to escape reality and spend some time in his own mind. He ran under the arch and stopped to look at Chez Chez. 'The Beast in Me' by Johnny Cash played on his Ipod and he gave a small smile at the coincidence and skipped it. He past the deli where Doug was carrying the menu out the door onto the street. Tony was opening his gym and Cindy was eyeing him up from Price Slice.

He arrived outside the Dog and past the Savages' large and obnoxious boat in the river. ''_How could they even afford that?_'', he thought before dismissing it from his head, he needed to think about his own problems. He thought about Steven and what was next for them, but neither of them were sure of what was lying ahead. How could they? This village is cursed. People just couldn't be happy here. Brendan was happy here once, for about ten minutes. Then his father turned up. He had finally won Cheryl around and had Steven all to himself and then Seamus came. The thought of Seamus made him trip and lose his balance but he regained it and continued home.

When he arrived home he suddenly realised where home was. Home was with Steven in Steven's flat. It gave him butterflies thinking that they were in such a good place that they lived together. ''_What else could we pull off?_'', he thought to himself. Marriage? A proper house? They had discussed marriage in the deli a couple of weeks back. He didn't think they were in that place yet, not to say that if Steven asked him he would say no. He would say yes in a heartbeat. But Steven wasn't even divorced from Doug yet and they were only together three months. They were getting a bit ahead of themselves here.

When he opened the door he did so gently with silence, just in case Steven was still asleep. He wasn't. There was an empty cup on the counter that Steven must have left there, because Brendan's was in the sink. Steven wasn't in the kitchen or the sitting room, and Brendan was disappointed when he wasn't in the bedroom either. He thought he must have gone to work. He grabbed towels from the hot-press and entered the bathroom. Suddenly Brendan knew where Steven was. He was in the shower. Brendan took off his clothes, quietly and placed them in a pile next to Steven's on the floor.

He opened the door to the shower and walked in behind Steven. He looked even more beautiful when he was naked and wet. Brendan wanted to fuck him, but he wasn't up for it energy-wise. He thought about being fucked by Steven. He wanted that, but not yet. He trusted Steven with his life, but it was bad memories from when he was a kid. One day he would get there. He was definitely getting ahead of himself regarding marriage if he couldn't let Steven give him what Brendan gave him. The further he would let Steven go was rimming and sometimes he would even finger him, but that was it, someday he would go further.

These thoughts made Brendan hard, but he wasn't about to push himself. Instead he pushed his hands against Ste's shoulders, massaging him. He loved how Steven didn't even flinched from his touch, it could have been anybody behind him, but he always recognized the feel of Brendan's touch. Brendan love it, and loved him, and Steven loved him too. He stood closer to Steven now, breathed on the back of his neck. He wrapped his arms around Steven's chest and gripped him tightly. He always savored these romantic, happy moments in his life where he could just lose himself and forget the world outside. Steven turned his head to Brendan's and gave him a soft, lingering kiss, their swiping tongues rubbing together. It was long and wet and it was probably the most romantic thing they've ever done.

When the kiss broke, Brendan leaned his head against the side of Steven's face and rested it on his shoulders. Their breathing always seemed to be in sync for some nice reason. Brendan liked it, it meant they were connected somehow. They stayed in this position for a while. Brendan could sleep right now it was so peaceful. Steven suddenly broke the silence.

''Where did you go just now?'', he said softly, rubbing Brendan's arms with his hands. Brendan almost didn't want to reply. He was so relaxed.

''Just went out for a run. I didn't want to wake you'', he said, kissing Steven's neck after he said it.

''Okay'', Ste smiled, embracing Brendan and all he had to offer him. ''I have to go to work soon''. This almost saddened Brendan, wanted this to last forever, but realized that this had to end eventually. ''I can take the day off if you want, we can just stay in for the day, watch a film or something, or even just spend the day in bed?''.

''No, you go in. We're gonna need the money''.

''What d'ya mean?''.

''Well the club won't be open for another few days. And even then, people aren't gonna want to party where a man was killed less than a week ago, eh?''. He was suddenly aware of Cheryl rotting in a prison cell, and how normal he was being about it. He shouldn't be doing this, he should be crying and pushing people away, telling them to ''Fuck off'' and leave him alone. But he didn't even have anybody to push away, only Steven, and he was never letting him go. A few minutes later Steven left and suddenly the warm water felt cold without Steven's presence, so Brendan left too. He helped Steven dry off and he went off on his way to work.

* * *

Brendan ignored the club as he walked through the village and entered the deli. Doug was busy serving the customers while Steven prepared the food. He loved seeing Steven hard at work. When his eyes met Steven's he gave him a cheeky smile and Steven gave one back. He approached Brendan with a sandwich on a plate. Brendan sat down on the sofa under the window and eagerly awaited what Steven had for him. Steven sat down next to him, sandwich in hand.

''It's seedless, and it's blackberry, but, it's from a bottle'', he smirked.

''Ah, what?'', he said, returning Steven's smile.

''Well it's the best I could do on short notice''. Brendan went to put his hands on the sandwich and dig in until Steven pulled the plate out of his reach. Brendan raised an eyebrow in confusion.

''That's £2.50, please''. Brendan huffed a loud, sarcastic laugh which made Steven laugh in return. Even Doug smiled. He liked seeing Brendan make Ste happy, because in many ways he still loved Ste. It's why he came back from America. Even if it wasn't him making Ste laugh like that, he was happy that Ste was with a man that could.

''£2.50? It's a wonder how you get any customers at all with your prices''.

''Says you! It's thirty quid to get into your place! At least when I worked there I had a free entry''.

''That's only because you had to work a shift'', Brendan teased.

''Well anyway, that tab of yours is runnin' pretty high'', he smiled.

''How about I pay it in kisses, eh?''. He smiled leaning in for a kiss. It was chaste and short but it dazed Steven so much that he dropped his guard over Brendan's sandwich. He grabbed it and took a huge bite out of it, barely able to fit it into his mouth. Steven let out his loud donkey laugh as Brendan did so.

''I don't think you could pay me in kisses'', Steven grinned. Brendan waited until his mouth was clear before speaking, he didn't want to gross out Steven even more.

''And why not?''.

''Because I'd owe you about three hundred sandwiches''. Brendan's smile grew, if it was even possible. He liked having Steven occupying his mind to protect him from the bad things out there.

''I should probably go, I'm distracting you from you're work'', he said, pointing at Douglas trying to make a sandwich and butchering it. Steven laughed and pushed Brendan's shoulder as if he took offence from the comment.

''Maybe I like the distraction'', he smiled. Brendan finished his sandwich and movement from outside caught his eye. It was Kevin leaving Maxine's flat and walking past the window. He stood up and approached the door but stopped as Steven called him back. ''Where you goin'?'', he questioned, looking out the window to see Kevin walking in the direction of the deli.

''Brendan?'', he said as Brendan opened the door.

''Relax'', he smiled. ''I'm not goin' to see Kevin, I need to talk to someone, that's all''. Steven smiled, happy about the control he had over Brendan. ''Bye''.

''See ya later'', he said, joining Doug in the kitchen because it was too painful to watch him cook. Or try to cook.

* * *

Brendan rung the buzzer to Maxine's flat, looking around to make sure Kevin wasn't coming back anytime soon. A voice croaked out from the speaker on the wall.

''I thought I gave you a key, Kev-''.

''Maxine, it's me''.

''Who's _me_?'', she asked playfully.

''Just open the door Maxine''.

''Alright, Moody, hang on''. She was worse than her sister, if that was even possible. He missed Anne, never even got to say a proper goodbye. They've talked on the phone a few times since she left, but that's it. She was probably his best friend, if she even was his friend. He liked to think so. He liked to think Maxine was his friend, even if she did think he was a rapist. But forgive and forget. He was tired of being angry, tired with exhaustion as well. The Minniver's must have a thing for gay, tall and handsome Irishmen, or maybe just Brendan Brady himself. Or maybe he had a thing for the Minniver's. He laughed at the idea.

''Hiya'', she said, opening the door to let Brendan in. Maxine closed the door behind him and casually sat down at the coffee table in the living room like this was normal. This village was anything but normal.

''Hey. Y'know, I saw something funny just now, and yesterday'', he said, his voice quizzical.

''Oh, yeah?'',she said in her usually bubbly tone, smiling comfortably.

''Yeah''.

''Well, tell me then''.

''It's actually really funny'', he laughed. ''I saw Kevin leaving your flat''. It wasn't what Maxine was expecting. She vividly remembers telling Kevin not to get seen by him. It was a bit naive in hindsight. The village was tiny, how could he not get seen?

''Oh'', she sighed.

''Oh?'', he mocked.

''Well, he had nowhere else to go and he looked really rough and-''. She was talking quickly and sounded like she was about to cry. It was like Brendan was her father and she was confessing to breaking a vase or something. She was interrupted by Brendan who was having none of it.

''Maxine! Have you gone crazy? Have you forgotten all the things he's done? How can you just forgive him like that?'', he said, raising his hands in the air and flailing them, grabbing at thin air.

''He said he was sorry. Besides, Kevin's my friend''. Brendan was losing his patience at the absurd idea.

''Are you really that naive, Maxine!? That's not friendship! Friends don't do that to each other. Friends don't drug each other, they don't try to kill each other! They-''. The room fell silent. Maxine looked down at her feet, pouting because she knew how right he was. She had forgiven him far too easily, but that's who she was. She didn't hold grudges nor did she want to. ''Maxine, just because he's _sorry _doesn't excuse him. He falsely accused me of rape for Christ's sake! Cheryl's in prison because of him!''.

''No, Cheryl's in prison because she killed your Dad!''. It was unnecessary, she knew, and a low blow that Brendan didn't deserve.

''Yeah, with Walker's gun! Kevin led Walker right to us. Anne's gone because of them two!''. Maxine missed Anne more than Brendan did, but that surely wasn't Kevin's fault. It was Walker's fault.

''How is Cheryl?'', she said comfortingly, she didn't want to upset him, not now at least.

''Rotting in prison thanks to Kevin''.

''Brendan!''. Brendan bent down on his knees before her and pushed her chin up, forcing her to look at him. He looked her straight in the eyes.

''Look Maxine, the kid brings trouble with him everywhere he goes. You know that. It's only a matter of time before he steps out of line again, and then what? He tells you he's sorry and that's the end of it? He should be in prison for what he's done, so that's what we should do. We need to call the police''.

''No, not gonna happen''.

''Maxine-''.

''No! It was all Walker's doing. He would have killed Kevin if he didn't follow orders''.

''I'm just looking out for you''.

''But I don't need you to look after me, Brendan. I'm a big girl and I can handle myself'', she said smiling, brushing him off and dismissing him of the idea that she needed her protection.

''You know, your sister used to tell me that, too damn stubborn to accept my help until the last second possible. And do you know what happened to her? She ended up being forced by her fiancé into digging up his ex-fiancé's body after he killed her on their wedding day. Know your limits, Maxine''. She never knew that. Anne never told her about that, or even that she was almost married. She guessed that Anne just wanted to repress that memory. It was probably too painful for her to talk about it.

''Yeah? Well when Kevin asks me to dig up his ex-fiancé's body I'll come to you first, okay?''. Brendan gave a small laugh and began walking towards the door. ''Thanks, Brendan'', she called.

''For what?'', he asked.

''For, y'know, looking after me. After I said those horrible things about you''.

''No trouble, Maxine. If anything happens, call me, yeah?''.

''Yeah'', she smiled. Brendan was already becoming like her older brother. Two weeks ago she hated him, but now she knew the real Brendan Brady. The vulnerable one. She liked the vulnerable, over-protective Brendan, because that's the person he is. And he only protected the people close to him and that made her happy because she was now one of them. This bridge was well built. She escorted him to the door and opened it for him. ''Kevin!'', she startled. She made Kevin jump in return.

''Alright?'', he asked happily. It pissed Brendan off that he could be happy when Brendan couldn't. His face dropped when he saw Brendan standing in the flat. ''What's he doing here?'', he said as his limbs became stiff at his sides and his lip trembling. Maxine opened to say something but it was Brendan who spoke.

''Don't worry, Kevin, I was just leaving. No hard feelings, yeah?'', he said sarcastically, patting Kevin on the back much harder than necessary as he left the flat. Kevin closed his eyes, trying to ignore the pain, both on his back and the fact that Brendan Brady was in his home. Kevin waited a moment or two before speaking.

''What was he doing here?''. His voice was shaky and he looked crushed on the inside.

''Nothing'', she said awkwardly, ''we were just looking over the club's takings''. She was a bad liar and they both knew it. He humored her anyway.

''Right'', he said, unconvinced and went into the bathroom. Maxine sighed when he left the room. Maybe Brendan was right, but everyone deserves a second chance.

* * *

Brendan went back to the deli to find Dougie alone behind the counter. Steven was gone. Douglas was dancing behind the counter to the radio. He obviously didn't see Brendan come in. He thought back to when it was Steven in Doug's position. Steven said some nice things about Brendan that day, nice things that he didn't deserve. Brendan wondered if Steven loved him then as much as he loved him now, if he loved him at all. Brendan choked an awkward cough and Douglas turned to him quickly. His face flashed red and he was overcome with embarrassment. He rubbed close down and straightened his posture. He will never live this down, they both thought.

''Steven here?''. Doug nodded his head.

''Had to take a call, but I'm sure he'll be back soon'', he smiled. He was being nice to Brendan because of the events he just endured, and Brendan the same. Brendan sat down at the sofa and after two painfully awkward silent minutes he lost his patience. He stood up and left in a hurry without even saying anything to Doug. Doug just shrugged it off and continued to butcher more rolls.

Brendan raced across the village back home. He passed the window and saw Steven inside. He smiled. He opened the door and Steven acknowledged his presence. He was on the phone and sitting in front of a roaring fire burning in the fireplace. He used the poker to shuffle it around and a large flame rose from the sut and ashes.

''Sorry, but I'm gonna have to call you back'', he smiled, looking at Brendan as he sat on the floor next to him. ''Alright, bye'', he hung up and threw his phone to the side. ''Hiya'', he said, clearly happy to see his boyfriend again.

''Who was that?'', he asked while dumping in more coal into the fire.

''Just the supplier'', he smiled. Brendan smiled back at him.

''What?'', Brendan laughed. Steven continued his dazed smile at Brendan.

''Nothing, I'm just happy to see you that's all. You've been dead good to me all day''.

''What do ye mean?''.

''Like this morning in the shower, and then you kept your promise to me about Kevin''.

''Of course I did. Well, kinda''. Steven's smile fell into a frown.

''You what?''.

''Well I didn't mean to. I went to see Maxine today. Kevin's living with her now, but as soon he arrived I left. I promise you''. Steven's frown turned back to a smile.

''I love you, Bren''. _Bren_. Brendan loved that, especially from Steven's lips, which he now wanted to kiss.

''I love you too, Steven'', he said, smiling as he leaned towards him.

Their lips rubbed together softly. Steven parted his lips and forced Brendan's open with his tongue. Their tongues met and danced together as they moved softly around each other's mouths, exploring every inch of each other. The kiss turned wet and sloppy from the saliva pouring into each other's mouths. Their teeth clanged off one another as the kiss went deeper and rougher. Steven's tongue became looser and licked the edges of Brendan's lips, felt the tingle of hair above Brendan's upper lip.

Brendan's mustache rarely ever gave Steven mustache burn. He found his mustache as one of Brendan's best features, except for his huge cock, which was now pitching a tent in his tracksuit bottoms. The sight of it made Steven's grow too. Brendan also had a nice arse. He loved rimming Brendan and getting a proper look at what Brendan had to offer him. He thought that one day he'll be allowed to fuck Brendan.

Steven felt his shirt being ridden up his back by Brendan's trailing hand. Brendan broke the kiss to pull Steven's shirt right off him, buttons flew around the room but he didn't even care, then resumed kissing him, taking off Steven's socks. Steven began unzipping Brendan's tracksuit top down and pulled it down his arms, discarding it on the floor. Both their hearts were racing. It's been a while since they've had sex. This morning was the first time they were naked in each other's company for a fair amount of time.

''What about the deli?'', Brendan said into his kiss, couldn't believe he was asking such a question right now, but he didn't want to deal with an angry Douglas leter. Steven shushed him and placed a finger on Brendan's lips. They smiled an remembered the old days, back when things were easy. Steven pushed the older man on his back and pulled his trousers down as Brendan removed his t-shirt. Steven laid down on top of Brendan and pressed his tongue even deeper down his throat. Brendan pushed Steven's work chinos down until they were both completely naked.

They began grinding their cocks together and Brendan let a moan of pleasure out into Steven's mouth. Brendan pushed down on Steven's arse cheeks to grind harder, moving his hips frantically trying to get more pleasure out of the other man. He rolled over on top of Steven and grinded harder and faster. They'll both have carpet burn in the morning but that didn't matter now, all that mattered now was pleasure. Brendan began kissing down Steven's neck, peppering kisses down his chest and bit at his nipples playfully.

Steven pushed down on Brendan's shoulders and Brendan knew what he wanted. He loved when Steven was so assertive during sex. He pressed his face against Steven's pubes and took a deep breath, took it all in. His cock was spilling with pre-come, some of which was on Brendan's chest. Brendan wrapped his mouth around the base of Steven's cock and slid his tongue upwards, slurping up all of the pre-come as if it was on tap. He went even further down to his thighs and bit down on his flesh lightly and Steven cried with pleasure.

He held Steven's ball-sack in his hands and rubbed it gently, before taking the whole thing in his mouth, sucking on Steven's balls hard. Steven fucking loved it. He tugged at Brendan's hair to pull him towards his cock but Brendan was being a tease. He lifted Steven's legs in the air and Steven kept them there. Brendan bowed his head down to Steven's arse and observed it. Small pubic hair surrounded his tight hole. A tight hole that Brendan intended to loosen. Even though Steven loved to rim Brendan, he also like it when Brendan rimmed him.

Brendan didn't bother being a tease this time. He was greedy for it. He gave deep, plunging licks into Steven's arsehole and pressed his tongue inside, deep and intensely pleasurable. Steven began writhing on the ground, couldn't handle it all. It felt too good, he wanted Brendan too much if it was even possible. Brendan moaned into Steven's hole as Steven gasped for breath. A few minutes later Brendan pulled out and Steven felt empty now that the contact was broken. It wasn't broken for long though as he pushed two fingers up into Steven.

Brendan's mouth payed full attention to Steven's cock now, taking it down to the base in one go and stayed down there for a while. He tried to keep in sync with Steven's body moving up and down as he fucked himself on Brendan's fingers. He proceeded with hard, quick sucks up and down the base of Steven's cock. Steven felt the tip of his dick hit the back if Brendan's throat as he deep-throated his long and hard penis. It came too much for Steven as he blew his load into the back of Brendan's throat. Brendan didn't stop though. He swallowed every drop of come that Steven would allow him. He kept sucking through the aftershocks until his cock was becoming limp in his mouth.

Steven was panting, hard, still violently fucking himself on Brendan's fingers. Brendan pulled his fingers out, but didn't give him much time to catch his breath as he pushed his throbbing dick into his loose hole. Brendan was relentless, because he knew that Steven liked it rough, to be shown who's boss. He didn't wait for Steven's muscles to adjust and loosen around him. He continued to push in further until his hard dick met Steven's prostate and they both began moaning loudly. Brendan went harder that normal. Steven was gagging for it. He wanted it.

''Harder!'', Steven demanded. Brendan pulled Steven's legs into the air and up until his feet met his own face. Brendan was allowed more access now, he could give Steven what he wanted, so desperately needed. He moved in deeper and fucked him harder. Steven could take it though, he was stronger than he looks. He looks as though Brendan could snap him in half with one look, but Steven was stronger than that, much stronger. Steven came all over his own face as Brendan gave increasingly more violent thrusts into him. It made them both laugh loudly but it didn't spoil the moment. Brendan was overcome with pleasure and let himself go inside of Steven.

Steven dropped his legs to the floor and Brendan collapsed on top of him. They breathed into each other's mouths and lay there on the floor for a while. Brendan lifted his head off Steven's chest and smiled.

''Want a coffee?'', he smirked. Steven giggled and rolled his eyes.

''Yeah, go on'', he laughed.

They needed anything that would give them energy right now. He stood up and walked into the kitchen and made two mugs of coffee. He followed Steven into the bedroom and muttered to himself, ''Fuck the deli''.

* * *

''So how's Brendan?'', Doug asked. He was getting the hang of buttering bread now, and it was about time too, they've been working in a deli for almost a year now.

''Yeah, good. I think''. He didn't sound too sure of himself, and he wasn't, but it was Brendan. Brendan doesn't tell people how he's feeling.

''You think? What does that mean?''. Doug wasn't buttering bread now, he was too into the conversation to work, Ste didn't really know why.

''Well, his sister just went down for murder, so I don't think he's feeling very good, Doug'', he said, raising his eyebrows at him.

''He seemed happy enough yesterday when he was in here, didn't he?''.

''Yeah well Brendan's good at hiding his emotions, isn't he? I mean, he was in love with me all this time and I didn't have a clue, did I? And plus, it's just reflexes innit? He just needs some time to come back to reality. I can hardly believe it meself. She was my best friend and all. I miss her''.

''Well first of all, you were just naive regarding Brendan being madly in love with you. We all knew'', he smiled.

''Really?''.

''Ste, we told you a million times, you're just stubborn'', he teased, and he got a playful elbow in the ribs for his troubles. ''You really think that this is just Brendan pushing his feelings away? What if he's...?''. He stopped. Ste turned to him with a worried look on his face.

''What, Doug? What if he's...what?''.

''What if this is Brendan refusing to believe it? What if Cheryl leaving him flipped a switch in his brain''.

''I don't think I'm following, Doug''.

''What if he's losing his mind?''. Ste's face tensed at the thought.

''What?!''.

''Come on, Ste, think about it. His sister's gone to prison because he couldn't protect her, his father is dead, his close family is gone forever. And he's just walking around like nothing's happened? ''.

''What do you mean he couldn't protect her?''.

''Well you of all people should know that Brendan can be over-protective sometimes''.

''Yeah but this isn't his fault! She killed him, right?''.

''Well even you didn't seem so sure the other day''.

''That's not what I said, Doug''. He was getting angry now. He didn't want to doubt Brendan and lose him all over again. ''I just said that I think that there's more to it than what he told me''.

''Did you say anything to him?''.

''No. I'm not pushing him in the state he's in''. And that was the end of the conversation. Ste wasn't pushing this on Brendan when he could blow his top at any second. A few moments later Brendan entered, still in his tracksuit. ''_Speak of the fucking Devil, literally_'', Doug thought to himself. That's what told Steven that there was something wrong with Brendan. Brendan always made an effort to look the part to play the part, not moping around in a tracksuit all day. Brendan wore suits.

''Morning, ladies'', he smiled and Steven smiled back, while Doug just stared at him in wonderment. ''I'm having a party tonight, at the club''. Doug and Steven stopped what they were doing and gave each other a stern look each and Steven pounced on Brendan like a lion on a deer.

''What?'', he said in shock.

''Yeah. I've just been talking with the police and they've given me the go ahead to open the club again. So, drinks on me tonight, yeah? You too, Dougie''. Despite Brendan's weird behavior, he was making an effort with Doug, and that made Steven happy. But a thought strung out on his mind. Brendan's not nice to Doug, not even for Steven. This was part of his weird behavior. Steven didn't like that.

''No'', Steven blurted. ''Doug can't go out tonight, he's got the accounts to do for Friday haven't you, Doug?''. Doug looked at him in confusion and agreed that he couldn't go, but he wasn't sure why exactly, the accounts weren't due until next week.

''Yeah, yeah he's right. I can't go. Work stuff''.

''Well, if it's work stuff... then it's just you and me tonight then, Steven''. Steven gave him a quick smile and continued with his work. Brendan went to the sofa and got comfortable.

''Hey, Brendan? Do you want a jam sandwich?'', called Doug awkwardly out from the kitchen. Steven looked at him, confused at what was happening, Brendan and Doug were being _nice _to each other! Brendan even raised an eyebrow.

''Yeah but none of that bottled crap, yeah?'', he shouted back. Doug turned to Ste.

''I guess you'll have to go to Price Slice to go get more then'', Doug whispered to him. Ste gave a nod and took his apron off, hung it on the hook by the door and left the kitchen. Brendan winked at him as he walked past him on the sofa.

''Back in a minute'', he smiled, timidly, and off he went. Doug seized this opportunity talk to Brendan and find out what was going on with him. Doug left the kitchen and approached Brendan, who was watching him walk towards him.

''So what's going on, Brendan?''. Brendan raised an eyebrow again and sat forward.

''Eh?'', he questioned.

''Ste seems to think you're okay, that you're coping''. Brendan sat back. It was one of _these _conversations. ''Are you coping?''.

''Why? Why do you care about me?'', he asked pointing a finger at himself.

''I care about Ste. I need to know that this is going to make you lose control and go back to old ways''.

''Excuse me?''.

''You heard me. Ste might not see it, but I can see right through you. I know it's all going to boil over soon, and I don't want Ste getting hurt when it does''.

''I'd do nothing to hurt him, you know that!'', he refuted, sitting forward again.

''Yeah? And I also know that you're the one that busted his face up last week, too. Why are you acting like you don't care about what happened?''.

''You think I don't care? Dougie, I'm heartbroken. She's gone and there's nothing I can do to bring her back. I'm keeping it together for Steven. I'm not gonna cry and push him away, he's all I have left and I'm not risking that''. Ste burst through the door, jar in hand and waving it in Brendan's face. He quickly pulled together a jam sandwich for Brendan.

''So what are we talkin' 'bout?'', he asked innocently as he promptly left the kitchen and handed Brendan his sandwich. ''On the house'', he smirked. Brendan smiled cheekily and began eating. Doug's eyes were like daggers as he watched Brendan. Brendan finished and stood up. He kissed Steven on the cheek and gave Doug a dirty look.

''See ya later'', he said walking out the door and then he was gone. Ste watched as he walked across the road and into the club. He took and deep breath and went back into the kitchen.

* * *

The club was packed. It was busier than Brendan ever thought it would be after what had happened. People were dancing, drinking, having fun. For the first time since Cheryl left he felt slightly normal again, that this is what he's supposed to do. He was back wearing his suits again and he even spiked his hair back up. It was ten, and Steven would be arriving soon. He made a specific effort to stay away from the left, back corner of the upper floor because that's where it happened. The music banging around him made it difficult to assemble his own thoughts. He sat at the end of the bar drinking alone, waiting patiently for Steven, and Brendan was anything but patient, so he quickly grew tired of waiting and wandered around the club for a while.

He went outside to the balcony to look for Steven but he wasn't here yet. The deli was dark and closed so he was definitely home. He didn't doubt he was, the deli closed hours ago. He leaned over the railing and stared at the ground below. He squinted his eyes and felt a bright light looking down on him from above. He looked up, but there was nothing there. No light. He cleared his throat and fixed his collar and went back in. He went downstairs to have a look. Everything seemed to be in order. He turned to the stairs and froze on the spot. His face went pale and his eyes widened as he focused them on the bottom step. Sat before him, was Cheryl, sitting on the bottom step of the stairs.

He looked down at the ground and looked back up but she was still there, holding the gun, crying, calling for his help. He turned his eyes in another direction. ''No, no, no, no, no, no'', he cried and looked back and she was gone. He approached the stairs and began walking up, but felt a hand on his shoulder, Steven,maybe...hopefully. He should be so lucky. It was Cheryl, who was still crying. Brendan fell back in shock and lay there staring at her.

''Help!'', she begged.

''I-I can't'', he said softly. He turned and stumbled up the stairs like a drunk. What was happening to him? He got to the top and shoved a man out of his way, falling into a group of girls who in return told him to get lost. His chest was tight and he could hardly breathe. He gripped his hair in an attempt to relieve himself of what was happening, a searing pain inside his skull. His head ached and the room was spinning, making him dizzy. He fell against the office door and it swung open, crashing against the wall, taking a lump out of the bricks.

He kicked the door shut and pressed his forehead against it while covering his ears, trying and failing to block the noise. His ears wrung and he didn't know why. He made a run for his phone on the desk but lost his balance and fell to the ground before he could reach it on the table. The keyboard came crashing down on top of him and a mug followed. His legs turned to jelly and he couldn't find the energy to sit up.

He was dazed, couldn't see straight. Bright, white spots filled his vision. He thought he could see Steven entering the office and rushing towards him, calling his name. He lifted Brendan's sweaty head and rubbed his cheek. He was losing consciousness and he could fell himself slip away into an abyss of darkness.

''Steven'', he said, before passing out cold on the floor. He could faintly hear Steven's panicked cries above the music. ''Steven...''.


	3. Chapter 3: Just Pretend

Brendan was tired, exhausted in fact. He had been up most of the night. His feet ached. He doesn't remember much, just bits and pieces. He remembers being at the club waiting for Steven and then...

He turned and stumbled up the stairs like a drunk. What was happening to him? He got to the top and shoved a man out of his way, falling into a group of girls who in return told him to get lost. His chest was tight and he could hardly breathe. He gripped his hair in an attempt to relieve himself of what was happening, a searing pain inside his skull. His head ached and the room was spinning, making him dizzy. He fell against the office door and it swung open, crashing against the wall, taking a lump out of it.

He kicked the door shut and pressed his forehead against it while covering his ears, trying and failing to block the noise. His ears wrung and he didn't know why. He made a run for his phone but lost his balance and fell to the ground before he could reach it on the table. The keyboard came crashing down on top of him and a mug followed. His legs turned to jelly and he couldn't find the energy to sit up.

He was dazed, couldn't see straight. Bright white spots filled his vision. He thought he could see Steven entering the office and rushing towards him, calling his name. He lifted Brendan's sweaty head and rubbed his cheek. He was losing consciousness and he could fell himself slip away into an abyss of darkness.

''Steven'', he said, before passing out cold on the floor. He could faintly hear Steven's panicked cries above the music. ''Steven...''. Brendan's head fell against Steven's lap. He was unconscious. Steven was calling his name in a state of panic. He began slapping Brendan's face lightly but nothing happened. He bent down closer to Brendan's face and pressed his ear against his nose. He felt something, breath, he was still breathing. Steven dropped Brendan's head on the floor and climbed on top of him.

He started pushing down on Brendan's chest, and blew air down Brendan's throat. It got to the point where Steven could feel tears in his eyes, and he was thumping Brendan's body. He was calling for help, but nobody came, the music was too loud and everybody was too engulfed in their own night to even care. He gave Brendan and almighty thump to the stomach and Brendan's eyes shot open. Steven didn't even know he could hit that hard, let alone in Brendan's direction. Steven felt relief pool around him.

Brendan leaned on his elbows, eyes pinned to the back of his head. He suddenly realized he was holding his breath and exhaled a long breath. Steven was looking on in horror.

''What?'', he said dismissively.

''Excuse me?'', Steven retorted.

''What?'', he asked impatiently.

''What? I've come here and found you unconscious on the floor, that's what!''. Brendan stood up and wiped down his suit. Steven stood up beside him and Brendan began walking to the door.

''I'm fine, Steven'', he sniffed. ''Now that drink I promised you''. He opened the door but hardly got it open two inches before Steven slammed it shut with his foot.

''You're not going anywhere!'', he shouted. Brendan looked angry and like he had lost all patience he was trying to stir up. ''What happened?''.

''Nothing happened, Steven I'm fine''.

''Oh, so you just randomly fall unconscious everyday do ya?''. Steven was the one with no patience now. He wasn't letting Brendan push him away again. Brendan huffed a sigh.

''You know what, Steven? Mind your own business'', he said trying to pull him out of the way of the door but Steven didn't budge. He had too much adrenaline now and found some strength in the panic.

''You are my business, Brendan! You need to go to the hospital! You need to get checked out!''.

''I'm fine, Steven''.

''You're not fine, Brendan! How can you be fine after everything that's happened? You've bottled it all up over the past few days and all I want you to do is talk to me! Tell me how you're feeling''. Brendan sighed again and looked at the door.

''Like I said, Steven, I'm fine. Now move''. Steven had lost this battle, so he moved. He'd never get through to Brendan when he was like this, he never could. He moved out of the way but when Brendan left, so did Steven. He followed him through the dance floor and out onto the balcony. ''Stop following me, Steven''.

''Where are you going?''. He said walking down the steps into the courtyard.

''I'm goin' for a walk. Alone'', he said not even looking back.

''You know what? This has been a long time coming, this''. Brendan stopped in his tracks and turned back.

''What has? What's been a long time coming? Enlighten me, Steven''.

''This!'', he shouted throwing his hands up in the air. ''It was only a matter of time before you blew your lid''.

''What are you talkin' about, Steven?''.

''This is because of Cheryl, isn't it''.

''Ah, Steven please-''.

''No this is because you couldn't save her. This is because you wanted to take the fall for her, give up our future so she could have hers!''.

''You don't know what you're talkin' about, Steven''.

''Don't I? I was there, Brendan, through the whole thing! You walked out there ready to give up everything. I saw your face when she walked out behind you, I know, Brendan''.

''You don't know anything, Steven!'', he shouted before turning around ignoring everything Steven protested, because he had to, he couldn't tell Steven what he was about to do that night. He'd be heartbroken. Brendan arrived home at about half two that night after clearing his head slightly. He walked for miles before he wound up back at the village. The club was still rocking but Brendan let Maxine handle it. When he arrived home Steven was in bed. He stumbled into bed, didn't even take off his clothes. He checked to see if Steven was asleep, and his eyes were closed. He turned his back towards Steven, and Steven didn't face him.

But Steven was far from asleep, his eyes were just closed, pretending he was asleep. He had secretly waited up for Brendan to arrive home. Despite being angry and Brendan, he was still worried sick about him, but he was being stubborn as usual and refused to let Brendan know. Brendan was wrong, they both knew it. They both knew that it was only a matter of time before he had a breakdown, Brendan just wanted to prolong it as much as possible. Brendan couldn't keep pushing the thoughts of Cheryl away, being all domestic with Steven, acting stupidly like nothing had happened. Brendan's walls were beginning to fall. It took them ages to fall asleep that night, but neither of them stirred even once.

* * *

Brendan was tired, exhausted in fact. He had been up most of the night. His feet ached. He doesn't remember much, just bits and pieces. He remembers being at the club waiting for Steven and then... and then he was on the floor and pushing Steven away. Steven was only trying to help and it suddenly became a bit too personal. He knew Brendan's plan, what he intended to do that night on the club's balcony. Brendan couldn't lose Steven's trust again, that's why he had to pretend to be hurt by Steven's comment. He needed Steven's trust, desperately needed it.

He turned around in the bed and realized that Steven was up already. He jumped with fright as he heard a loud crash from the kitchen and Steven shouting, ''Shit!''. He leaped from the bed and flung his dressing gown on and raced for the door, worried that something might have happened to Steven. He stopped where he stood. If he went rushing out there showing concern then Steven would know that he didn't do anything wrong, and he'd know he was right. He opened the bedroom door and entered the kitchen.

He was secretly relieved that Steven had only dropped his mug of coffee. He had to resist the urge to bend down and help. He thought that after everything that happened he wouldn't let Steven slip away at his own will, or anybody, but this needed to happen. Brendan simply stood over the puddle of coffee on the floor and reboiled the kettle. He was slightly hurt that Steven didn't even acknowledge his presence in the room as he wiped up his mess with the mop and discarded the shards of his mug into the bin.

He couldn't help but roll his eyes and smile softly when he heard Steven tut as he realized that the coffee had splattered on his work chinos. He hated those chinos. They were so..._Doug_. Brendan couldn't understand why he didn't just wear his tracksuit into work. As Steven bent down and wiped away the coffee, Brendan turned away from him. He didn't want to get caught watching him. How could he not? He was beautiful. Even when Brendan was legitimately angry he still noticed it. His long eyelashes, his golden skin, those bright blue eyes. Brendan realized he was getting a hard-on and all of a sudden he didn't care about pretending to be angry anymore.

But Brendan being Brendan tucked it under his waistband of his boxers. He tried to steal another look at him before he left for work but Steven was already half way out the door and closed it with a bang that shook the kitchen counter from the tremors it left behind. He didn't even look at him or give him so much of a goodbye. Brendan's eyes followed Steven as he walked down the garden, but swiftly looked down at his mug as Steven glanced back through the window at him. Brendan smiled as he walked back into his bedroom. He was _winning_.

Brendan left for work an hour later. He didn't wear a suit this time. He wore his tight, black v-neck and jeans. He sneaked a peek into the deli window from the Chez Chez courtyard. Ste was there busy with customers, other things to occupy his mind. Brendan smiled and observed his club. He was thinking about changing the name the other week, to 'Brady's', but not now, he wanted Cheryl's name on the wall. He wanted her to be remembered in this village for rebuilding this dump into a business. He was so proud of her. He wasn't changing anything now.

When he walked in, Maxine was sitting on the sofa, feet rested on the table, drinking a cup of tea-to-go from the deli and chatting away on the phone. She was gossiping away and smiling and laughing, looking like she was having the time of her life. When she acknowledged that Brendan was standing behind the bar watching her, she told the other person on the line that she'll call them back and that she loved them, whoever it was. She left the phone on the table and approached Brendan at the bar.

''Morning, smiley'', she grinned at him, sitting at one of the stools, tea in hand. She was looking as glamorous as Anne had with her hair in a unique style and wearing her tight, sexy, business woman suit. Brendan hadn't even realized he was smiling, but he liked seeing her happy for a change.

''Morning'', he replied simply.

''Where'd you go last night, I was looking for ya''.

''Steven came and we left early''. He wasn't lying entirely, but he wasn't truthful entirely either.

''Oh yeah?'', she asked, playfully nudging his arm with her elbow across the bar. ''Did you get lucky then?''. She caught Brendan by surprise, that was the last thing he was expecting.

''Steven's my boyfriend, I'm already lucky''. He was serious now and giving her a shy smile.

''Awww'', she laughed as she pinched his cheeks, ''that is so cute!''.

''I'm not cute'', he retorted.

''Oh?''.

''I'm handsome. Manly''. He got a grin out of her at the expense of his dignity. Her face lit up in delight.

''I have some news that'll make you very happy'', she teased. Brendan's eyebrows raised.

''It's not another falsely-accusing friend of yours is it?'', he laughed, and then she laughed.

''No, you'll be very happy to hear it's not. Anne's coming home''. Brendan stood up straight.

''Really?'', he smiled.

''It's only for a visit, though, before it's too late in her pregnancy to travel at all''.

''Ah''. He was slightly disappointed that his best friend was only coming back for a short visit, but it'll do. ''She must be getting big now, though. She was hardly even showing when she left''.

''I know it's weird, right? It really means a lot to her though, that it's Riley's''. _Riley_. He quickly pushed the memories out of his head.

''How far is she gone now, six months?''.

''Yeah. It's weird to think that I'm gonna be an aunt in three months''.

''So, when is she coming?''.

''Three days. She's staying for five''.

''She doesn't waste time does she?'', she smiled. ''I'm looking forward to seeing her again''. Maxine smiled.

''Yeah, me too''. Her smile dropped as she looked behind Brendan. Brendan turned to the balcony door and Nate stood at the end of the bar.

''Can I talk to you, Brendan?''.

* * *

Ste was hard at work all morning. He was full of smiles all morning despite the tension between him and Brendan, and only three other very important people know why he was so happy. Amy was taking the kids down to see him today- under one condition, though, Brendan can't know. She still didn't know how much Brendan has changed and still didn't trust him with her kids. Steven told a little ''Snow White lie'' to Brendan the other day, despite the witch being the liar. It wasn't the supplier on the phone when Brendan came home two days ago, it was Amy, secretly planning a date to to go see them.

Brendan was wrong to be angry last night, and this morning. This morning when Ste looked up after wiping his jeans Brendan was giving him the cold shoulder tending to his coffee, and then again when Ste was outside. Brendan didn't even say 'Goodbye'. He had seen Brendan watching him from the courtyard this morning. Brendan would get over himself eventually, though. He was right, Brendan wasn't coping. His thoughts were interrupted by his phone buzzing on the counter next to his chopping board.

His face formed a massive smile as he lifted it to his ear. Doug turned and watched him talk, all smiles. It made Doug smile along with him. ''Hello? Hiya. Yeah, I'm just at the deli with Doug. No he's at work. Yes, I'm sure. I saw him goin' in this morning. I'll make a move now, yeah? I'll put the kettle on. Alright, bye, bye, bye''. He put the phone and let out a cheerful sigh of anticipation. Doug turned to him.

''That Amy?''.

''Yeah, she's bringing the kids down today'', he said as he unbuttoned his apron and put it on the hook on the wall.

''That's great! I'm happy for you'', he smiled.

''N'aww thanks, Doug'', he said. ''Bye'', he called and Doug continued smiling. He was genuinely happy for Ste. He seen how distraught he was when Amy left last month, and now they were making progress. Ste had butterflies in his stomach the whole way home. He was surprised when Amy had arrived there before him. They were all smiling as they emerged from the taxi parked outside the flat. Leah spotted him first and ran straight for his privates.

''Daddy!'', she called. Ste let out an umph as he held her.

Amy laughed as she watch him squirm in pain.

''You'd think you'd be well used to that after all your experience'', she smiled. He stood up and gave her a hug, wrapping his hands firmly around her.

''I've missed you too, Amy'', he laughed into her ear and kissed her on the cheek, which she accepted. It was like there was no tension at all between them and that was good. Lucas was pulling on his sleeve to hold him and he did with one hand and held Leah's hand in the other.

''I've missed you all so much''.

''We've missed you, too. Haven't we?'', Amy smiled with appeasement. Leah agreed while Lucas just nodded simply. He doesn't talk much. It worried Ste sometimes and he often worried that he had a speech disorder, but they'll see how it goes. Ste found himself picking out the things that have changed since he last saw them over a month ago. Lucas' hair was shorter now and Leah seemed like she grew a couple of inches, but he probably just pictured her smaller.

Steven sat down at the table and gave Amy her cup of tea he promised. She sat across from him while the kids watched television and played with some of the toys that they had left behind.

''So how are you?'', she asked lightly, expected him to talk about how heartbroken he was after the last time she was here, but he didn't.

''I'm fine. We're getting by. I'm getting on with Doug, the business is doing fine. It's just...I'm worried about Brendan''. That was the first mention of Brendan's name since they arrived at the flat. Amy looked uncomfortable. Leah darted over to them at the mention of Daddy Brendan's name.

''Is Daddy Brendan coming to see us today?'', she asked innocently, hopefully. But that hope was dashed.

''No, he's very busy at the club''. Leah sighed an ''Oh''.

''But he's missing you loads though, he dead gutted that he couldn't make it here to see you''. Leah's face lit up at the thought.

''Really?'', she smirked.

''Yeah'', he smiled back, and that was all she wanted to hear as she resumed watching the television again.

''So how is Brendan?'', Amy asked , completely taking Ste off guard. He didn't think she'd even care, maybe it was just for Ste's sake, though.

''I don't know if, I'm to be honest. He's been too upbeat over the past few days for someone who's just lost his sister. Last night though...''.

''What happened last night?''. She was worried for Ste, in case he lashed out at him again.

''He had a breakdown, finally. He had a bit of a panic attack or summit in the club last night'', he whispered. ''But then we fought about it and haven't spoken since''.

''How is Cheryl?''.

''I don't know, she won't let anybody see her''. The conversation took a depressing turn. ''So, how's your bloke?''.

''Simon's fine''.

''The kids taking to him, then?''.

''Yeah, they're getting on great with him''. It made him happy that the kids were happy with Amy and Simon, but he was kinda jealous. They sat there in silence for a while, watching the kids play together, until Ste joined in with them. Some time later Amy and the kids left. Ste was sad all over again, but he had made progress and earned himself another visit in a few weeks.

''Now I hope you're still blowing me my kisses every night''.

''Yep'', Leah said, ''Do you?'', she asked.

''Every night'', he smiled. He gave them both a kiss and a hug and they went out and stood together by the taxi. Amy rubbed his arm and gave him a tight smile.

''Wait!'', he said calling them back. Amy sighed, wondering if he was having another one of his moments. He went running back into the flat and came back out holding two boxes that Amy recognized all too vividly. They were both colorfully wrapped with bows tied around them. The kids' eyes widened at the first sight of the two presents he was holding. ''These are from Daddy Brendan. He got them for ya the last time he was in Ireland''. His smile dropped as he saw Amy staring at him viciously. ''What?''.

''Ste...''. She was reluctant to start bashing Brendan again after what he'd been through. The kids walked back beside the cab, presents in hand.

''What Amy? How can you expect him to make an effort if you won't even let him try, eh?''. He won with his stubbornness. ''See ya in a few weeks, yeah?'', he asked, hopeful that she'd give him the answer he wanted to hear and that his little stunt hadn't scared her away for good.

''Yeah. I'll call you''. She bent down and adjusted Leah's dress and pointed in Ste's direction telling them to say ''Goodbye'' and waved. They did so and got in the car, and they were gone. Ste closed his door and locked it and strolled back to the deli, as high as a kite. As he walked in, Brendan and Nate came out of the balcony door of the club. Ste's good mood didn't last long, though.

When he walked into the deli Doug was sat on the sofa, his phone in his hand. He was staring into space, eyes focused on nothing but air. ''What ye doin', Doug? Doug?'', he repeated, waving a hand in front of Doug's watery eyes which seemed to break him of his trance. ''What's wrong?'', he asked kneeling down in front of him. Doug looked deep into Ste's eyes.

''It's my Dad'', he sobbed.

''What about him?''.

''It's his Parkinson's. The doctors say he's taken a turn for the worst, that he only has a few days left''. He was full on crying and took in a hitched breath as Ste held him in his arms and let him cry into his shoulder. Ste waited a while before saying anything.

''Are you goin' back over then?''.

''Tuesday''.

''Okay'', he whispered softly into his ear.

''I'm sorry for springing this on you-''.

''S'fine, Doug'', he reassured. He looked out the window and saw Brendan standing alone in the courtyard. Herb was teaching him a lesson in some ways, that anything could happen, and suddenly he wasn't angry at Brendan anymore. He resisted the urge to go out to him. He was right, and needed to show Brendan that he couldn't let everything he does slide. Darren peered into view and suddenly him and Brendan were talking and walking off together. Ste felt cold.

* * *

Brendan and Nate left Maxine at the club. They walked out onto the balcony and down the steps. As they did so, Brendan saw Steven walking into the deli. They arrive at a red convertable just outside the club courtyard. ''So, you're really going then?'', Brendan asked. Nate sighed and turned to him.

''It's for the best, y'know? Too much history and memories''.

''She really didn't let you see her?''. Brendan knew he was twisting the knife but he needed to know. Nate sighed again.

''No. She wants me to move on with my life. So that's what I'm doing. There's nothing left for me now, just reminders of what could have been''.

''Where you gonna go?''.

''The estate in Northern Ireland. Hopefully I'll be able to get away from all the drama for a while. Get my head around it all''.

''Yeah. Thank you, Nate''.

''For what?''.

''For taking care of Cheryl when you did. You both deserved the future that was ahead of you''.

''I guess it just wasn't meant to be''.

''How you getting there?''.

''Taking a ferry. First thing tomorrow morning''.

''You all packed then?''.

''Yeah. I should probably get going, a lot to do, y'know?''.

''Yeah, okay''. He pulled Nate in for a hug and then released him. ''Have a good life, Nate''. Nate smiled.

''You too. I hope things work out for you and Ste''. Brendan returned a smile as Nate got into the car, throwing his bag on the passengers seat. He looked around him at the flat, and then the club.

''Will you tell her I said goodbye?'', he pleaded.

''Yeah. Yeah, of course''.

''Thank you. Goodbye, Brendan''.

''See ye''. Nate nodded a smile and turned the keys in the ignition and radio turned on playing 'C'est la Vie' and both men chuckled to themselves,and off he went. Brendan's eyes followed him until the car drove under the arch and out of the village forever. His heart wretched. He turned to the deli and saw Steven holding Doug. Why was Steven holding Doug? To get back at him? It didn't matter though because he didn't care. He didn't want to pretend to be angry anymore, he wanted Steven to take care of him. Maybe it was just the vulnerable state he was in, but the desire for Steven to hold him washed over him.

He quickly snapped out of his thoughts, though, as Darren approached him.

''Brendan?''. Brendan raised his eyebrows in acknowledgement. ''Can I talk to you?''. Brendan nodded, staying silent. ''Maybe you could come over to the Dog for a pint?''. A pint didn't sound so bad to Brendan right now, he needed something to take his mind off the gaping hole in chest, so he agreed. The trek to the pub was as awkward as physically possible. Neither of them knew what to say. The last time they had spoken, Brendan nearly beat the shit out of Darren at Lynsey's funeral.

Brendan wondered if Darren forgot about it, thought he was always that nice when he was teaching Darren how to dance. 'Nice?', Brendan chuckled to himself. He so doesn't know Brendan. He remembered when Amy used to think he was nice, but not now. Brendan foolishly put her in her place, and hurt Steven after. That was the weirdest conversation Brendan has ever had to sit through. It was almost as awkward as this conversation now. Now that Amy knew how Brendan used to be, she doesn't trust him now, and she was punishing Ste because of it. He hasn't seen his kids in over a month and it was all his fault. He had changed. He wished they could just start again from the beginning.

The walk wasn't too long though and before he knew it he was being directed by Darren towards a table in the center of the pub. Darren went and got two pints and returned within moments. Brendan had already forgotten why he was here. There was a small awkward pause and it was becoming way too painful to have to sit through. ''So, Darren. To what do I owe this pleasure?'', he asked cockily before taking a massive gulp out of his pint. He even drank like a pig, as well as eat and act.

''Well, I wanna say that I'm sorry to hear about your dad''.

''Don't be'', he said hurriedly and uncomfortably. He needed to make sure no one got the wrong idea about him. That he didn't deserve it.

''And, for Cheryl''. Brendan sat back.

''Is that it? You dragged me all the way over here to tell me that your sorry? I don't need sympathy, Darren. What's done is done''. He asked himself how he could even say that. Sympathy was what he needed most right now, but not from Darren Osbourne, but from Steven. But he was angry at Steven, kinda.

''Well yeah actually''. Darren was becoming uncomfortable now, stuttering over his words. Brendan had heard enough, and pulled his chair out from under the table and stood up. ''There's more actually. You might wanna hear this'', he smiled. He was about to make Brendan's day. Brendan sat back down and took another large mouthful of his pint.

''Well come on, boy, spit it out''. Darren was far from a boy, and Brendan knew it. He was thirty one years old for God's sake, not that much younger than himself. Darren reached into his back pocket and took out a small, white piece of paper and placed it on the table and smoothed it out with his hands. ''What's that?''. He found himself sitting forward, curious.

''That, is a betting slip'', he smiled.

''If your looking for a tip Darren you're asking the wrong man''.

''I'm not looking for a tip'', he laughed. ''I've put the bet on already. Well I haven't but-''. Brendan was growing impatient now, wishing that Darren would just get to the point already.

''What does this have to do with me?''.

''Well, actually, Seamus was the one who put the bet on in the first place''.

''Oh''. Brendan's curiosity had been crushed like an ant under a shoe.

''Yeah, he left it here the other night and...''. He trailed off, but Brendan understood. Darren thought the idea of Seamus not being around to collect his winnings was tough for Brendan, but _that's_ what made Brendan's day- the fact he wasn't here.

''How much?''.

''What?''.

''How much is it worth?''. Darren's smile returned.

''It's worth almost two hundred thousand pounds'', he grinned. ''I told you'd want to hear this''. Brendan sighed. He couldn't believe he was about to say this but fuck it.

''I don't want it''. Darren's smile faded. Brendan didn't want anything from that man. Not him, not his love, and certainly not his money.

''What? Did you not hear me? Two hundred thousand pounds!'', he shouted.

''Did you not hear me? I don't want it''. Darren was angry, he didn't understand.

''You ungrateful little...''. Brendan raised his eyebrows, wanted nothing more than for Darren to finish. ''Do you know what I'd do for this? Brendan I'd kill for this! I need this money more than you could imagine. If we don't get some money together for Mitzeee then we're gonna be homeless! We're gonna h-''.

''You have it''. Darren stopped talking.

''What?'', he asked softly, wondering if what he was hearing was true.

''You take it. I certainly don't want it, I don't want anything from that man, and you need it more than me so...''. Darren's smile came back again. His smile was going up and down like a yo-yo during this whole ordeal that Brendan had to suffer through.

''Really? You better not be lying, Brendan cause-''. He was alarmed to see Brendan stand up, putting his hand on the slip, and seeing him push it in his direction. Darren shot up and threw his arms around him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Nancy, who was sitting behind the bar hadn't a clue what was happening, asking herself if her husband had gone gay for Brendan Brady. It made her smile. She didn't know why. It was probably because she needed something to smile at. They all did.

Darren loosened his grip around Brendan, who was smiling. ''You bring Ste round here, right? Anything you want from us, it's on the house, yeah? For life.''. Brendan huffed a small laugh.

''Yeah. Thanks''.

''No, thank you Brendan!', he laughed, putting the slip back into his pocket. He smiled, before swallowing down the rest of his pint and left.

''See ye'', he nodded. Darren just stared right through him, dazed by what he just heard. 'What's happened to me?', he asked himself. 'Since when do I do nice things for other people, and be happy about it?'. He _was _happy, nevertheless. It was late now. Steven was probably at home, which meant he had to shake the happiness and make himself sad now. He had to win Steven's trust.

* * *

Steven was in the shower when he returned home. It was so quiet now without Leah and Lucas to run around after. He was relieved that he didn't have to put on his charade just yet. He hung up his jacket and slumped himself across the sofa and reached out for the controls, but as Steven's phone began to ring he found himself picking that up instead. He was shocked to see who was at the other end of the line. It was Amy. Brendan panicked and before he knew it he had impulsively answered it.

''Hang on, Amy, I'll get-''.

''Daddy Brendan?''. Brendan shot to his feet.

''Leah?'', he laughed.

''Daddy Brendan!'', she shouted enthusiastically. Brendan found himself racing for the bathroom door.

''Hold on, Leah so I can get your Dad''.

''Thanks for the presents''. Brendan stopped where he was standing, right outside the bathroom door, his hand almost touching the handle.

''What presents?''.

''The ones Daddy gave to us earlier. He said you got them for me and Lucas in Dublin''. Brendan backed away from the door and walked back into the kitchen. He rubbed his forehead with his hand.

''You saw your Dad earlier?''. Brendan was crushed. Why wouldn't Steven tell him? ''When?''.

''At tea time. He said you wanted to be there, though, that you were busy at work and were missing us loads''. Brendan whimpered. He knew they were coming. He knew they were coming and he didn't tell him.

''Yeah, yeah I was busy today. I am missing you loads, though. And Lucas''.

''I miss you, Daddy Brendan''. Brendan felt his heart melt as he let out a painful sigh of relief. ''Did I leave one of my toys behind today?''.

''Hang on, I'll check, Sweetheart''. He quickly pulled himself together and walked back into the sitting room where a colorful little doll was sat beside the TV. He was surprised he hadn't noticed it before now. ''Cuddly toy? Blonde locks, pink dress, rosy cheeks, that the kind you were looking for?''.

''Yeah''.

''Well, not to worry. I'll personally keep her safe until the next time you come back down, that okay?''.

''Thank you''.

''No problem, Honey'', he said, putting the doll on the top shelf of one of the cupboards out of harms way.

''Uh-oh'', she whispered. Brendan's face froze.

''Simon's calling me for bed''. Brendan smiled to know that she referred to him a Simon and to himself as Daddy Brendan, that he wasn't Daddy Simon.

''Okay. Goodnight, Leah''.

''Goodnight, Daddy Brendan''. Then she was gone. He sighed with disappointment when she was gone and he realized that the shower was off now. Steven didn't tell him. He let Brendan go off to work instead of telling him that the kids were coming down. He knew how much he loved them. He quickly dropped his phone back on the table, grabbed his coat and left before Steven even knew he came home. He didn't know where he was going, but anywhere was better than here. At least now he didn't have to pretend to be angry with Steven.


	4. Chapter 4 : Field-Day

Blood flooded Brendan's clothes, his formerly white shirt soaking up all the red, and he stumbled around the village down to the alleyway under Chez Chez. He took one last look at Kevin as he was stuffed into the back of one of the cars. Steven began calling his name for him to come back, but he ignored him. The almost deafening noises were too much for Brendan to bare and he fell to his feet and crawled through the alley. He stood back up and a blinding white light focused on his eyes. He heard whispers and he frantically turned around searching for the source, but there was nobody there.

As he turned the corner, he lost his balance and fell to his feet, smacking his face off the concrete, blood dripping down his face from the gash on his forehead. He sat on his knees and elbows, looking at a pair of feet standing in front of him. His eyes trailed up the body until he saw the face. Cheryl. ''You did this''. She shook her hands, which were in handcuffs and she was crying. Her arms were cut up from the metal wrapped around her arms and blood dripped onto the ground.

''No. No I-I tried to protect ye. You-''. His vision went white again and the whispers came back, but when his vision returned, Cheryl was gone. He stood back up and squeezed a tight breath out of his lungs and wandered past his flat, not looking back. He stumbled forward and Steven came running around the corner.

''Brendan, stop! Brendan''. Brendan just kept walking though, and didn't stop, didn't look back. Steven watched as he walked away, like he always does.

* * *

EARLIER THAT DAY

As Brendan woke he moved his palm over the empty space in the bed next to him. He let out a tired and frustrated moan and he felt like his eyes were being peeled open. The light shining in through made him squint and let out another moan. He almost hardly recognized the grey wall he was facing. He stayed at his old flat for the last three days. It was empty now. Cheryl, Nate, Lynsey, even himself, had left it behind. He put it out on the market yesterday morning. It's day five of the fight. It was only pretend a couple of days ago, but not now. Now it was Steven who was screwing things up.

He wanted to stay in bed all day, forget the world around him, but he couldn't. He had to talk to Steven. He realized yesterday that he was being unreasonable. Steven had called around everyday since Brendan spoke to Leah, but Brendan just pretended he wasn't home. He hadn't left the flat since he first came in the other night, had Maxine do all of his dirty work. He thought he would have matured since Cheryl left, that he would have realized how precious time is when spent with the person you love, but not when he was hurting like this.

Anne was coming back today for a while. It was someone new to look at, instead of the same sorry faces. She was one of two people in the village who knew how little he was hurting over his father's death. Everywhere he went he was met with people telling him that they were sorry for his loss and that he'll get through this. They thought Cheryl was a monster. A murderer, someone who shot her own father for no apparent reason, but he knew. It sickened him to know what people thought of her. But he depressed enough as it was, so he pushed the thought into the back of his mind.

He eventually peeled himself off the lumpy mattress. Maybe he only found a bed comfortable with Steven, or maybe his back had just adjusted to the one at home. He wasn't sure for certain, but he laughed at the fact that he hoped it was the first one. No matter what he'll always love Steven, even when he was angry with him. After his shower Brendan came back downstairs to a knock on the door. He had planned to make up with Steven today, and now it was his chance.

He was extremely disappointed to see that it was actually Maxine at the door. She barged in without missing a beat and Brendan was suddenly aware that all he was wearing a towel around his waist. ''Come in'', he smiled, wrapping the towel around himself tighter and putting on a t-shirt to make himself a little more presentable. By the time he said it, she was already perched on his sofa. She planted a bag from the deli onto his coffee table.

''I brought you some breakfast'', she said, then planting her feet on the table, next to the bag.

He closed the door and picked up the bag and walking into the kitchen he said, ''Thank God, I'm starving. Thought you'd never show up with my-''. His disappointment grew when he realized that the monstrosity was a breakfast roll that was one of Doug's... creations.

''Something wrong?'', she asked, turning her head towards the kitchen slightly, her eyes were glued to the TV though, watching America's Next Top Model.

''No'', he sighed, before dumping the roll into the bin. If it wasn't made by Steven he didn't want it at all. He sat back down beside Maxine. ''So is this were you get your fashion ideas from?'', he joked as a woman walked down the catwalk in an unusally large dress obviously designed after a peacock.

''Oi. My dress sense is very fashionable. And says you, you think you're James Bond in those tacky suits of yours!'', she bit back.

''Okay, okay. But say what you want, James Bond is cool'', he smirked.

''I agree with that. Plus he's well fit, he is''.

''I know''. Brendan's face went immediately red after he realized that he just said that out loud. His eyes met Maxine's and they both burst out into an outrageous fit of laughter. He wasn't normally that open about the men that he fancied.

''So tell me, Brendan. Who's your favorite Bond?''.

''Sir Sean Connery''.

''Seriously? He's in all the oldies!''.

''So? There classics''.

''Yeah? I bet you thought he was well fit in his Hay Day, that's all''.

''Yeah, Maxine, that's it you got me'', he said flatly, slightly flailing his hands in the air.

''Oh, I get it. It's what I said isn't it? Hay Day. Got someone on your mind?''.

''Leave it, Maxine''. He was getting uncomfortable now.

''Oh, come on. You have to face him someday. You can't keep yourself locked up in here for the rest of your life, nor can you expect me to walk up all those steps to bring you breakfast everyday that you're only gonna end up throwing away!''.

''You saw that?'', he laughed.

''Too right I saw it. That's £2.50 you owe me''.

''I'll add it to your wages, I promise''.

''Oh, and that reminds me, you owe me my wages as well. It was due yesterday''.

''I really need to get out of here, don't I?'', he winced.

''Yeah, you do! And just in time, too. Mitzeee will be here in a few hours'', she grinned.

''Oh, God!'', he muttered. He wasn't ready for this, not today.

''Oi! That's my sister you're talkin' about! Anyways, I best be off. Got to get me nails done for our night out later''. Brendan raised his eyebrows in amusement.

''Night out, eh?'', he laughed. ''You know she can't drink, right?''.

''Yeah, but that doesn't mean I can't get drunk off me face though, does it?''.

''I suppose. But Mitzeee was never one to sit out from all the drama though, was she?''.

''Well she's gonna have to get used to it, won't she?''. Brendan laughed as Maxine walked out the door and came back in again. ''You've got a visitor''. Brendan shot to his feet and wiped himself down, suddenly self conscious. ''And try not blow it, yeah?''.

''Goodbye, Maxine'', he grunted. A knock on the door sounded through the flat and Brendan's heart pounded. ''Come in''. Steven came in then, and quietly closed the door. Brendan's chest tightened.

''Hiya'', he whispered softly.

''Hi'', Brendan said, given a tight, awkward smile. He thought that this would be easier, but every time he saw Steven's face he was reminded of what he done. Steven stepped closer to him and Brendan unconsciously took a step back. Steven quickly pushed it off.

''So this is where you've been hiding, then?'', he said, looking around, obviously acknowledging the emptiness of the flat. The police had taken almost everything, leaving him with nothing.

''Yep''.

''Why've you been hiding, then?''. Brendan became even more uncomfortable, he didn't want to say it. ''Brendan? Is that because of the other night at the club? I was only lookin' out for ya, ya know that. I didn't mean what I said about you giving yourself up for Cheryl. I was just angry that you were being stubborn, that's all''. That made Brendan laugh like a maniac inside his own head. Was Steven really giving Brendan a lecture about being stubborn? But Brendan's face didn't reflect how he was feeling inside''.

''It's not about the night at Chez Chez, Steven''. Steven walked up to him and cupped Brendan's face in his hands.

''Then tell me what I've done wrong''. Brendan roughly pushed Steven's hands off his face.

''So, I was talkin' on the phone the other night, while you were in the shower''.

''Oh?'', Steven said, hopeful that the phone call is what upset Brendan, and not him, but it was both.

''Yeah'', he said, suddenly upbeat. ''To Leah''. There was no going back now. Steven's face dropped. Brendan nodded in triumph, but he didn't feel triumphant. ''Why didn't ye tell me, Steven? That they were there. I know we had a fight the night before but...''. Steven looked into Brendan's eyes and saw grief. Neither of them had been sleeping well since Cheryl went to prison, and it showed. They both had strained, black eyes.

''It wasn't about the fight. I knew two days before hand''. Brendan sighed loudly and he pushed Steven out of space.

''Two days? You mean the night we-''. He had to cut himself off right there, didn't want to picture him and Steven naked together or he'd get distracted from his anger.'' Even when I kept my promise about Kevin? Even when-''. It suddenly dawned on him. ''It wasn't even the supplier on the phone that night, was it?''. Steven looked at the floor, and that was Brendan needed to see. ''Yep'', he said quietly and determinedly, walking away towards his bedroom. He was considering taking this place off the market.

''Bren, please? She said that you couldn't know or she wouldn't bring 'em?''. Brendan stopped and turned back at him.

''So?''.

''So?! Did you really expect me to say no? I haven't seen my kids in a month, Brendan! What did you want me to do?''.

''Well, standing up for me is a start. Or this might be pushing it, but actually being honest with me?''. He knew how hypocritical he sounded now, but he was actually planning on telling him the truth one day, unlike Steven as it seemed.

''Stand up for you?! She hates your guts, Brendan! And you know what I don't blame her for the way you treated me!''. That was it. Something snapped in Brendan's head ad before he knew it he was lunging in Steven's direction, grabbing him by the scruff of his collar. ''Get off me!'', he squirmed. He found himself outside and before he could even turn around the door had been already slammed in his face. He stormed off in a huff into the deli.

* * *

A couple of hours had passed since Brendan and Steven's argument in the flat. Brendan wondered why Steven didn't say sorry. Maybe he shouldn't be sorry. Maybe he was right. Brendan should be the one apologizing, not Steven. Steven was right, and Brendan was happy for him. He just wanted to be honest with Steven, and for Steven to be honest with him, so that's exactly what Brendan was going to do, be honest with him. If Steven had told him to just stay away while Amy was down he would have done so, and that's what hurt most, that Steven didn't trust him.

He had since changed out of his towel and t-shirt and back into his jeans. He slipped on his shoes and grabbed his phone and keys from the bowl on the table by the door. He was met with a breath of fresh air, the first in days. As he walked down the steps he could see Steven washing the deli windows. If only he had a penny for every time he saw Steven washing windows... He got to the bottom step and opened his mouth to speak.

''Well aren't you a sight for sore eyes''. It wasn't Brendan who spoke. It was Anne emerging from a taxi that Brendan hadn't even noticed was there.. Brendan ignored her and continued staring at Steven. When Steven acknowledged he was there he gave him that pouty look he has when he's angry, before tutting and walking off into the deli without letting Brendan say a word.

Anne approached Brendan who was still staring at the spot where Steven was standing moments ago. ''Well that was rude'', she muttered, flicking her hair trying to ignore the fact that Brendan had ignored her. Brendan turned to her.

''Sorry, I was just- Woah!'', he shouted as his eyes trailed to Anne's growing baby bump. It had grown more than Brendan had expected in six weeks, but there it was. ''Jesus Anne, cut down on the chocolate, yeah'', he smiled.

''Hey, I'm pregnant. And I wouldn't dare go near that crap, anyway!''. Same old Anne, Brendan thought as he pulled her into a hug. ''I'm so sorry about Cheryl''. He sighed into her ear in remembrance and kissed her forehead. ''Thank you. Now, come on. Let's go pay a visit to that woman you call your sister''.

''Oh, she's causing plenty of trouble then?'', she smiled. Brendan gave a small smile and a nod.

''Like you wouldn't believe. In fact, she's got a little surprise waitin' on ye up there''. He carried her bags for her as they crossed the street.

''Really?''.

''Yeah'', he nodded.

''Oh, I hope it's mayonnaise'', she clapped.

''Why would it be mayonnaise?'', he asked, laughing.

''It's the cravings. I'm mad for a bit of mayonnaise''.

''Well I don't think it's mayonnaise''. She looked disappointed. ''Think taller, blonder and brings a bit more danger with him than a couple of calories''. She looked at him inquisatively as he rung the buzzer. ''You'll see''. Before she could ask more questions Maxine swung the door open.

''Oh my God, sis, look how big you've got!''.

''Eh, it's because I'm pregnant, right. I'm not fat''.

''No'', she said playfully. ''Of course not''. She got a slap on the arm for her troubles as Anne walked right past her, dumping her suitcase beside Maxine for her to carry. Same old Anne, Maxine thought. They soon got reacquainted and before Brendan knew it they were already yapping away about baby talk. Brendan felt extremely uncomfortable in this situation. He could be off having make-up sex with Steven right now, but instead he had to listen to these two. He sat in the chair staring at the wall, frowning.

''Oh, cheer up mustachio!'', Anne teased.

''Mustachio. There's a new one'', Brendan grumbled. Maxine burst out laughing from her own thoughts.

''You'll never guess what he told me this morning!'', she laughed. ''He's in love with James Bond!''. The two girls began laughing hysterically.

''I didn't say love... I like him is all''. The two girls began laughing harder at his embarrassment. It's not everyday that Brendan Brady opened up about his sexuality.

''Oh no, that's right, you love Ste. You two still bumping uglies, then?''. He opened his mouth but Maxine spoke before him. She leaned down to Anne's ear and whispered loudly.

''They had a little lover's spat the other day''. Anne raised her eyebrows.

''Oh, don't tell me you blew it already!''.

''No. I was about to make it up to him now before you came butting in''.

''It's nice to see you, too, Brendan. So wheres my surprise, then?''. Maxine sat forward.

''What surprise?''. As if he was waiting for his cue to enter, Kevin opened the door and walked in.

''Surprise!'', Brendan shouted enthusiastically. Now he can get a laugh out of today as well. Anne turned to Maxine.

''Why does Kevin have a key to your flat?'', she asked. Her face was so stiffened she looked like she just stuck her fingers in a socket.

* * *

Ste slammed the lump of dough hard onto the counter, causing the nearby cutlery to shake and clang. He mimicked Brendan's previous movements from a few weeks back, except Ste was punching it like a boxing bag. All of his anger poured out of him as he lay all he had into the undeserving goop that lay on his counter. As his punches became more frantic his hand slipped and he punched the counter. He let out a loud cry in pain as he fucked the dough against the wall.

Blood dripped from his gashed knuckles. He was suddenly interrupted by Doug, who emerged through the back door.

''Hey are you okay?''. He held Ste's arm with his own as Ste washed it in the sink.

''I'm fine, Doug'', he panted. Doug removed his hand, suddenly noticing the lump on the floor and the stain left on the wall. ''How are you?''. Ste wrapped his hand in a towel.

''I'm going back now, actually. I'm just waiting on a taxi to take me to the airport''. He was becoming uncomfortable.

''I'm really sorry, Doug''.

''Thanks''. He gave Ste a half-hearted smile. ''Are you gonna be able to cope by yourself?''.

''Yeah, of course. You go and be with your dad. I'll get Leanne or Texas to come help''.

''How are things with Brendan?''.

''I don't know. He knows about Amy and the kids''. Doug bowed his head, suddenly realizing Brendan wasn't being as unreasonable as he initially thought he was. ''I don't even know if we're still together''.

''Hey, you'll get through this, you always do''.

''I'm supposed to be the one with a shoulder for you to cry on'', he half-smiled. Doug raised his eyebrows as he saw the taxi pull up by the deli window.

''No time, the cab's here''. Ste carried one of Doug's bags with his cut hand and he winced in pain when he realized how heavy the bags were. ''You okay?''. He raised an eyebrow at him.

''Yeah, I'm fine'', he smiled. He launched it into the boot of the taxi and gave Doug a long hug. ''I'm so sorry, Doug''. Doug smiled in acceptance and pulled away.

''Now, when I get back you have better sorted out this mess with Brendan. Otherwise I'd have given you up for nothing'', he smiled. The last time he'd been to the airport was the day he handed Ste the ticket for Dublin.

''I'll be sure to get right on that, Doug'', he laughed. Doug got into the back of the taxi and stopped Ste from closing the door.

''Wish me luck'', he sighed. Ste wondered how he could be so upbeat in a time like this. Maybe he was as good as Brendan about hiding his emotions.

''Good luck'', he smiled. ''Give me a ring when you land, yeah?''. Doug pulled Ste in for another hug.

''Yeah''.

''Now get going'', he said closing the door. He watched the taxi as it pulled out of Hollyoaks but got distracted when he saw Kevin walking casually through the village. He turned and nodded at Ste like they were close friends. He resisted the urge to tell him to ''Fuck off'' but he decided against giving Kevin the reaction he was craving. When he went back into the deli he realized it was one o'clock and the lunch time rush was about to begin. Hundreds of hungry teenagers were about to be let out of school for lunch.

He took out his phone and searched through his list of contacts until he found Leanne's name. He sighed. ''Leanne?''.

''Can you come in today? Doug's off to America. Why not? What wedding? Oh, right. Well if you need something to do, come by, yeah? Alright, Bye''. He was slightly relieved that Leanne couldn't come in. He couldn't handle her on today of all days. He flicked back through his phone again until he found Texas' name. ''Hello, Texas? Can you come for a shift at the deli? It's just that-''. He sighed. ''Why not? I thought Will's mum left him when he was a kid. Seriously?''. He sighed again. ''Alright, well if you get back early will you come by? Thanks''.

This was all he needed. A busted hand, a relationship in crises, no help and to make it worse, it was lunch time rush and a group of students came bursting through the door. ''Hiya, what can I get you?''.

* * *

So wheres my surprise, Brendan?''. Maxine sat forward.

''What surprise?'', Maxine asked and as if he was waiting for his cue to enter, Kevin opened the door and walked in.

''Surprise!'', Brendan shouted enthusiastically. Now he can get a laugh out of today as well. Anne turned to Maxine.

''Why does Kevin have a key to your flat?'', she asked. Her face was so stiffened she looked like she just stuck her fingers in a socket.

''Didn't Maxine tell ye? He lives here'', he boasted. He knew that with Anne's help Maxine will finally get rid of him for good.

''What?!''.

''Well, he had nowhere else to go and-''. Anne had lost all patience.

''Max?! You know this is _Kevin_, right?''. They were talking about him as if he wasn't standing in the middle of the room. ''You know, the Kevin that falsely accused Brendan of sexual assault, drugged you and locked you in here, that spied on us for Walker? The same Walker that shot Riley!''.

''I'm sorry'', Kevin interrupted, but all he got was a cold stare from Anne.

''I tried to tell her, I did''. Anne approached Brendan swiftly.

''You tried? You need to call the police, Brendan! He needs to get banged up for what he's done! You need a restraining order or something!''. Brendan stared at the floor. ''You know what actually? I'm gonna do it for ya!''. She made a move for the phone but Maxine jumped for it first.

''No! Kevin's not going anywhere. It's not his fault. Who knows what Walker would have done to him if he didn't do what he said''.

''You know what? You are right. Who knows? Maybe he would have shot him and left him to bleed in the middle of the street''. Anne turned and raced into Kevin's room, locking the door behind her.

''What's she doing?'', Kevin worriedly asked.

''I don't know. Anne? Anne come out. Please?''. She banged the door but got no response. Brendan sighed with relief. Anne was the only one who get through to Maxine and would go through anything to prove herself right. Most of the time she was. A few moments later she emerged holding a sports bag and jogging towards the door.

''Is that my stuff?!'', Kevin called, but Anne was already half way out the door.

''Anne, what are you doing?'', Maxine shouted, running out the door followed by Kevin and Brendan. Ste emerged from the deli and walked towards Price Slice. He was interrupted by Mitzeee charging out of Number 5.

''Mitzeee?'', he beckoned, waving his hands in the air, but she didn't even notice, too hell bent on getting rid of Kevin.

''Here's your stuff!'', she shouted, raising his bag and lashed it against the tree in the middle of the road. His bag burst open, spilling his belongings all over the ground. She turned from Ste and looked at the three stunned faces standing in the doorway. ''And here's your drugs!'', she shouted, shaking a bag of pills upside down so they spilled across the ground. Maxine looked at Kevin in horror. ''Get out here!''. Kevin hardly flinched.

''I'm not going anywhere, you mad cow!''. This is the moment Brendan was waiting for. Anne approached him and pulled him out of the doorway, reefing his collar. He pushed her arm away and took her wrist tightly in his hand. She began squirming in his grip. ''Who are you to come here and tell Maxine what to do, eh? You weren't saying this when you swanned off to America, where you?''.

''You're hurting me! Get off!''. She swung a left hook right into his nose, leaving an indent pressed into his cheek. Brendan's eyes widened and Maxine stood in shock. Kevin's nose bled like a waterfall and he released his grip on Anne's arm as Steven bellowed his obnoxious donkey laugh that Brendan loved out into the open.

''Something funny, mate?''. Kevin leaped in Steven's direction with an arm raised but suddenly he felt himself pressed against the Price Slice window and Brendan leaning against him.

''You better be careful how you speak to him, yeah? Otherwise, I'll kill ye. Do ye hear me? Do you hear me?!''. Kevin cleared his throat.

''Yeah'', he whimpered. Brendan released his grip.

''Good''. Steven walked past him into Price Slice and Kevin turned to Maxine who was still standing in the door frame, Mitzeee standing beside her.

''Maxine?'', he cried, kneeling on the ground. Maxine looked on at him for a minute. Anne held her hand and led her back inside, closing the door in his face. Brendan wiped his nose, sniffled and fixed his clothes. He looked down at Kevin who was sitting in a pile of his clothes. Pills were scattered across the ground.

''See ye around, Kevin''. Kevin didn't even acknowledge Brendan standing over him. Anne closed the door behind her as Maxine took a seat on the sofa. Her face mirrored the shock she was feeling. Anne sat down beside her but didn't say anything for a moment. She put her hand on Maxine's knee, who was staring into space, dazed by what she had just saw.

''Maxine?''. Maxine broke out of her bewilderment. ''I know it's hard for ya babe, but Kevin's bad news, and he always will be. I'm not gonna stand by and watch him hurt you again''.

''I know. You're right. Thank you, Anne, for doing what I couldn't''. Anne smiled and Maxine stood to her feet. She realized about ten minutes had passed since they left Brendan out there by himself. ''Maybe we should find Brendan''. They left the flat and looked on at the deli, where Brendan and Kevin were squaring off against Ste's commands for Brendan to stop.

* * *

''See ye around, Kevin''. Kevin didn't even acknowledge Brendan standing over him. Brendan left him to sit on the ground as he entered Price Slice after Steven, who was picking up two tubs of butter out of the fridge. Brendan approached him, noticing a bandage around Steven's palm. Brendan grabbed it for inspection ''What happened here?''.

Steven flinched at the touch. ''Nothing'', he said, withdrawing his hand from Brendan's grip, and continued shopping.

''Listen, Steven, we need to talk''. Steven turned to him, eyebrows raised.

''About what?''. He was acting breezy about it, or just being his usual stubborn self.

''Well, about us''.

''Us? What us?''.Steven began walking through the aisles, not looking for anything in particular, and Brendan followed.

''Ah, come on, Steven, don't be like that. I'm sorry about earlier. It's not about you-''. He suddenly realized Cindy was walking at the same pace beside them and gave her a dirty look. He pulled Steven back over to the fridge. ''Look, it's not about the kids coming down, it's not. It's about you being honest with me''.

''Me? Not being honest? Would you like a quick recap on our relationship, eh? Because I've got a couple of hours to spare''.

''A couple of hours? I wasn't that bad''.

''Oh, really?''. Brendan shushed him.

''Look, Steven, how can I expect you to be honest with me if I'm not honest with you? I've realized that now, so I'm ready to talk''.

''Talk about what?''.

''Everything. If wanna know something I'll tell you. I promise''. Steven considered it for a moment.

''Right. Come home later, and we'll talk''. Brendan smiled.

''Okay''. Steven walked past Brendan and payed for his butter and left for the deli. Kevin came in after him without hesitation, rushing towards him.

''What the Hell was that just now?''. Brendan didn't look at him.

''What?''. Brendan scanned the chewing gums on the shelf, ruffling through the different flavors. ''Strawberry, mint, liquorice, raspberry... no blackberry?''.

''You have no business telling Maxine what to do like that. We've got nothing to do with you''. Brendan settled for mint and payed Cindy at the counter, who was having a field day with all the drama happening here.

''You know, I really wanted blackberry. It's my favorite jam, too. All the other flavors just aren't wanted'', he muttered, before spitting his chewing gum at Kevin, who didn't move. Brendan was disappointed. He wanted a reaction out of the kid. ''You know, what would Maxine want with a poor council rat in a tracksuit, druggie friend, eh?''.

''Those drugs aren't for me. I was selling them to make some cash''. Brendan let out a loud laugh.

''Yeah cause a drug dealer is much better''. Kevin smiled.

''That's rich coming from you''. Brendan smile faded.

''I don't do that anymore''.

''Course not. That would explain the drugs in the stalls last month. It nearly tore you and Ste apart, didn't it'', he smirked. Brendan turned and walked towards him, pulling his fist back.

''Don't you dare!'', Steven shouted from the door of the deli. Brendan hadn't even realized that they had made it that far up the street. Brendan lowered his fist down to his side.

''No! No, come on, let's have it!''. Maxine and Anne came rushing up the street and stood at the Chez Chez courtyard. Cindy stood at the door of Price Slice, enjoying the show.

''Brendan, please. Just don't''. Brendan winked at Steven.

''Don't worry, I have a plan''. Brendan walked towards Kevin, and Kevin swung a punch right into Brendan's face.

''Come on, I can take it!'', he shouted, wanting more. Kevin swung another fist and it smacked his nose, sending a trail of blood to come rushing down.

''Brendan!'', Steven called, rushing towards him.

''Get back, Steven! More!''. Kevin gave another crippling blow to Brendan's stomach. ''Is that it? Come on! Take out all your anger on me, come on!''. Kevin swung an uppercut and Brendan gave in. He fell back onto the ground, lying in a pool of blood, breathing heavily. Steven knelt down next to him, cupping his face in his hands.

''Brendan?''.

''You need to cut him off'', he whispered, softly.

''What?''. Sirens came into their attention.

''You need to stop him'', he whispered, pointing at a deranged Kevin standing in horror as the police cars approached. Steven ran back into the deli and closed the door. Kevin ran back down to his stuff and began frantically stuffing the clothes back into his bag, before grabbing a bunch of pills off the ground and running into the alley next to Price Slice as the police cars arrived under the arch. Then Steven emerged from the alley, pulling Kevin by the scruff. Brendan stood up, and suddenly became overwhelmed by the noise and walked past Steven and Kevin. Steven fucked Kevin onto the ground.

Blood flooded Brendan's clothes, his formerly white shirt soaking up all the red, and he stumbled around the village down to the alleyway under Chez Chez. He took one last look at Kevin as he was stuffed into the back of one of the cars. Steven began calling his name for him to come back, but he ignored him. The almost deafening noises were too much for Brendan to bare and he fell to his feet and crawled through the alley. He stood back up and a blinding white light focused on his eyes. He heard whispers and he frantically turned around searching for the source, but there was nobody there.

As he turned around the corner, he lost his balance and fell to his feet, smacking his face off the concrete, blood dripping down his face from the gash on his forehead. He sat on his knees and elbows, looking at a pair of feet standing in front of him. His eyes trailed up the body until he saw the face. Cheryl. ''You did this''. She shook her hands, which were in handcuffs and she was crying. Her arms were cut up from the metal wrapped around her arms and blood dripped onto the ground.

''No. No I-I tried to protect ye. You-''. His vision went white again and the whispers came back, but when his vision returned, Cheryl was gone. He stood back up and squeezed a tight breath out of his lungs and wandered past his flat, not looking back. He stumbled forward and Steven came running around the corner.

''Brendan, stop! Brendan''. Brendan just kept walking though, and didn't stop, didn't look back. Steven watched as he walked away, like he always does. He was supposed to be honest now. He was supposed to.


	5. Chapter 5: Sliver

**New schedule, a new chapter every Sunday and Thursday. Thank you for all the reviews, follows, favorites and views. Enjoy!**

Brendan stumbled into the village. He was dizzy, exhausted and he was filthy. Muck and blood covered his clothes as he drunkenly slipped through the village streets. Everyone was looking at him, all eyes pointed in his direction, full of sympathy or pity, and Brendan didn't want either. He had a bottle of Jack Daniels Whiskey in his blood-stained hand. Ripped skin and flesh covered his knuckles. There was a hole in his trousers over a scraped knee. His hair was ruffled and pointing in one hundred different directions.

The door into the deli was locked so he knew it was early. He moaned and walked down the Chez Chez alley that he had crawled through yesterday. The gash on his forehead had formed into a scab with a couple of his rogue hairs trapped under it. There was dirt under his nails, and blood. His lip was split, or busted, he didn't remember. His eye had a purple rim around it and his eyeball was blood-shot. Bruises peppered his face, Kevin gives a fair punch when he's angry. He arrived home, and not Cheryl's apartment, his real home, with Steven.

As he approached the flat he realized the bottle was still in his hand so he threw it into a ditch across the road. When he went in the apartment was oddly noisy. Steven was in the kitchen ruffling through presses. Brendan watched him for a moment.

''Hi'', he muttered. He didn't know what else to say, apart from sorry. Steven kept searching through the presses, giving a small, swift glance at the sorry state of his boyfriend. He acted breezy at the sight of him, the cuts, the bruises, the blood, the dirt, but he was angry, so resisted the urge to give him sympathy.

''Steven?''. Steven continued through the presses until he found what he was looking for. He reached up and grabbed a doll from the top shelf of the press that he could just barely reach. Brendan caught sight of the doll that Steven didn't even try to conceal from him and he placed it on the counter. Brendan pointed at the doll facing him. ''The kids coming down today, then?'', he asked softly.

''Yeah'', he said quickly, ''and don't blow it for me, right? You've done enough of that already''. Steven was obviously angry, Brendan expected it.

''Were you gonna tell me at some point?''. He waved his hands into the air, but Steven wasn't facing him.

''Yeah, Brendan, yeah I was. But then you chucked me out before I could''. Brendan sighed and rubbed his forehead, wincing as his fingers rubbed the open flesh.

''Can I still see them?''. He knew he was pushing his luck, but he had to know. Steven huffed a laugh and turned to him, and Brendan saw the anger in his eyes.

''Well, I was gonna ask Amy later when she brings them down, but you can forget that now!''.

''What, why?''. He knew why, but he had to make a plea. He wanted to see them, desperately.

''Why? Why?! Are you really asking me that? Because you let Kevin beat the shit out of ya yesterday, because you went off yesterday without saying a word to me, ignoring me! I called you seven times last night. So much for you being honest with me, you didn't even show up for our little talk last night''.

''Steven, look I-''.

''No, you know what? I really was ready yesterday, to make another go at this again. But what you did yesterday, just showed me how little you have changed. It's just empty promise after empty promise with you''.

''I just want to see them, Steven. That's all''.

''Oh, right. As if I'd let them see you in the state you're in. Look at the state of ya!'', he shouted, looking Brendan up and down.

''What are ye talkin' about, Steven?''.

''Have you not seen yourself?'', he laughed. ''You're in a state, all over the place!'', he chuckled. Brendan looked to the floor, he didn't know how he was going to get himself out of this one.

''I love you, Steven''. It was all he got, but it beat anything else he could say, except in this case, apparently.

''Love? You don't know what love is, Brendan. If you loved me you wouldn't have left me on me own last night. You were supposed to be honest with me, tell me how you're feeling''.

''I do want to be honest with you, and I will be. Tonight''.

''No''.

''No?''.

''Yeah, no. You've had your last chance, Brendan. I thought that after everything you've been through that you would have grown up a bit''.

''Steven you need to let me explain, give me another chance''.

''Why?''.

''Because if me being honest proves to you that I love you then let me be honest. Let me explain myself''.

''I have to go to work''. It was all he could do to stop himself from hearing Brendan out. He wanted to be stubborn.

''Steven, don't. Please?''. Steven kept walking. ''Steven please!''. Brendan raced to the door, limping slightly. He closed the slightly open door before Steven could escape. ''Steven, I'm beggin' you''. His voice was desperate, but he was desperate. He could lose Steven forever over this, and that couldn't happen, not ever. ''Listen to me''. He was close to Steven, close enough to lean his head against his shoulder, so he did.

''The kids will be here in a couple of hours. Make sure you're not home, yeah?''. Brendan raised his head off his shoulder and stood away from the door, giving Steven the leeway he needed to leave.

''Yeah'', he muttered, staring at the ground as Steven continued his stern glare at him, before he left for work, slamming the door behind him. Brendan stood there for a while, not moving a muscle. He just stood listening to the silence, it was nice. His head ached as his soberness began to develop. He went to the kitchen and took a two pills with a glass of water. It hurt to swallow, drinking raw whiskey all night did that to a man. He watched the cars and people pass the flat out the window for a while. He just wanted to escape the world for a while. The morning sun was hidden behind a group of clouds that were floating by.

He went into the bathroom, looking at his own sorry state. He rubbed his fingers over the cuts and bruises. His phone buzzed in his pocket, the ringtone going through his sore head like a buzz saw. It was Anne. He hung up, wasn't ready for a lecture right now. As the call ended, an alert popped up that he had seven missed calls and he moaned. It was only when he held his phone he noticed his mangled, blood-stained hand. He took out a lunch box from under the sink and he opened the lid.

It was their bad excuse for a first aid kit and it was filled with bandages, plasters and alcohol wipes. He wiped down his cuts on his face and hissed as he rubbed it over his butchered knuckles. He didn't even remember how it happened, didn't remember getting into any fights. He took a shower then, thinking of his failing relationship with Steven. Somewhere, Walker and Seamus were laughing at him, enjoying watching him suffer, and he _was _suffering. After his forty minute shower, which mainly consisted of him sitting on the floor thinking of Steven, he put a plaster on his face and wrapping a bandage around his knuckles. He took out his electric razor, and trimmed his stubble that was growing in his face.

As he got dressed, he looked deeper into Steven's words. Did he mean that he shouldn't be in the flat when the kids arrive, or should he move out? He wasn't sure, but he didn't want either of them. He wanted Steven though, and Leah and Lucas. He wasn't going anywhere. He took out his phone again and realized that he had two missed calls from Anne. He discarded the thought of calling her back. There was something he needed to do today. Today, he was going to clear his conscience. He dialed a number into the keypad.

''Hello? Hi. I'd like to arrange an appointment to visit a prisoner, please. What time are visiting hours? Okay, thanks very much, mate''. He smiled slightly. Today, he's going to go see Cheryl.

* * *

Brendan walked under the arch and into the village. He was talking to Anne on the phone. He was back wearing his suits again, a dark grey one with a black shirt that had a hint of red and white on the collar. His hair was spiked and he was making an effort into his appearance again.

''Yes, Anne, thanks. Yeah I'm fine. Really. Yeah well I'm coming in now so...''. He trailed off as he walked past the deli, peeping in the window. ''Actually, Anne, scratch that''. Before she could even disagree he hung up on her and switched his phone on silent. She was trying to get him into the club to talk, but more important things had to be done. He entered the deli to about seven impatient customers standing in front of Steven as he franticaly tried to meet their demands.

He rushed behind the counter to the till and started taking orders. ''Hello, sir, what can I get you?''. He was putting on his best polite voice and beamed at the customers as he took their lunch orders.

''I'll have a cheese and chicken panini, please''. Brendan wrote it down on a page and passed it to Steven who was working in the kitchen.

''£2.00, please''. He happily took the money and mashed it into the till, taking the next order. A woman this time.

''Could I get a medium coffee to go, please?''. He wrote it down on the page and passed it back to Steven who was currently working on the panini.

''That's £1.90, please''. She handed him the money and made way for the next woman.

''A personal cheese and tomato pizza'', she smiled.

''£2.50''. She handed him the money and he handed the paper to Steven who handed him the cheese and chicken panini in return.

''Cheese and chicken panini!'', he called, and the man stood up from the sofa and took it.

''Thank you'', he said, before leaving. Next in the queue was Tom.

''Alright, buddy, what are ye having?''.

''A sausage roll, no butter, just ketchup''. Brendan smiled as he wrote it down. Now, there's a kid that know what he likes. He passed the paper to Steven, who handed him a medium coffee.

''Medium coffee to go!'', he called before the woman approached the counter, gladly accepting it, before leaving. The last person in the queue promptly left behind her. 'Fuck him', Brendan thought, before acknowledging Cindy standing in front of him.

''Is this your new day job'', she smiled, enjoying his embarrassment.

''Do you want something, Cindy, because we're on a tight schedule, yeah?''.

''I'll have...hmm...no...''. Brendan sighed. ''A ham sandwich with mayonnaise''. He wrote it down and handed it to Steven, who gave him a sausage roll.

''Little man?''. Tom turned around and took the roll.

''Thank you'', he smiled.

''No problem, mate'', he smiled back. ''Hi. What can I get ye?''. It was John Paul. He purposefully ignored their history. He was a mistake, he thought he had lost Steven forever. At that time he thought Steven was in America with Douglas.

''I'll have chip butty''. He too ignored their history, because Brendan was a mistake to him too. Brendan wrote it down on paper and gave it to Steven, who gave him a sandwich.

''Ham sandwich!'', he called, didn't even look at Cindy's face as she took it and grinned a 'thank you'.

Brendan hopped into the kitchen and checked the pizza was cooking okay, which it was. He heated a few partly cooked chips and cut and buttered a bun. John Paul was off making conversation with the woman who was patiently waiting for her pizza. Steven began cleaning the cutlery in the sink. Brendan moved swiftly to the oven and took out the pizza and put it into a box. ''Personal ham and cheese pizza'', he said softly to her, walking it to her and she smiled a 'thank you'.

He took out John Paul chips out of the oven too and put them on the bun before wrapping it in paper and handing it to him. He turned to Steven who was still washing up. He walked into the kitchen, expecting a thank you. ''What, not even a 'Thanks, Brendan' or anything''.

''A thank you? Are you kidding me? What, you thought that you do something for me and I forget everything? Yeah, thank you Brendan''.

''Why are you being like this, Steven?''.

''You know what? Just go. I was doin' fine on me own anyway''.

''Oh, yeah, Steven. I can see you had everything under control''.

''Just get out, Brendan''. Brendan, who was being as stubborn as Steven, just accepted it. He wasn't in the mood for a losing battle, because when Steven was like this he could never win.

''Fine. See ye''. He slammed the kitchen door behind him and then slammed the front door behind him as well and kicked the bench out side. Steven let out a sigh. It's not that he didn't appreciate it, he did, but he was still trying to teach Brendan that he can't get away with everything within the click of his fingers anymore. Anne approached Brendan outside.

''So this is where you're hiding. Did you sort things out with Ste then?''.

''Yeah, that's why I slammed the door and kicked a bench''. He sighed. ''No, Anne, he hates me''. He stared at the ground, hiding his vulnerable face from Anne. He knew he didn't need to, she already knew his darkest secrets.

''He doesn't hate you'', she tutted. ''He just needs time''.

''Yeah''. He turned and walked away.

''Hey, where are you going?''. Brendan kept walking, didn't turn.

''I need to go see someone''.

* * *

Brendan sat in his car outside the prison. He was nervous. He tapped the steering wheel and kicked his feet around, trying to occupy himself while he waited for visiting hours to begin. When he stopped moving around he realized he was shaking with fear. He wondered whether Cheryl would even see him, but she was his sister so she would. He wondered if she'd blame him for this, or push him away. He waited for another fifteen minutes before working up the courage to go inside.

Upon entering, he was handed a visitors pass to put on around his neck. He walked into the quiet visitors room and sat at a table. He folded his arms and sat back, resisting the urge to tap the table, trying not to break the peaceful silence of the room. He was surrounded by a bunch of people visiting their family and friends, and he thought about the guilty that were actually innocent. A creaking door opened and interrupted his train of thought.

A group of rather tired people came out into the room and sat down at tables. One very skinny man came rushing out into a kiss and was immediately dragged away with one guard shouting at him.

''This is your last warning about that''. He had seen it before when he was locked up. Prisoners would meet their druggie girlfriends and kiss the drugs into each others mouths and swallowing them before the guards had a chance to stop them. He looked around at all the faces before him, none of them Cheryl's. His worst fear was coming to life right in front of him. When the guard closed the door behind the last inmate, the fear came true. She was refusing to see him. Today, he was supposed to clear his conscience, but his hopes of that have just been dashed right before his very eyes.

He stood up, knocking the chair to the floor, and threw his visitors pass at the wall. The guards approached him, but he walked out, not giving them the satisfaction of throwing him out. He needed a drink. He walked outside, and breathed in deeply, shaking his hands as if in pain. Patters of rain began to fall around him so he made his way to his car. He got in and sat in silence for a moment. After a minute or two of silence, he let out a huge roar, and began punching everything in sight. He rested his head against the steering wheel.

He felt a tear run down his face as he started the car. He drove off in the rain and didn't look back. He pulled up into the village and into the Chez Chez courtyard, running up the stairs and across the balcony. As he entered, he heard the echo of thunder as he grabbed a bottle of whiskey and necked a mouthful of it. He proceeded to smash it against the wall, flipping stools, walking around the bar and started knocking everything to the floor, ripping money from the till and began throwing surges of it everywhere.

He turned around, only now noticing Anne sitting on the sofa, watching him casually. ''Having fun?''. She licked her finger and turned the page of her gossip magazine. Brendan sighed.

''Yeah, Anne, I'm obviously having a ball of a time''. He looked around him, watching the vodka and whiskey soak into the £20 bills on the floor. Anne patted the empty space on the sofa beside her.

''Come on, sit. Tell me all your troubles'', she smiled. Brendan reluctantly walked over her, stepping over the pool of beer beside her.

''I didn't hit you with anything, did I?''. He avoided any eye contact, hoping that even if he did hit her she would lie about it.

''No. So what's wrong?''. Brendan looked up at her now.

''It's Cheryl. She wouldn't see me''. Anne tutted.

''She just needs time. Give her a couple of weeks''.

''I think she blames me, for what happened''. Anne rubbed his knee.

''Why would she? She has no reason to, does she?''.

''No, but, what if it is my fault?''.

''What do you mean?''.

''I mean, she shot my Dad because of what he done to _me_. _He_ blames me for it, so why wouldn't _she_?''.

''Because none of this is because of you. You should be thankful that she walked in when she did''.

''Thankful? Yeah, Anne I'm so happy that my sister walked in on my own father trying to rape me and shot him dead. Thank God!''.

''What?''.

''He...he was about to rape me when Chez walked in''. Brendan stared at the floor below him and Anne adjusted herself closer to him.

''Oh, my God, Brendan. I'm so sorry''.

''Don't be. I don't want anybody to feel sorry for me''. They sat in silence for a few minutes, Anne didn't quite know what to say.

''Does Ste know?''.

''Know what?''.

''About your dad?''.

''Yeah. Yeah, I told him''.

''How did he take it?''. Brendan sighed.

''He- He said that, now's our chance to get that happy ever after''.

''And do you want it?''. Brendan looked her right in the eyes.

''More than anything, Anne. More than anything''.

''Then take it. You and Ste should get away from here, break free of the curse this village has over all of us. I did. I'm as happy as I can be right now''.

''I don't think so. Steven can't even look at me, after my little display yesterday. And after everything else I've done. He hates me''.

''Stop saying that. Ste loves you, but he's just angry with you, that's all''.

''No, I think this is the end. I think I've finally pushed him far enough over the edge''.

''Brendan, you need to talk to him. Tell him how you feel. You can't let him slip through your fingers yet again''.

''He said I blew my chance to talk to him. I think he wants me to move out''.

''But what do _you_ want, Brendan?''.

''It doesn't matter what I want, Anne''.

''Brendan...''.

''I want him. I want a future, give him the future he deserves, whether I'm in or not''.

''So do you think about your future a lot?''. Anne felt that she might be pushing him, but Brendan never felt that around Anne. She knew all of his secrets first, and she never judged him over any of it.

''Well, like I told Steven, I'm surprised I'm still alive to be honest''.

''You actually told him that?'', she laughed. Brendan laughed with her. It probably wasn't a good idea in hindsight.

''But I am though, all this with Warren and Walker and Samson. It's just too much''.

''Well, now that all the psychos are out of the way, what do you see?''.

''I see... Steven. Me and Steven. We own a house, married even. Seeing the kids every so often, all of them''.

''So are you gonna ask him to marry you then?''. Brendan smiled and raised his eyebrows.

''Maybe. Some day. We're not ready for that yet though. Not even close. But, if he asked me tomorrow, then...''.

''Brendan?''. Brendan softly watched Anne. ''You need to tell him. Everything that you just told me''.

''What makes you think he wants to hear it?''.

''For the last bloody time, Brendan, because Ste loves you. Honestly, how many times do I have to say it before you believe it?''.

''It's not you that I want to hear it from, though. When he tells me, I'll believe it''. Anne sat in acceptance for a minute.

''Well, I'm off. Me and Max are going on a night out''. She sat up and stepped over a puddle on the floor, ''And clean this mess''.

''Yes, Anne. Make sure you don't drink too much orange juice, you might fall and hurt the baby''. Anne huffed a sarcastic laugh the whole way down the stairs before shouting back up to Brendan.

''I mean it Brendan! Talk to him, he'll understand'', she called, before leaving. Brendan could hear the light pitter-patter of raindrops against the roof. He stood up and grabbed the brush and dust-pan out from the office and began to sweep the shards of glass into a pile in the middle of the room. He bent on the floor to pick up a large sliver that had managed to land under the sofa. He stood up and held it in his hand, staring at it, like he was expecting it to do something. He wrapped his hand firmly around it, relentlessly.

Blood began dripping onto the floor, forming a pool next to his shoe. He gave one last tight squeeze before dropping it into the the pile on the floor. He watched his hand, and raised it, and blood began pouring down his arm and up his sleeve. The worst part about it all, was that he couldn't even feel it. He was numb to the gaping slash cutting through the palm of his hand. He began picking at the wound, sticking his fingers into the slice, trying to feel pain, trying to feel something, anything, but nothing happened.

The flow of blood was increasing, and his it was pooling up in his shirt sleeve, and was running down his stomach and gathering in his trousers. A tear rolled down his face, followed by another. He wiped his cheek, spreading blood across his nose and mouth. He huffed out a shaky breath and knelt to the floor, his knees sitting in blood and whiskey and vodka. He needed to get changed, back into fresh, clean, clothes. A tracksuit.

He stumbled out of Chez Chez looking like he's just been stabbed or shot. He left a light trail of blood that faded away in the pouring rain as he fell up the stairs to Number 2. He eventually made it to the top, where he was close to crawling to the door. He was feeling woozy and light-headed, felt drunk. He pressed his hand against the door when he opened it, leaving a red, blood-stained hand-print on the blue door that eventually washed away in the rain. He got into the shower, fully-clothed, didn't even think about getting naked.

He watched the blood mix with water as it swirled down the drain. It was like a scene from Psycho. It definitely felt like one. He sat there for a while, before getting out and wrapping his hand in tissue and changing into a tracksuit. Like Steven, he had felt more comfortable in tracksuits now, and had grown accustomed to them. He went into the kitchen and put the kettle on and made a coffee. He didn't know why, he didn't even want one. He poured it into his favorite mug, the white one with the black mustache at the rim. Steven bought it for him a month or two ago, and he wouldn't drink out of anything else. He managed to salvage it on the sly after he started living here last week.

He picked up the cup and dragged it by the top of the handle, spilling half of it on the floor, before letting go of it all completely, and it fell with a crash that Brendan had managed to block out all together. He sat on the stairs and watched the door for a while. He wanted Cheryl to walk through it, or better yet Steven. But Steven hated him, was about to break up with him and leave him forever. Cheryl was doing the same, abandoning him. They all blamed him, blamed him for everything.

It was all his fault. Everything was. That's the reason he had nobody left. He stood up and walked towards the door, tripping on the mat and fell on the sofa. He looked at the ceiling for a few minutes, before standing up again. When he did so, he got a head rush, the little blood he had left now gathering in his brain. His vision was being invaded by white spots creeping in. He opened the door to a crack of thunder and a flash of lightning and he stumbled backwards, lying back on the floor. Heavy rain blew in through the door, hitting his feet and lower leg, while wind blew papers all around the room, a tornado of documents flying everywhere.

He stood up again, walking out outside without even closing the door behind him. The tissue wasn't doing a very good job of holding the blood and it was soppy and wet, and the rain didn't help either. He tripped on the third step down the stairs and fell back on his arse, sitting there in the rain. A figure charged from outside the Chez Chez alleyway and walked towards the deli. Steven. Brendan suddenly felt full of drunken energy, despite not being drunk. He skipped down the steps while calling for Steven.

''Oi!'', he shouted. Steven turned in his direction, and lifted the hood of his jumper down to see who was calling him. It was Brendan's jumper, the navy one, with the white strings coming out of the neck of it. He nodded his head disapprovingly and approached the deli again. Brendan, however, made it to him before he could unlock the door. He snatched the keys from Steven's hands and put them in his pocket.

''What ye doin'? I'm gettin' soaked 'ere!''. Brendan started laughing ferociously

''You really hate me, don't ye, Steven? Don't ye?'', he laughed. Steven pulled a disgruntled face.

''What you on about?''. He made a grab for his keys but Brendan swerved out of the way.

''You hate me! Come on, Steven, admit it!'', he shouted, raising his hands in the air. The streets were empty, only crazy people would be willing to be out in the lashing rain that was pouring over them.

''Admit to what? Brendan, come on I need me keys!''. He made another pass for Brendan's pocket but Brendan held a tight grip, keeping the pocket closed.

''I know you don't love me anymore''. Steven made his disgruntled face again before answering back.

''What?''. Brendan was becoming tipsy now.

''I know you still think I assaulted Kevin, and that I shouldn't be around Leah and Lucas, because otherwise you would have stuck up for me!''.

''How do you expect me to stick up for ya when you're acting like an absolute psycho in the street in the pouring rain, for Christ's sake!''.

''So you're not denying it then''.

''Denying what, Brendan?!''. He was losing his patience now.

''All of it. That you think I'm guilty, and that you don't love me!''. He pressed Steven against the door of the deli and pressed their foreheads together. ''Tell me you love me''. Steven looked down at the ground.

''Give me, my keys, Brendan''. Brendan laughed then, pushed himself away from Steven.

''Say it''.

''You know what? I don't have to listen to this''. Steven began walking towards the alley, but not long before Brendan had him in his grip. He pushed Steven backwards against the tree. ''Brendan get off me!''. Brendan tightened his hold on Steven's jumper, which was actually _his_ jumper. Blood began dribbling onto Steven from the gash in Brendan's hand. ''What have you done?''.

''Me? You did this''. He displayed the rip in his palm to Steven, who began sobbing.

''No, Brendan. You did it''. Brendan's face fell flat. ''Please? Just let me go, Brendan. I don't hate you, Brendan. I love you, I was just angry before''.

''No. No, it's too late to take me back, now''. Brendan noticed a figure standing behind Steven.

''I always knew you'd blow it somehow'', she boasted. ''You always do''. Cheryl. Brendan nodded his head, becoming extremely uncomfortable.

''No, no I always fix it in the end, though''. Steven looked blankly around him, wondering what the Hell was going on.

''Brendan?''. Brendan shushed him and continued staring at the empty space beside Steven.

''Oh, yeah, you always fix it. How are you going to fix me, Brendan? Bust me out? The two us goin' on the lamb? Eh? Fix me!''. Brendan was close to tears.

''I tried, I tried to fix you, I tried to help but you wouldn't let me! This is your fault! Your fault, Cheryl!''. Steven looked around him, trying to break the confines he was trapped in, but Brendan was too strong.

''Cheryl? What are you on about?''. Brendan closed his eyes, that usually worked. When he opened them, Cheryl was gone. He snapped out of his daze.

''Nothing. Nothing''.

''Come home, we can get you help'', he cried.

''Help?'', he laughed. ''What do I need help for? I'm fine. Absolutely fine''.

''No, you're not fine. But we can get through this together. We always do. Just let me go''. He held Brendan's clenched fists in his hands, and Brendan swiftly moved them away.

''Not every time. Not on purpose, anyway''.

''What do you mean?''.

''You were right, Steven. I was about to give up our future for Cheryl''.

''What you talkin' 'bout?''. His voice was soft, and tears were falling down his face.

''The night Cheryl went down. Oh, that reminds me, I went to see her today, by the way. She refused to see me, wouldn't come out. But anyway, back to last week. When I walked out on that balcony, I was about to get myself sent down for her. So she could live a life of happiness, and you could suffer, like you've make me suffer ever since''.

''I don't blame her''. Steven's voice was icy and cold. Brendan loosened his grip slightly, and turned his head, raising his eyebrows.

''You what?''.

''I said, I don't blame her, for not seeing you. Who would want a brother like you? Who would want a boyfriend like you? Or a father like you? A monster, a murderer, a psycho... a freak''. Brendan took a step back, releasing his grip on Steven. He felt his chest tighten, and his heart shrivel up. Blood was pouring from his hand again, and white spots peppered his vision. His muscles contracted, not letting him move. He felt like he was about to throw up. Steven closed his eyes and held the tears back. He approached Brendan, who was standing as still as a statue, it didn't even look like he was breathing, and stuck his hands in his pockets.

He ripped his set of keys out of his pockets and swung around, walking to the alley. He stopped before he turned the corner. ''I do hat- Brendan? Brendan!'', he shouted, running back to Brendan, who was lying face down on the ground, lying in a puddle of water and blood. He turned him over and slapped his face, but nothing. He put to fingers on his neck and made sure he still had a pulse. He took his phone out of his pocket and dialed 999.

''Hello? I need an ambulance to Hollyoaks Village in Chester. My boyfriend just collapsed in the street!''.

**Don't forget to leave a review, follow or favorite, as it will encourage me to make more. Thanks!**


	6. Chapter 6: Round Two

**Congratulations to Emmett and Kieron for winning 'Best On-screen Partnership' at the British Soap Awards on Saturday night! Chapter releases may be slightly delayed over the next week or so, but we'll see how it goes.**

Steven turned around and began walking away. Brendan took one step and he fell to the floor, his bones feeling like jelly. The next thing he felt was his face smacking against the hard concrete below and the tapping of heavy rain against his body. His final conscious breath was interrupted by dirty puddle water that he had breathed in as his face drowned in the streaming rainwater.

His eyes peeled open to a blur. A shady figure stood at the end of his bed. The room was brightly lit with blinding florescent lights on the ceiling. He couldn't make out anything around him, didn't even know where he was. ''Steven?''. He tried to pull himself up off the bed he was lying in. Two hands forced him to lie down and he rested his head back against the pillow. He felt a hand caress his.

''No, it's Anne''. He moaned, a wave of disappointment crashing against him. She was coming more into focus, and he could make out her big hair as she stood beside him.

''Where am I?'', he asked, being forced back against the bed when he tried to sit up again.

''You're at the hospital''. He moaned again, pulling his hand away from her and rubbing his aching forehead. Even just the thought of him sitting in hospital was painful to him.

''Why?''. She leaned forward, invading his space, until their faces were just inches from each other. She looked him in his eyes, needed him to understand that this is how it has to be.

''You're at the hospital because you had a fight with your boyfriend, and then collapsed in the street''. He looked around the room, as it came into focus. He saw machines hooked up to him, chairs, and the horrible nightie thing that he was wearing. His eyes trailed over to Steven's jacket, which was resting on the back of one of the armchairs next to his bed.

''Steven's here?''.

''Yeah, but he's off getting coffee with Maxine, he'll be back soon, though''. Brendan paused for a moment, wondering if she was lying, wondering if Steven didn't want to be there when he woke up.

''What did I say, during the fight?''.

''I dunno, Ste didn't really wanna talk about it, to be honest''.

''That bad, eh?''. He winced, knowing that it must have been bad, but it was okay, though, because today he wasn't letting any mishap stop him and Steven making up.

''You don't remember anything?''.

''Well, I remember coming back to the club after Cheryl, and we talked, and then I was holding a piece of...''. His face dropped, turning white. His eyes showed nothing but panic as he lifted his hand and started peeling and unwrapping the bandages around his hand.

''A piece of what, Brendan?''. Anne darted forward to get a better view of Brendan's hand.

''Oh, God''. Brendan revealed a mangled hand, which, was gaping, and bleeding and long. It covered his whole palm, which now looked like something from a horror movie.

''Brendan?''. He shot his eyes up at her after a moment, eyebrows raised.

''A piece of glass''. He wrapped it back up, staring down in shame that he was even capable of doing such a thing to himself.

''Look Brendan, I know that you're finding this difficult with the whole Cheryl and Ste thing but...''.

''But what? What, you think I'm self-harming?''.

''Well...''.

''Well, nothing, Anne. I don't do that, okay? I've never than that and I never will. I need to see Steven''. He attempted to pull himself up again, until he realized how little energy he had. He needed food or a coffee or something. Anne pushed him back down for what felt like the sixth time since he'd woken up.

''You're not going anywhere. You need to rest. Ste will be back in a while anyway''. She was right. He rested his head back down and let his body relax.

''So hows Maxine?''.

''She's good, I guess. I mean, her roommate was just kicked out and then she found out he was a drug addict''.

''Well, according to him, he was just dealing''.

''Oh yeah, cause that's so much better isn't it?''. They both laughed together, only Brendan realizing that he said the exact same thing two days ago.

''How long have I been in here?''.

''All night. About fourteen hours or so''.

''Tell me you haven't been here all night, Anne''.

''Of course I was''.

''Ah, Anne. You were supposed to be off having fun, remember?''.

''Yeah, until you had a fit in the middle of the road and had to be brought to hospital. Besides, drinking orange juice and watching your sister get shit-faced in a nightclub, while seven months pregnant is not fun, let me tell you''. Brendan didn't reply, he was kinda relieved that she cared that much, or she just didn't want to go out.

* * *

Steven waited patiently in line in the cafeteria, checking his phone to make sure Mitzeee hadn't called him. If she had, then that meant Brendan had woken up. Eventually the agonisingly long line had cleared, he paid for his coffee and joined Maxine at a table.

''So?''. Ste stared at her in confusion.

''So?'', he replied.

''Any word''.

''Oh, no. Nout''.

''How are you?''.

''I'm alright. I can't say I'm shocked to be here, though''.

''What do you mean?''.

''Well, it's happened before. Last week. It was only a matter of time before it happened again''.

''What? Why didn't you take him to hospital?''.

''Because he ran anyway from it. Like what he does with all his problems. He's too proud to ask for help, or tell me how he feels or...''. He sighed.

''What?'', she asked, sitting forward and putting a hand on his.

''He thinks I hate him. That's what the fight was about''.

''He thinks you hate him?''.

''Yeah. We haven't exactly been getting along with each other since the whole thing at the club with Cheryl''.

''So do you? Hate him?''.

''No, 'course not. I love him. I almost said it, during the fight, but he collapsed before I could finish my sentence thankfully''.

''What happened?''.

''We said some things, I said mostly terrible things, things I didn't mean. That I regret saying''.

''Ste, you need to tell him how you feel. You two will get through this''.

''Yeah, I hope so''. They didn't say anything after that. Ste swallowed most of his nearly cold coffee in one gulp before his phone buzzed, the vibrating making him jump. Maxine sat forward in anticipation.

''It's Mitzeee. He's awake''. They took their time leaving, Ste wasn't in any hurry to see him. He was now completely ready to finally reconcile with Brendan, so he made his way to him. When he arrived at the room Brendan was waiting expectantly to see his boyfriend or ex-boyfriend or whatever he was to do a runner. He didn't though, it was Anne who ran instead.

''We should go, leave you two alone''. She gave Brendan's arm a squeeze and smile at Steven before leaving with Maxine, who mouthed 'Good luck' discretely to both men. Steven sat in one of the armchairs by the bed, and they sat in silence for a moment.

''I'm sorry'', Steven muttered, not meeting Brendan's eyes which were staring at him.

''For what?''. Steven looked up in disbelief.

''For what I said yesterday and how I've been acting over the past week''.

''To be honest, I don't even remember the fight yesterday''. Steven sighed.

''Do you wanna know what I said?''. Brendan winced slightly at that, wasn't too sure himself.

''Do I want to know?''.

''I think you should, before we go anywhere with this''. Brendan looked at his feet.

''Okay'', he said softly, bracing himself for the worst.

''I said...''. He sighed and Brendan closed his eyes. ''I asked you who would want a brother like you... a boyfriend like you... a father like you. That you were a monster. A murderer. A psycho. A ... freak''. He was ashamed of himself, of course he was. Brendan looked at him then, and Steven could see that he was fighting back welling tears in his eyes.

''You said that?''. He was broken, and his voice showed it. Steven leaped to his feet and stood beside Brendan.

''I didn't mean it, though. I don't know why I even said it and I certainly don't think it either''. Brendan looked away. ''Brendan? I love you''. Brendan looked back at him, still fighting tears. He lay back and moved over to the opposite side of the bed and lifted the covers, signaling Steven to get in, which he did. Brendan moved closer to him and they wrapped their arms and legs around each other.

''I forgive you''. Steven smiled and closed his eyes contently. ''And I love you, too'', he whispered before kissing Steven on the cheek. Steven turned his head to face him.

''It's about time''. They chuckled together before relaxing again. They lay there for a while before talking again. ''Doug's dad died last night''.

''Yeah?''.

''Yeah, which means that I'm gonna be dead busy at the deli this week''.

''Maybe I can come help ye?''.

''No. You're taking it easy this week. No work, right?''.

''Jesus, we're back together five minutes and you're already controlling me again'', he said jokingly.

''I have you wrapped around my little finger, don't I?''.

''Yeah, you do'', he smiled before they leaned in for another kiss. This one was long and open- mouthed, and certainly a long time coming, too. It was desperate and needy and they needed to make up for a week of lost time, which they had both made a mental note to do later. They lay in each other's company for another while.

''How are the kids?''.

''Good, yeah. They were asking for ya, but you were dead busy at the club apparently''.

''Is that so?'', he laughed.

''Yeah. I'll speak to Amy about you seeing them. If that's what you want''.

''It is. It is what I want''.

''So you coming home today?''.

''I dunno. That's up to the doctors now''.

''I'll sort it out''.

''Aww. You're too good to me'', he smiled playfully. Steven smiled back at him, gaining his confidence again.

''I'll show you just how good to you I can be later on'', he winked. Brendan's smile grew, if possible.

''Oh, yeah?''.

''Yeah''.

''What about now?''. Steven squinted, sitting up.

''Now?''.

''Yeah, now''.

''Brendan''.

''Ah, come on. I've been waiting a whole week for this, you know?''.

''Yeah, so have I. But our make-up sex isn't going to be in a hospital bed''.

''Why not? You can be the doctor and I can be your patient''.

''No'', he laughed. ''Trust me, it will be worth it later''.

He lay back down in Brendan's arms, Brendan kissing his hair and trying to fight a boner. Eventually he settled back down and then relaxed in Steven's arms, laying his head on Steven's chest while Steven rubbed his back, which he found comforting. ''We still need to have that talk''. Steven was surprised that Brendan was the one bringing it back up.

''Yeah. Tonight?''.

''I'll be there. And I really mean it this time''.

''Good''. A while later the doctor came in and ruined the mood, and brought Brendan in for a physical exam and some tests. After the tests, Doctor Kurtman sat them both down in his office.

''We have the results'', he claimed, shuffling sheets of paper on the desk sat in between them. Brendan and Steven gave each other a quick glance before sitting forward.

''And?'', Steven questioned.

''My best guess, is Vasovagal Syncope''.

''What's that?'', Brendan asked, feeling Steven grab his hand.

''Vasovagal syncope is a temporary failure of the brain to maintain blood pressure and heart rate that caused the you to lose consciousness and fall. This can be caused by fear, pain, anxiety, trauma, blood loss, extreme exertion, prolonged static standing, physical or emotional stress, or an unpleasant sight, sound, or smell. Most of which, were your own symptoms, Mister Brady''.

''Will it happen again?''.

''We can't say for sure, I'm afraid, but there is medication we can give you that may help you''.

''So we can hold it off then, right?''.

''Well, in some cases, it fails to treat the patient. But, if this is a stress related case, Mister Brady, I may have to recommend stress therapy''.

''Therapy? No''.

''Brendan''.

''Mister Brady, as I am sure you are aware, all options must be taken into account when dealing with this''.

''I'll try the medicine, but not the therapy''.

''As you wish, but, I must warn you, if this medication does not work, you could lose consciousness at any point. Whether you're standing at the top of a flight of stairs, or behind the wheel of a car. I'm telling you this, because, you are not the only person at risk here''.

''I'll take the medicine''.

''Fine, but I want regular updates on your health state, and whether or not it happens again. If so, contact the hospital immediately, understand?''.

''Yeah, yeah''.

''And I recommend staying home from work for a while, and staying away from any stimulants, such as coffee and fizzy drinks, or anything with a lot of caffeine for that matter. And stay away from alcohol, too''.He scribbled on a piece of paper, and handed it to Steven.

''His prescription. Only take recommended doses, and all the information is on the instructions. And here, take this leaflet, get yourselves up to speed on all of the information available''. Steven took it, while Brendan stood anxiously and awkwardly by the door.

''Thank you very much, mate'', he smiled, shaking his hand, and all Brendan could mutter was a simple, ''see ya'', as he rushed out the door.

* * *

Steven shot in the door and went straight into the bedroom, and Brendan followed, laying on the bed.

''If I knew you were that eager for make-up sex then I would have asked to be discharged hours ago'', he laughed.

''Very funny, Brendan'', Steven mocked picking up his work uniform that was lying in a ball on the floor. ''I have to get to work''. Brendan collapsed into the mattress, moaning in protest.

''Ah, what? You have to stay home with me, seeing as I'm not allowed work''. Steven ignored him, undressing until he was fully naked in front of Brendan, making Brendan painfully hard. ''Now, that's just teasing me'', he grunted as Steven pulled a fresh pair of boxers up his legs.

''I said later, didn't I? Sometimes I think that's all you love me for'', he smiled teasingly.

''Well, yeah. I suppose it is''. Steven gasped, now fully clothed, and picked up his pair of boxers from the floor and threw them at Brendan's face. Brendan proceeded to catch them and hold them there, breathing them in.

''Oi! I was up all night in them. They're probably rank by now'', he warned, taking his boxers away from Brendan's face, to which Brendan moaned again.

''Jesus, Steven you've gotta give me something!''. Steven leaned down and gave him a peck on the lips, and this clearly wasn't enough for Brendan as he pulled Steven on top of him, kissing him intently and deeply. Steven squirmed out of his grip and stood up from the bed.

''Goodbye, Brendan'', he smiled, walking out and ignoring all of Brendan's pleads to him for sex.

''But make-up sex is the best sex!'', he shouted as Steven closed the front door. Brendan sighed as he lay back down and when he sat up it was two hours later, he having been asleep. He took a shower and got changed into fresh clothes and made his way to the club. He walked past the deli window, and noticed that it was empty and Steven was just sat there, bored as fuck by the till. He pressed his face against the glass.

''_Please?_'', he begged, and when he caught Steven's attention, he shouted, ''No!'', while motioning with his hands for him to go away, which Brendan did. He entered the club, which was open, and Anne and Maxine were in there, sitting on one of the sofas, chatting and talking like sisters should.

''So, you're back, then?'', Anne asked. Brendan tilted his head and smiled, sitting on the other sofa across from them.

''It's good to see you too, Anne''.

''Want a drink?'', she said teasingly. Brendan rubbed his eyebrow uncomfortably.

''I'd love one but I'm not aloud''. Anne tilted her head.

''Aww, doctors orders?''.

''And Steven's. No drink and no work''.

''No fun either'', she muttered.

''Oi'', he warned, raising his index finger in her direction.

''So you two are okay, then?'', Maxine asked.

''I think so'', he smiled. ''Yeah, yeah we are''.

''So what _did_ the doctors say?'', Anne questioned. Brendan sat forward.

''It was brought on by stress. I need to take it easy for a while. It's something called Vasovagal Syncope''. Anne tilted her head. ''It's complicated''.

''Ah, boring. So where is Ste by the way?''.

''He's at the deli, why?''

''Why is he at the deli?''.

''He has to make a living?''.

''Why aren't you with him? You should be off romanticizing'', she laughed.

''That's funny, Anne, it really is. How long have you been sitting on that one?''.

''It just came to me''. Maxine sat forward, obviously out of the loop.

''Am I missing something here?''. Brendan and Anne looked at each other and smiled.

''Well, a couple of years ago when Brendan and Ste first became an item, it was a secret''.

''Oh'', Maxine purred.

''So how about that drink?'', Brendan muttered sarcastically.

''And I caught him smooching his boyfriend in the SU Bar!'', she laughed. Maxine laughed with her, and Brendan sat back red-faced.

''Yes, yes, everybody laugh at my expense'', he pouted.

''And then, he agreed to be my manager if I pretended to be his girlfriend!'', she croaked.

''So, what's happening tonight?'', he asked, changing the subject.

''There's a party. Glamour Ball''. Brendan's face dropped.

''Glamour Ball? Really? Anne, you've been here for five minutes and you're already turning the whole look upside down''.

''Hey, I'm leaving in a couple of days, let me have some fun. Why are you so bothered, anyway?''.

''I was gonna ask Steven out tonight''.

''No, you should come. I thought you weren't allowed drink anyway''.

''Yeah but you don't need to be drunk to have fun. I can do some orange juice shots with you''.

''He's too busy drunk on love anyway, Anne. You should see him around Ste, it's adorable''.

''It's not adorable'', he moaned, trying his best to hide his smile.

''So you're coming tonight, then?''.

''Yeah, I suppose. I'll talk to Steven first, though''.

''Okay''. Brendan stood up and walked swiftly to the door.

''I'll pop over now, actually. See ye in a bit''.

''Bye'', Anne and Maxine called in unison. He raced down the steps and across the road. He couldn't wait to see Steven again. When he entered, the shop was quiet, empty in fact. It made Brendan wonder why Steven was here at all, and not at home fucking him. Steven was in the kitchen on the phone, so Brendan took his chance when Steven was most vulnerable. He stepped into the kitchen and wrapped his hands around Steven's waist.

''Yeah, _Doug_''. He hoped that if Brendan knew it was Doug, he would stop. But Doug's life had nothing to do with Brendan, so he just continued kissing Steven's face and neck. He grabbed Steven's clothes, and his arse and crotch and anything he could get his hands on. ''Sorry, Doug, there's a customer and I'm gonna have to call you back''.

''So I'm just another customer now, am I?'', he asked quietly, burying his face into Steven's shoulder from behind.

''You will be now in a minute if you don't back off'', he smiled.

''Ah, I'm only playing''. But he really wasn't, they'd fuck here if they could.

''I know, but later, yeah?''. Brendan shot him a wink.

''Oh, I'm counting on it. And speaking of later, there's a Glamour Ball on at the club and I was wondering if you wanted to go for a drink''.

''You're not allowed drink. Doctor's orders''.

''Doctor Hay's orders more like''.

''Hey, you have to take it easy. I can't have you fallin' all over the place everyday, can I. You need to relax. And anyway, why are you inviting me to a Glamour Ball?''.

''Well, it's just gonna be pink and glitter and disco balls, isn't it? I'm not expecting a dress and glass slippers, Steven''.

''Hey, I didn't say I didn't want glass slippers''.

''Yeah, grand. I'll look into that for your birthday''.

''Yeah, I'm up for a night out. Home early, though. I've got some very time consuming plans for us tonight''.

''Oh yeah? Like what?''. His eyes were gleaming and intent, looking right into Steven's. Brendan was holding him now, tightly around the waist.

''I guess you'll have to wait and see'', he smiled teasingly.

''Or you could just show me now. I'll show you my plans if you want''.

''I've got to work''. Brendan looked around him, exaggeratedly.

''Really? 'Cause it's dead in here''. He got a slap for that.

''Oi, you made me miss me lunch time rush... again''.

''Oh yeah, remember the last time that happened. We can have a repeat of that day''.

''I'll see ya later, yeah?''.

''Too right you will''.

''Too right I will'', Steven smiled into a kiss, and they moaned into each others mouths, remembering their happy, short-lived bliss back in December. Brendan's hands trailed down Steven's chino's and they caressed his arse, before he pressed two fingers into his hole. Steven bit Brendan's shoulders as his fingers delved deeper into Steven. His moans were muffled by Brendan's suit jacket as his dick hardened.

Suddenly the door opened and with great internal struggle, Brendan released him. Steven popped his head out kitchen door to the customer. ''I'll be with ya in a minute, mate''. When he turned back, Brendan was sucking on his fingers that were in Steven's hole a minute ago. Steven let out a winded gasp. ''Oh my God'', he whispered, before sticking his tongue down Brendan's throat, catching him completely by surprise.

When the kiss finished, Brendan resumed sucking his fingers. ''Delicious'', he muttered, before leaving the kitchen. ''See ye later'', he called, before leaving.

* * *

Brendan sat at the bar, drinking orange juice, and hating it. Steven was late, as usual, but he had Anne Maxine for company, who were busy behind the bar at the moment. Brendan watched their rushed movements, frantically trying to keep up with the demand. He didn't even know why he was here, Glamour Ball wasn't the best night to be in a club. It was all slow-ish love songs that were more Anne's repertoire than Brendan's. Steven would love it though, that's right up his street.

''You know, you could help!'', Maxine called, breaking him of his trance. He found it amusing to watch them both run around in circles. Who knew that Glamour Ball Night would be so popular?

''No, thanks. Doctor's orders''. He got no response, she was probably too busy to even listen to him. Brendan watched the dance floor, it was packed. There were pink lights scattered around the room, and a disco ball hanging from the ceiling. There was pink furniture everywhere, and he didn't know where it all came from, but he was sure his bank account did. He lost his thought as Steven approached him and caught him by surprise with a kiss.

Brendan urged him to the bar swiftly and caught Anne's attention with his waving hand.''What are you having?'', he asked intently.

''Orange juice'', he smiled. Brendan huffed a sarcastic laugh. ''I'm serious. If you can't drink then I won't tease ya''.

''You're too good to me. Two orange juices please, Anne''. She waged her finger.

''Coming right up, boys''. When they had their drinks, Brendan began to talk.

''You're lookin' well'', he smiled, pointing at Steven's very tasteful shirt that he was wearing tonight. Steven smiled back.

''You don't have to butter me up, you know? I've already told ya you'll be getting some later''. Brendan looked forcefully appalled.

''That's terrible'', he laughed. Steven nudged him with his arm softly.

''Thank you'', he smiled. ''You're not lookin' too bad yourself''. Brendan tilted his head.

''Well, apart from the cuts and bruises and the partly black eye...'', he laughed.

''Yeah, apart from your disfigured face, you're lookin' well fit''.

''Oi'', he smiled, poking Steven in the rib-cage with his fingers. Steven leaned closer to him, their mouths inches apart.

''Only joking'', he smiled as he leaned in for a kiss, which Brendan accepted. It made Steven warm inside that Brendan was that comfortable kissing him in public now. When the kiss broke, Brendan held Steven's hand in his and led him to the dance floor as a slow song began to play. He put his hands on Steven's waist, and Steven wrapped his hands around Brendan's neck. They held each other close and intently. ''Why am I always in the girly position?''.

They both laughed, and Brendan held Steven even closer than before, and rested his head on Steven's shoulder. ''Is Brendan Brady slow-dancing with me?'', he grinned.

''Hey, I can move''.

''I don't think _I've_ ever seen you dance''.

''Yes, you did'', he said, pulling his face away so he could look at Steven.

''When?''.

''Remember when we went on that date with Noah?''. Steven remembered then, the bad memories of unsettled Brendan, but he laughed anyway.

''Oh, that's right. That was when you were jealous of me havin' another boyfriend''. Brendan looked deep into his eyes.

''I wasn't jealous. I was just madly in love with ye and I thought you were movin' on from me''.

''I was'', he smiled. Brendan looked around the room and raised his eyebrows.

''Clearly not'', he laughed. They danced for another moment before Brendan nestled his face into Steven's shoulder, and breathed him in. ''I've missed you'', he whispered as he kissed Steven's neck and his hands trailed down to Steven's bum. Brendan felt Steven smile against him.

''It's only been a week''.

''Yeah, a week too long'', he muttered. Steven carried on smiling as Brendan caressed his bum.

''I missed you, too''. Brendan tightened his hold on him as they swayed and spun to the music.

''I love you'', he whispered intently and his voice was full of desire.

''I love you, too''. Brendan pulled back and kissed him again, for the third time tonight. The difference now was that Brendan was delving deep inside him, sticking his tongue as far down his throat as possible. Anybody that had any complaints can fuck off and get out. Anne and Maxine smiled watching them, the bar was now less busy than before. When the song ended, Brendan released him.

''I'm gonna go get some air. Back in a few'', he smiled, giving Steven's hand a quick squeeze and watched him return to the bar before turning around and heading downstairs. As he approached the door, he noticed something in the corner of the room. He walked closer to the two figures doing a deal of some sort. As he stood practically a couple of feet away, he knew what was going down. Drug dealing.

He grabbed the kid holding the bag of assorted pills, E's probably, by his collar. He looked like he was about sixteen. What was he doing drug-dealing at his age? He shoved him through the doors and pressed him hard against the wall. ''What do you think you're doin', kid?''.

''I-I'm s-sorry, mate'', he stuttered. Brendan tightened his grip on him.

''Don't call me mate, boy. What's your name?''.

''R-Robbie''.

''Listen, Robbie, if I catch you near my club again, I'll kill ye, yeah?''. He nodded his head. Brendan released him, still holding the bag of pills.

''What about my pills?''. Brendan laughed.

''These are mine now, kid. So I can burn them. Here'', he muttered as he pulled a pill from the bag and flicked it in the air, making Robbie jump for it like a dog. ''For the road''.

''I can't believe you!'', Steven shouted, slamming the door shut and storming towards the alley. Brendan grabbed his hand and pulled him back.

''Steven, this isn't what it looks like, okay?''.

''Oh, is it ever? I can't believe you're dealin'!''. Brendan grabbed his face.

''Steven, I told you before, I don't do this anymore. I caught the kid dealing when I was coming out, alright?''. Steven pushed Brendan's hands away. ''Ah, Steven''.

''How convenient that you just happened to be walking past him''. Brendan looked at Robbie, who was enjoying watching Brendan suffer. Steven began walking down the alley, and Brendan raced after him, trying to grab hold of Steven.

''Steven, believe me when I tell you something!'', he shouted, finally gripping Steven to a halt. Steven grabbed hold of Brendan's shirt.

''Promise me those weren't yours''.

''They weren't''.

''Promise me!''. Brendan sighed, and held Steven's clenched fist and kissed it.

''I promise you, Steven. Those weren't my drugs and I wasn't dealing, okay?''. Steven smiled.

''Okay''. Brendan pulled Steven along, but not towards the club, but in the other direction. ''Where are we going?''.

''Home, Steven''. Steven let himself be pulled along by his boyfriend. ''We need to have that talk''.

''Right''. When they arrived home, Brendan was preparing himself for the worst. He couldn't believe that he was the one bringing this up, wanted to put it off for as long as possible, but he promised Steven this morning that they would, and he kept his promises, and this would prove it. He sat Steven down on the sofa and he sat beside him, holding Steven's hand.

''What do you want to know?''.

''I wanna know what happened in the club that night''. Brendan swallowed.

''Okay... where do I begin?''.

''From where ever you want''. Brendan swallowed again, before beginning.

''Well, I was having a drink in the club, and I was going to tell Cheryl everything... but then my dad came''.

''Okay''.

''He- He told me... that... um...''. He took a deep breath. ''He told me he wasn't sorry. And then he tried to rape me''. They both found themselves welling up now. Steven jolted forward, and hugged Brendan tightly.

''Oh my God, I'm so sorry, Bren. I'm so sorry. I should have been there''. Brendan pushed him away, a tear rolling down his face.

''No, no you shouldn't have. I don't blame _you_, Steven. I don't blame anybody except him''. Steven sat back and cried into his hands, and Brendan cried just watching him. ''And then Cheryl came in''. Steven pulled his hands away from his face, hanging on his every word. ''And she was holding Walker's gun and... and then it went off''. Steven caressed Brendan's hand in his.

''Then what?''.

''Then I cleaned her off, and we got our story straight''.

''And that was?''.

''I'm so sorry, Steven but, I wanted to take the blame''. A tear fell down Steven's face.

''I know''.

''You do?''.

''You told me yesterday''.

''I did?''.

''Yeah''.

''Steven, I'm sorry. I had to save her. I feel so guilty over it, for doing it _and_ for not doing it. She didn't deserve to go down, I was supposed to pay for my sins''.

''You don't have to do anything, Brendan. Except be with me''. Brendan gave him a soft smile, and Steven gave one back. ''And there's one more thing''. Brendan raised his head and looked him in the eyes. ''Yesterday, it was like you were having two conversations in your head. One with me, and one with... Cheryl''. Brendan looked down to the floor and turned his head away from Steven.

Steven turned his head back to face him, and held Brendan's face in his hands. ''Hey, it's okay. You can talk to me, you know?''. Brendan nodded.

''Okay. I think I was talking to Cheryl yesterday. I see her in my head, every time I... shut down. I don't know why I see her. I think she blames me for what happened to her''. Steven tutted.

''Brendan, listen to me. Nobody can blame you for what happened. It wasn't your fault. You have nothing to feel guilty about, you tried to save her for Christ's sake. Cheryl confessed herself, she knew what she was doing''.

''Before my dad died, he said everything bad that happens is my fault, and he's right''.

''Well, Brendan, it doesn't matter. 'Cause I will always love you no matter what, okay?''. Brendan gave a weak smile.

''Is that it?''.

''That's it. That's all I wanted to know''. They sat in silence for a while after that. Brendan let Steven soak up everything that he's just told him, before pulling Steven over him, his head resting on Brendan's chest.

''So are you going to show me what you planned to do tonight, then?''. Steven raised his head, giving Brendan a cheeky grin.

''You still want to...?''. Brendan tilted his head inquisitively.

''Want to what, Steven?'', he teased.

''Have sex''.

''Steven, I've been waiting for this for a week. And actually, I have my own plans for us tonight''.

''Show me'', Steven smiled, as he grew hard against Brendan's cock. Brendan picked him up and carried him into the bedroom, and placed him gently on the bed. Kissing him ferociously the whole time. He unpeeled Steven of his clothes, and Steven did the same to him. Brendan pushed them under the covers and began grinding hard against Steven's cock. They moaned into each other's mouths as the kiss grew deeper.

Bursts of pleasure ran through Brendan's body as he felt himself rub off Steven's skin. He held Steven tight, and dipped his head down, and whispered into Steven's ear, something that made Steven jolt to a halt. ''I want you to fuck me, Steven''. Steven sat up, forcing Brendan to sit back.

''You what?''. His face showed exactly how shocked he was, his mouth forming an 'o' shape. Brendan just smiled intently at him. This wasn't because he was vulnerable or because of the state he's in.

''You heard me''.

''Are you sure?''. Brendan sat forward, lying on top of Steven again.

''Of course I'm sure. This isn't just some impulsive decision, Steven. I've been wanting this for ages now, I was just afraid before''.

''Afraid of what, Brendan? I'm not gonna hurt ya''.

''I know, I know. I trust you completely. Fuck me hard, Steven''. Steven turned Brendan over and peppered kisses down his spine. When he got to Brendan's arse he spread the cheeks wide and stared at what Brendan had to offer him. His pink, tight hole was surrounded by a trail of hair than continued down to his balls. He pressed his entire face into Brendan's arse and took a deep breath in, before opening his mouth around it.

He gave Brendan teasing licks around the hole, making Brendan impatient. Brendan pressed Steven's face deeper in, and Steven giggled as he maneuvered his tongue into his hole, giving him deep plunging licks. Brendan jerked his hips backwards, was desperate for more. The licks became deeper, harder and more aggressive. Steven couldn't get enough of this man, and he never will. He pulled his face away and Brendan felt slightly disappointed, but excited about what was next.

Steven licked two of his fingers and pushed them in, and Brendan moaned into the pillow. Jerking his hips and fucking himself on Steven's fingers. His muscles contracted and loosened around Steven, but Brendan wanted more. ''Put another one in'', he demanded. Steven did what he was told, pressing another finger in deep and hard, relentless in his movements, the way Brendan wanted it. Brendan turned on his side slightly, and pulled Steven's waist towards his mouth, taking all of Steven's cock into his mouth in one quick suck.

He gave quick, deep-throated sucks, not gagging at all. He slurped up the pre-come as it poured out of the head of Steven's cock. Steven moved his face down to Brendan's cock and licked his balls, taking one of them in his mouth and sucking it, making Brendan moan louder. In retaliation, Brendan shoved two of his fingers deep into Steven's hole, who shushed his cries of pleasure by taking Brendan's cock in his mouth. They were both overcome with pleasure, and Brendan came right down Steven's throat, who licked up every drop of come that spilled from his slit.

Brendan pulled Steven up the bed, and slowly, sat on his lap. He didn't so much as wince as Steven's cock pushed it's way through his tight hole. He wanted this, more than anything right now. The head pushed it's way up even further as Steven sat forward, pushing Brendan onto his his back. Brendan screamed with the pleasure as he rested his feet on Steven's shoulders, who in turn pushed in even further. He could faintly make out Brendan's, ''Oh God's'', and his, ''fuck,fuck,fuck's'', that he muttered under his breath.

Brendan looked into Steven's eyes, and then let out a loud moan as Steven felt himself slide past a lump inside Brendan. Brendan began writhing on the bed, pleasure shooting up and down his spine as he pulled at his hair. ''Have you ever done this before?'', Steven muttered softly. For a moment he thought Brendan didn't hear him.

''No. You're my first'', he smiled, still writhing on the bed. Steven gave him a huge smile that Brendan returned. It made him tingly inside that he got to take some part of Brendan's virginity. He gave small, easy thrusts at the start, until Brendan demanded that he go harder, so he did. He pummeled Brendan's tight hole, both of them gasping for breath as they became comfortable in this new position. Steven thought it would have been ages before anything like this happened. He felt Brendan's prostate rubbing against his aching cock as he delved deep inside of Brendan.

Brendan pulled Steven close to him, and combed his fingers through his hair as he kissed him deeply and roughly, the rubbing of tongues and clang of teeth making the experience more pleasurable. Brendan pushed his hands from Steven's hair and brought them down to his unmanned hole waiting to be finger fucked. He kissed Steven as his fingers traveled into him. After a few minutes, he pulled out and pushed Steven backwards and sat on his lap, getting fucked harder, faster and rougher.

Brendan felt himself come again from the intensity of it all, coming over Steven's stomach and chest, not even having to touch his throbbing cock. He leaned his head down and slurped up as much as he could reach, and shared it with Steven as he pulled him in for a kiss, both himself and Steven tasting him. Steven's movements became more frantic and uneven, and then, Brendan felt warm liquid fill his hole as Steven let himself go inside him. Brendan waited until Steven was finished, before laying Steven on his back and pulled Steven out of him. They both felt a sudden loss as he did so.

Brendan pulled the blankets around him, and lay on top of Steven, pressing his face against Steven's chest and kissing his naked and come-soaked body, letting the come dry on both of them. Steven played Brendan's hair, while Brendan breathed in the smell of Steven and sex. ''That was...'', Steven panted, and Brendan looked up at his face, his head still leaning against Steven's chest.

''That was amazing. We are _definitely_ doing that again''. Steven laughed, and gazed at Brendan.

''Oh, yeah?''.

''Absolutely. But round two can wait a while, I need to catch my breath first''. He pulled himself up the bed and lay beside Steven, who curled an arm around him, and held him close.

''Did that feel good?''.

''Is that a real question?''.

''I suppose not, seeing as you came twice in five minutes'', he laughed. Brendan just watched him. Steven was his, and he was Steven's, and Steven could do anything he wanted with him. ''Have you eaten anything yet?''.

''No, I'm starving. Chinese?''. Steven smiled and nodded. As they ate their Chinese takeaway, they sat in bed reminiscing about the old days of their relationship.

''I'm sorry I stole the deli off ya''. Brendan laughed, it was silly to be apologizing now, that was nearly a year ago now.

''I'm sorry I paid a Steven Hay- lookalike to make your boyfriend cheat on you''. Steven tilted his head in confusion until it dawned on him who he was talking about.

''Oh, Noah'', he laughed. ''You did me a huge favor that night actually. He would have cheated eventually, wouldn't he?''.

''That's good to know''. Steven laughed again. ''What?''.

''I'm sorry I outed you to Cheryl''. Brendan's jaw dropped.

''That was you?''. Steven nodded in confirmation, and Brendan threw a pillow at him for his troubles.

''Hey, that was like two years ago, though''.

''I'm sorry I left during our first date''. Steven smiled at him, surprised he even remembered.

''I'm sorry I hit you with a baseball bat and put you in hospital''.

''Oh my God, I forgot about that!'', he shouted, playfully hitting Steven in the shoulder. Two and a half years ago it wouldn't have been so playful.

''I'm sorry I didn't kiss ye in the office that day''. Steven didn't remember that one. ''Last year? Amy had just left''.

''Oh, now I remember. I'm sorry you didn't, too''.

''I'm sorry I led you on the day of the Enchanted Forest Party''.

''I think you said that one already''.

''No, I was sorry for the scamming you bit''.

''Oh right. Yeah, I have to admit that letter broke my heart a little''.

''A little?'', Steven smiled, nudging him with his elbow. Brendan sighed.

''Okay, a lot. I'm sorry I didn't go to Disneyland''.

''No you're not'', he smiled.

''Yes I am'', he said, defensively. ''I wanted to go, but Declan couldn't have found out, could he?''.

''Well, he knows now''.

''I know''.

''I'm sorry for pouring that drink over your head when I found out about the 'lookalike' plan''.

''Don't be'', he laughed. ''I deserved it''.

''Yeah, you did''. Brendan pushed his shoulder slightly.

''Oi! I'm sorry I made you think you made the first move on me''.

''You what?''.

''Yeah, I tripped you the night we kissed in the apartment''.

''Seriously?''. Brendan nodded his head. ''So my whole sexuality and our whole relationship is based on you pushing me to the floor''.

''I caught you though, didn't I?''.

''Yeah you did'', he smiled, as he leaned forward and kissed Brendan, who was immediately growing hard again and pushing his hands down Steven's trousers.

''Now, about round two...''.

**Please follow, favorite and don't forget to review. Thanks!**


	7. Chapter 7: Always and Forever

**Thanks for all the great reviews! I know it's really late but I just can't find the inspiration to write it as much as I used to. It's sickeningly blissful and has absolutely no story to it all, enjoy the fluff while it lasts-there will be no more! But hey, they deserve some happiness, right? And the opening is a bit rough, but you've been warned...**

Brendan lay in bed, unable to open his eyes. When he did, the room was dark, and Steven was lying awake beside him, rubbing the small of his back, which he felt quite comforting. He lay on his back, and pulled Steven partly on top of him, pulling him in for a long, soft kiss. They lay there for a moment in each others presence, appreciating each other. He held Steven tightly, and Steven did the same, gripping him by the back of Brendan's neck. Brendan pressed his face into Steven's hair and breathed him in, and Steven played with his chest hair.

''Turn over'', Steven whispered. Brendan smiled, and obeyed his orders. He enjoyed being fucked by Steven, loves giving the man he loves the power, and the ability to have Brendan melt in his hands. Steven started with small, light licks to Brendan's hole, until Brendan arched himself and widened his cheeks, allowing Steven to go deeper down, the furthest he's ever been. Brendan couldn't wrap his mind around the pleasure he got from Steven fucking him, the thrill. Steven is only the second person to touch him there, he lied last night, but it was for the better that he didn't know, didn't want to put him off doing it after only once, Brendan wanted more.

Steven pushed two fingers in together, and Brendan moaned eagerly into the pillow, panting and salivating like a starved animal. He rocked his hips back and forth as the fingers inside him searched for his prostate, to reduce him to nothing. Finally, the fingers found the sweet-spot and began pushing hard against it, causing Brendan to roar as he became overcome with pleasure.

''Fuck me now, Steven. Right now''. Brendan felt a loss of contact as the warmth of Steven's fingers left him. Suddenly, a huge cock pushed against Brendan's loose hole and caught him by surprise, causing Brendan to hmm and sigh in the release it gave him. ''When did you get so _big_?''.

''Why? Are you enjoying that?''. Steven's light, quirky voice was replaced by a rough, deep one, and the grip Steven had on Brendan's hips was growing tighter by the second. Brendan stopped in his movements, face turning a pale shade of grey, and suddenly he wanted to throw up. Tears welled up in his eyes as he reluctantly turned his head. _It couldn't be, could it? _He turned his head and lay on his back, frozen in his movements as he saw Seamus kneeling on the bed behind him, both of them... naked.

''What's the matter, Son? You look like you've seen a ghost'', he laughed, gripping Brendan's wrists in both his hands and holding them tightly against the mattress. Brendan was crying, tears flowing down his face and squirming as Seamus added the pressure of his body on top of Brendan.

''No no no no. No! Somebody help me! Help me!'', he cried as he felt Seamus re-enter him. He closed his eyes and when he opened them, his cheek was raw and tingling with pain. Seamus was replaced by a reluctant Steven sitting above him, who looked close to tears, and had a red mark near his eye. The same couldn't be said for Brendan, who looked around him, and noticed he was soaked with sweat and tears and the rip in his palm was bleeding again.

* * *

Steven woke up with a kick, causing him to toss and turn in the bed until he couldn't stand the shuffling and shaking of the man next to him. He sat up, and wiped his eyes open, squinting as the morning light creeped it's way in through the window. The blankets were ripped off him and revealed his bare body, and he wondered if this was just a plan by Brendan to get into his knickers again. Steven got up, and grabbed the closest pair of boxers, which as it turned out were Brendan's, and were far too big to fit Steven's waist but fuck it.

Steven jumped as Brendan started waving his hands in the air and flailing around the bed. ''Brendan?''.

''No'', he muttered, squirming in Steven's grip as he leaped onto the bed to hold him.

''Brendan wake up'', he said, shaking him. Tears were pouring down Brendan's face, and was in a state that Steven had rarely seen him in, and his hands were gripping the bed-sheets tightly. Blood from his palm seeped into the bed-clothes, turning the bright blue into red.

''No no no no. No! Somebody help me!'', he sobbed. Suddenly, Steven felt a smack against his cheek, and he flew off the bed with the force of Brendan's unconscious swing. Steven sighed.

''That's it'', he muttered to himself as he pulled himself up to his feet. He restrained Brendan's swinging legs by stradling his waist, and raised his right hand in the air. ''I'm sorry''. And with that, he unleashed all the power he had pent up inside him with a smack against Brendan's cheek. Brendan's eyes cracked open, wide and dilated, and strained. His cheek was raw and tingling with pain. Seamus was replaced by a reluctant Steven sitting above him, who looked close to tears, and he had a red mark near his eye. The same couldn't be said for Brendan, who looked around him, and noticed he was soaked in tears and the rip in his palm was bleeding again.

Steven gripped Brendan's face in his hands and held him, rubbing his sore cheek soothingly. Brendan muttered inaudible 'words' of babbling, until he was shushed by Steven. ''Hey, it's okay'', he whispered. Brendan closed his eyes and when he opened them, he was relieved that this was reality, not a dream this time. He noticed the burning red mark under Steven's eye and rubbed over it softly with his thumb.

''Did I do that?'', he whimpered, unable to control the depth of his voice. Steven nodded, and Brendan winced, but Steven held him tighter.

''But it doesn't matter though, does it? You were asleep, you couldn't have possibly known what you were doing''. Brendan smiled, and rubbed his own tingling cheek.

''I suppose we're even now anyway''. Steven huffed a little laugh, before his smile dropped.

''Are you okay?''.

''Yeah, I'm fine. Just a dream''. Steven tilted his head.

''Seemed more like a nightmare to me. You wanna talk about it?''. Brendan nodded dismissively.

''No''.

''What about the whole honesty thing, eh?'', he said, raising his eyebrows in anticipation.

''I know, but this is different''.

''In what way is this different?'', he asked, getting off Brendan and laying in the bed next to him, and pulling the sheets over both of them.

''This is for your own good, Steven''.

''Just tell me, Brendan, right?''.

''Okay, fine. But first, I want ye to know that what happened between us last night was great. Amazing, even, and I don't want to discourage ye from doing it again''.

''It's okay, Brendan. You can tell me. You can tell me anything''. Brendan let another sigh.

''In my dream...''. Steven sat forward in anticipation, yet again, and held Brendan's hand. ''I... eh... we were having... sex''. Steven gripped his hand tighter and sat closer.

''Okay''.

''Well, we _were_ anyway''.

''What d'ya mean?''.

''We were doing what we were doing last night. It was you... at first. But then I turned around and it was... Seamus''. Steven released Brendan's hand from his own, and sat back, leaving a gap between them. He was taken aback, and it was clear in his expression of an open mouth and wide eyes that he was shocked.

''Oh, God''. Brendan filled the gap again, and took hold of Steven's arm as he attempted to stand up off the bed, but was pulled back down again.

''It's okay, though. It was just a dream''.

''Yeah, a dream that was brought on by what happened last night. That's my fault, that''.

''Eh, how is this your fault, Steven. I wanted you to do it. I still do. A little dream isn't gonna put me off it for the rest of my life''.

''Really?''.

''Yeah, ye idiot. Last night was too good to just throw it away like that''.

''Did ya really like it, then?''.

''Yeah. I thought I made that clear'', he smiled. ''Now I know why you're so desperate for it''. Steven slapped him on the arm.

''Oi! You're the desperate one. Gaggin' for it, you do be''.

''Well, that's only because I have to ask for it''.

''Why? You're the dominant one''.

''No, I _used_ to be the dominant one, back when I was an asshole, remember?''.

''Vividly'', he laughed.

''But now, you have complete and utter control over me. You say 'jump', and I ask 'how high?''', he grinned wolfishly, grabbing Steven's hand and giving it a tight squeeze before hissing and withdrawing his hand.

''We need to sort this out, first''.

''First before what?'', he asked, sheepishly.

''Before I cook breakfast'', he called as he left the room and walked into the kitchen, before realizing he was completely naked the entire time and returning to grab his dressing gown from the back of the door. ''Those suit ye by the way''. Steven looked at him, confused, before looking down in the direction Brendan was pointing at.

''Do you want your boxers back?'', he laughed. Brendan raised an eyebrow.

''Nah. I like it. It's kinda... sexy'', he smiled.

''What? Seriously? Is this turning you on?''.

''Maybe''. Steven stood up off the bed, and began walking towards him enticingly, and wrapped his arms around Brendan's waist.

''What's for breakfast?'', he asked, purposefully breaking the mood.

''Me'', he whispered, trying to relight the spark that Steven had just put out.

''Nah, I'm more in the mood for eggs, me'', he laughed, leaving the bedroom. Brendan huffed a sarcastic laugh.

''Fuckin' tease'', he muttered to himself before joining Steven in the kitchen. ''So you want me to make you some eggs?''.

''I can make them if you want''.

''No, you relax'', he said, rubbing Steven's shoulders as he sat back in a chair. ''Today is about you. You've got the day off, I've got the day off...''.

''So what are ya gonna do with me today, then?'', he asked, feeling engulfed in the pleasure Brendan was giving him at the moment.

''Dinner?''.

''Yeah, but not some crappy takeaway. Something posh and upper-class''.

''Only the best for you, Steven'', he muttered sarcastically but playfully. ''What about a movie?''.

''We could rent one. That new Die Hard one is out''.

''Sounds like a plan'', he smiled. ''Now, breakfast. Omelette?''.

''I wouldn't mind a bit of scrabbled eggs on toast, eh?''.

''I can do that''. He released Steven's shoulders from his comforting grasp and began rooting through pots and pans in the cupboard under the sink. Steven stood up and rummaged through a small paper bag, and then filled a glass of water at the sink. Brendan turned around to find Steven standing behind him, holding a white pill in his palm and a glass of water to wash it down in the other. ''What's that?'', he sighed.

''Midodrine? Three times a day, remember?'', he said, pushing the items further towards him, expecting Brendan to take them. Brendan scoffed and looked away. ''For me?''.

''Oh, don't do that''.

''Do what?'', he smiled, satisfied by the fact that he was winning.

''That! The whole 'for me' thing, don't do it''. Steven's smile grew.

''Why?'', he teased, already knowing the answer.

''Because now I have to take it''.

''Yes you do. And you have to take it anyway, otherwise you'll faint again''. Brendan sighed again, and sulked as he took the pill from Steven's hand. ''There ya go'', he taunted as Brendan put the pill in his mouth. ''That's it'', he whispered, rubbing Brendan's neck as he swallowed, and it took all Brendan had not to completely spit it back up as he laughed into the glass following Steven's motions. ''Now... breakfast''.

Before Steven knew it breakfast was served and he could finally settle his rumbling stomach.

''Is it okay?'', Brendan asked, hopeful that Steven wouldn't trample all over his cooking skills. Steven nodded as he swallowed another mouthful of Brendan's scrambled eggs.

''Yeah, it's great. I didn't know you could cook''.

''I can't. Scrambled egg, creme brulee, and toast is about all I can make. Does the job, though''.

''Absolutely'', he muttered through another mouthful of food, careful not to spray Brendan with any of it. ''So how long is Mitzeee here for?''.

''A few days. She's leavin' tomorrow or the next day I think''.

''It's a shame really. With Walker out of the picture she has no reason not to stay really''.

''Well, maybe she's built a life for herself over there''.

''Suppose so. It'd be nice to get away from 'ere''.

''What d'ye mean?''.

''I mean, to get away from all the drama that's plagued this place''.

''Ah, it's not all bad. We met here''.

''Yeah'', he laughed. ''And I don't mean to bring up bad memories but it's not like it's been a smooth ride since then''.

''It was all worth it though in the end, right?''.

''Yeah'', he smiled.

''So when's Douglas back?''.

''Tomorrow''.

''Ah. So how are things between you two?''.

''Good, yeah. We get on a lot better now that the pressure of being a couple is off''.

''Good''. They sat in silence for a while, they weren't quite sure what else to talk about.

''You'll never guess who I saw lurking in the village the other day''. Brendan sat forward, intrigued.

''Who?''.

''Clare Devine''.

''Who?''.

''Y'know. She set the club on fire a couple of years ago''.

''Oh. Is that the one that nearly killed Foxy?''.

''Exactly''.

''She should have given me the job''.

''Oi!''.

''Joke. Joke.'', he laughed, raising his hands in the air, defeatedly. He should have stayed dead if you ask me''.

''Maybe then he wouldn't have been poking his nose in my business''.

''Your business?''.

''I thought he was gonna out us to everybody. That's why you kissed me in Chez Chez that night''.

''Well, yeah. That, and, I was bored''.

''Cheeky shit'', he laughed, kicking him under the table. ''So where are you taking me tonight?''.

''I was thinking that place in town where we went last year''.

''What place?''.

''The one with the steak and the fish?''.

''Jesus. No thanks, Brendan. That's just bad memories''.

''The salmon was awful, though''.

''I'll be the judge of that''.

* * *

They spent the majority of the day lying on the sofa together, enjoying each other's company. Steven cherished days like these, the ones where Brendan is open and free and does whatever he wants to do. Steven lay on top of Brendan, his head rested against his chest, for the entire movie. Not once did Brendan shift him or push him off due to the lack of air filling his lungs, because Steven already took his breath away. Eventually, Brendan turned his head away from the TV and he quietly watched Steven.

In time Steven caught on the older man watching him, and simply smiled and looked back at him. They lay in peace for what felt like forever, just staring into each other's eyes as they glistened at the sight of one another. Brendan ran his hands up Steven's legs and rubbed over the cheeks of his arse and the small of his back until they wrapped tightly around him.

''We're gonna have to move eventually'', Brendan laughed, eyes twinkling. Steven smiled.

''Says who?''.

''Says the man who has reservations booked for eight''.

''Yeah, and it's only six''.

''I need a shower, Steven. I don't wanna be all sweaty and greasy for our date''.

''Date? Is that what this is?'', he grinned.

''If you want it to be'', he teased.

''I do. I do want it to be''.

''Good''.

''I need a shower, too'', he smiled, cheekily.

''Is that right? Well how about we have one together''.

''Maybe''.

''Maybe?'', he questioned, growing frustrated at the thought.

''Yeah, well I've got loads to do, me. I have to-''. Suddenly, Steven felt Brendan's tongue shoot down his throat. It was rough and hard, and the both already had semi's in their trousers. Brendan's grip on Steven's waist tightened, grinding against Steven's growing boner. Steven moaned into Brendan's mouth as he wrapped his arms around Brendan's neck.

''About that shower'', Brendan whispered, intently and full of lust. Steven nodded and crashed his mouth against Brendan's like an on-coming car crashing into another. Brendan opened his mouth slightly, and pushed his tongue out against Steven's closed, delicious lips, and pried them open. Steven felt Brendan's tongue rub off his own like a wave crashing against the shore.

They mix of tongue, teeth and saliva had them both wanting and ready for more. Brendan sat forward, deepening the kiss, delving deeper down Steven's throat. He turned and stood up, forcing Steven to stand on his feet, but the kiss never broke. He pushed backwards into the direction of the bathroom, both of them nearly tripping over the coffee table as they went. They headed straight into the bathroom, ripping off their clothes in a state of desperation, Brendan shoving Steven into the shower.

Brendan felt the rush of hot water hit against him as he cradled Steven in his arms, kissing his neck and face. Brendan's hand suddenly began sliding down Steven's golden chest, over the patch of hair between his nipples, and down his skinny body that Brendan was aching for. He wanted to touch all of it and lick all of it all at once. He could never get enough. Steven was the drug that Brendan felt lucky to be an addict to. His hand trailed down to Steven's cock, feeling it harden in his grasp.

He swiped his fingers through his pubes, and cradled his balls in his palm, enjoying the feel of them, the size of them. His hand trailed up to the base of Steven's cock, and he rubbed from the base to the tip, all the way up the shaft. Steven's breath hitched, and he jolted forward slightly, and he let out a soft grown that was swallowed by Brendan as he leaned in for another kiss. Brendan began stroking the shaft again, the water acting as a lubricant for them. Brendan let himself get lost in the touch, the movements, the gasp coming from Steven's open mouth. His knees began buckling from the pleasure, but was still held in place by Brendan's right hand firm on his chest.

Brendan's other hand moved to Steven's, and held his hand tight, before guiding it behind Brendan and against his hole. He was ready to be penetrated, loved the feeling of Steven being inside him, craved it. Brendan needed this above all else, needed to feed his addiction. Steven's fingers teased him at first, circling his hole and playing with the ring of hairs that surrounded it, all the while Brendan's strokes were becoming increasingly violent and pleasureful to them both. Steven's fingers creeped inside him, slow yet eager.

He went in with two fingers initially, not bothered to loosen him up. He knew Brendan loved the tight feeling, the suddenness of it. They slid in deep inside him, and judging from Brendan's groans of pleasure, he knew he was hitting the sweet spot. As Steven hammered against his prostate, Brendan's grip on Steven's cock grew tighter, pumped harder, and before Steven even knew it, Brendan had him spun around and had his cock down his throat.

There was no messing with Brendan, no stalling. He took the entirety of Steven's cock down his neck in one swift suck. He was relentless in his movements, and had Steven jerking his hips to make it even rougher. He slurped down pre-come without a single thought of hesitation, wanted everything Steven had to offer him. He took pleasure in the screams echoing from Steven's open mouth. He removed Steven's cock from his mouth, and licked it from tip to base several times, each one more sloppy and wet as time went on.

He moved back to his previous position, sucking him off again, watching Steven's face the whole time as he reached orgasm, spilling into Brendan's willing mouth. He swallowed every last drop, making sure not to miss any of it. Before he could make another move, Steven had him on his feet again, and pulled him into another passionate, tongue-filled kiss.

''Fuck me'', he whispered against Brendan's mouth. ''Hard''. Brendan gave a lustful grin, before forcefully spinning Steven round to face the wall, and quickly parting his cheeks. As he moved his cock in the direction of Steven's hole, he realized it had received no attention yet, something he was planning to change immediately. He entered Steven in a single movement, catching Steven by surprise, but he wasn't complaining. He grabbed Steven's right leg by the thigh, and hoisted it up into the air, giving him the deepest possible penetration, before violently pounding in Steven.

His movements were vicious, and it's what they both wanted. Steven felt himself being pushed forward against the wall, his face crashing against it slightly, making him wince. Brendan's movements were rough and uncoordinated, too lost in the moment for rhythm. Steven's whole body was pressed against the cold, tiled wall as Brendan pounded sorely into him. Brendan couldn't control himself in moments like these. He wanted it and he wanted it now. He leaned closer to Steven's ear, and grunted his monstrous groans into his ear, being over overpowered by Steven's cries for him to go harder, so he did.

It was becoming too much, he felt himself unravel and give in to pleasure. He released himself into Steven's hole, cum dripping down onto the floor and was washed down the drain. Brendan rested himself against Steven's body, which was still pressed against the wall. He breathed his heavy, lusting groans down Steven's neck before removing himself from Steven completely. They stood there like that for an age.

* * *

Steven wiped down his shirt, the check blue one with a hint of white and black. He felt like a little school boy getting ready for his date to the dance, except this time, his dancing partner was Brendan. He observed himself in the mirror, checking his shirt once again, and making sure his hair was in a presentable state rather than before hand. He was suddenly aware Brendan was sitting on the bed behind him, watching him fret over his appearance.

''You look good''. Steven smiled and turned, and again, became aware Brendan was wearing nothing but his boxers. He was lying coaxingly, rubbing a circle into the duvet next to him, trying to see how far Steven will go. ''You look really good''. Steven's smiled widened.

''Get dressed, you'', he said, throwing a pair of jeans and the man. Brendan tutted.

''Now that you mention it, I don't really wanna go''. Steven stepped back, raising a finger in Brendan's direction in protest.

''It was your idea in the first place!''.

''I know... but...''.

''But nothing. Get dressed or we'll be late''. Brendan breathed out an exaggerated sigh.

''You're no fun''.

''I am really, though. You just get all moody when you don't get your way''.

''I always get my way''.

''What happened to me being the dominant one, eh?''.

''No, I've given it more thought, and, I guess you're just the uptight one''. Steven was on him then, slapping his arm hard.

''I am not uptight''.

''No? prove it'', he coaxed. Brendan was just about able to finish his sentence before Steven lunged forward, kissing Brendan hard. It didn't take Brendan long to respond, before his tongue was rubbing against Steven's. His tongue searched Brendan's mouth, and Brendan's searched Steven's. After a few minutes, Steven finally pulled away. Brendan's lips were swollen, red and raw, and he guessed his own were the same. He smiled at Brendan's befuddlement.

''Was that proof enough?''. Brendan panted.

''More than enough'', he gasped, looking for air, but smiling at Steven. Steven gave a wary smile back, pondering at what his boyfriend was thinking.

''What?''. Brendan shifted Steven off him and pulled open the drawer to his bedside locker, pulling out a small hinged box. Steven felt warmth pool inside him. Brendan turned back to face him, perching both hands on the box.

''Now, don't get too excited, it's not an engagement ring''. The warmth Steven felt fell flat in that second. ''But it's the next best thing...'', he said appeasingly, opening the box to two silver rings inside. They both had a small diamond indented in them, surrounded by a black symbol, and on the inside they were both engraved. 'Always and Forever', it read. ''They're forever rings'', he smiled. The warmth Steven felt moments ago began pooling deep inside him again.

''Bren...''. He was speechless, didn't know what to say. A million options came to mind, but he didn't know what to choose. ''Oh my God''. He refused to cry, that wasn't going to happen, and with great difficulty he managed to keep the tears at bay. Brendan took one of the rings out, and tugged on Steven's left hand. He separated his ring finger from all the rest, and pushed it on, turning it so the diamond and pattern was facing up for everyone to see.

''Not to say that we'll never get married, but that'll come when the time is right. When the dust settles a bit, yeah?''. Steven was still speechless. He took out the other ring from the box, and placed it on Brendan's ring finger, who watched in amazement of his own actions, that he actually worked up the courage to do this. They both sat in awe and in silence, looking at each other's baffled smiles. It was the last thing Steven would have expected. Steven then lunged forward, and wrapped his hands around Brendan, pulling him into a hug.

Brendan hugged him back, smiling in comfort. ''Thank you'', he whispered into Brendan's ear. '' I love you''.

''I love you, too''. Steven pulled away, and began peppering kisses across Brendan's face.

''Get dressed. Now we're definitely going out'', he laughed, admiring the ring on his finger, adjusting to the feel of it as he left Brendan alone on the bed. When Brendan was dressed, he emerged from the bedroom to find Steven looking in the mirror again. He was making breezy movements with his hand, fixing his collar and straightening his shirt, seeing what it looked like with the new ring on his finger. Brendan cleared his throat which made Steven jump and redden with embarrassment.

Steven turned to find Brendan leaning against the door frame and smiling at him. ''I was just-''.

''I hope you're not getting all vain with me now, Steven''.

''No, it's just proper mint, this, innit?'', he boasted, waving his hand in the air for Brendan to see, even though he had one of his own.

''So you like it, then?''. He wasn't really sure which one he'd like, Steven never wore much jewellery.

''Of course, I do. I never knew you were so romantic''.

''Hey, I can be romantic. Remember the night on the bridge?''.

''You mean the night you slept with a McQueen, and then told me to go home? How could I forget?'', he smiled.

''Because I love ye. 'Cause I can't live my life without ye'', he smiled, approaching Steven and being pulled into a kiss. When the kiss broke, they looked at each other for a moment, taking it all in. Brendan grabbed Steven's hand, entwining their fingers together. ''Now, let's go. We're running late as it is''. They didn't say much during the ride in the car, just enjoyed the ride, thinking of the last time they were here.

When the car came to a halt, Brendan got out of the car, and opened the door for Steven to get out. They weren't in line long, and before they knew it they were seated at a table, reading the menu's. Brendan took out a lighter from his pocket and lit the candle in between him. ''So, I've been meaning to ask...'', Steven smiled. Brendan lifted his head from the menu, in his almost salivating state. ''Did you really spend the night here on your own?''. Brendan's eyes shot to all different directions, anywhere but Steven's own gaze.

''Eh...'', he muttered, his face turning red.

''Oh, come on'', he laughed. ''I don't mind''.

''I do'', he wheezed, still not making eye contact.

''Why?''.

''Because he's the waiter over there'', he said, pointing slightly at the man at the other end of the room.

''You slept with our waiter?'', he unknowingly shouted. Brendan jolted forward.

''Ssshhh!'', he exclaimed. ''Let's not draw attention to ourselves, yeah?''. Steven waved a disapproving hand in Brendan's direction.

''Pfft. He probably doesn't even remember you''. Brendan suddenly flinched and bowed his head behind a menu. ''What are you getting all freaked out for?''.

''He's coming over''. Steven gave a little laugh. ''Order for me''. The waiter gave a false smile at Steven, the same one he plasters onto his face for every other customer.

''Hello, sir. What are you having tonight?'', he muttered patientlessly as he whipped out his notepad and pen from his back pocket. He seemed like he was having a rotten day.

''I'll have the fish'', he smiled. ''And the same goes for him'', he joked, and he got a kick from under the table from the man in disguise as a menu. Brendan slowly moved his head upward from behind the menu. He was scowling at both of them, not one bit impressed by Steven, who smiling devilishly.

''I'll have the steak actually'', he winced, definitely caught out now.

''Okay... that great'', he smiled, before taking the menu's from them both and trotting off to the kitchen.

''What was that?'', he asked, not one bit happy.

''Just a little joke'', he smiled, suddenly worried that it was a bit too far. ''He doesn't remember ya anyway''.

''What are ye tryin' to say, Steven? Am I that bad in bed?''.

''No, you're amazing in bed'', he winked.

''Speaking of beds, I've booked a room for us tonight, that _you'll_ be sleepin' in this time''.

''Ooh, we haven't had a night away since Dublin''.

''Speakin' of Dublin-''.

''Stop sayin' that''. Brendan laughed.

''Speaking of Dublin...'', he said carefully. ''Eileen's getting married again, and I've been invited''.

''Okay''.

''And you're coming with me''.

''What? No''.

''Why? You can be my plus one''.

''Yeah, and you can stick it. I don't wanna be the one to cause problems at the wedding''.

''Who said you'd be causing problems? If anybody's gonna start causing problems with you, they'll have me to deal with, okay. I want ye there with me''.

''I don't know...''.

''Ah, come on, you'll get to meet Padraig, and you'll see Declan again. _Please?_''. Steven sighed.

''Yeah, fine''. A huge smile filled Brendan's face.

''Grand! I'll let her know tomorrow. I want to be at that wedding as much as you do, but it's a chance to see my boys. We can make a weekend out of it''.

''Sounds good'', he smiled. ''Speaking of marriage-''.

''Stop saying that'', he smiled.

''I'm gonna ask Doug for a divorce''.

''Do you think that's a good idea?''.

''What d'ya mean?''.

''His father's just died, Steven''.

''Yeah, I know, Brendan, but he knows it's coming. Plus, he's well hung for that McQueen anyways''.

''I know but still. It's a sensitive time for him''.

''By the way you're talkin', it's like ya don't wanna marry me at all''.

''We will. One day. In a couple of years maybe''.

''Why not now?''.

''Well we're only just getting started, aren't we?''.

''Yeah'', he smiled. ''I'm gonna ask Amy if you can see the kids the next time she brings them down''.

''Really?''.

''Yeah, well, so long as you wanna see them''.

''I do. I do want to see them''.

''Good. Then I'll sort summit out with her. She can't keep them from ye forever''. Their conversation was suddenly interrupted by the waiter putting their meals on the table. ''Thank you'', Steven smiled at him. Brendan made no eye contact with him and just stared down at his stake, waiting for him to leave.

''Enjoy, Brendan'', he smiled, as he walked away, and blood started pooling in Brendan's cheeks as Steven started laughing. They sat in silence for a while after that, until Steven couldn't take it anymore.

''Do we need to go home?''. Brendan shot him a look of confusion as he broke eye contact with his plate.

''What?'', he uttered, choking down a lump of steak.

''To get our stuff for tonight''.

''Oh, no. I packed it all. It's in the boot of my car''. Steven gave a satisfied hum of approval and went back to his own dinner. ''How's your fish?''.

''It's alright''. He couldn't believe that even after all this time, Brendan was right about the flaky fish.

''Just alright?'', he teased, knowing full well that he was right.

''Yeah, okay fine. You were right''. A ginormous grin spread across Brendan's face. Even now, Steven still couldn't admit defeat, especially with 'Dickhead Brendan' from a year ago.

''Told ya'', he laughed, taking a swig of his wine to hide his growing smile at Steven's frustration.

* * *

''Come on, chop chop'', he grinned. He had Brendan carrying all of their bags from the car, revenge for the whole fish ordeal.

''Do I look like a pack mule, Steven?'', he muttered. Steven tilted his head.

''Do you really want me to answer that?'', he joked.

''That's funny. At least I don't laugh like one''. Steven released a gasp and shoved the man against the wall.

''Shut up, you love it''.

''If ye say so'', he smiled, leaning in for a kiss. Steven leaned closer, breaking the connection with a light tap against Brendan's face with his hand, before walking away.

''Get a move on'', he laughed.

''Fucking tease'', Brendan muttered under his breath. Steven waited impatiently for a huffing Brendan to arrive at the door to open it. Brendan walked in first, practically throwing the bags on the floor.

''That's dead romantic, that'', he muttered flatly, sarcastically. He walked further into the room, it was lit by candles, which were scattered across the room. There were flower petals spread across the duvet. ''Bren?''. He turned to Brendan, who had a huge smug smile on his face.

''I told ye. I'm treatin' ye right'', he smiled, pressing Steven against the wall and leaning closely against him.

''I could get used to this''.

''Don't. I don't wanna have to look after ye everyday''.

''Shut up'', he smiled, leaning in for a kiss, granting Brendan the pleasure this time. Before he knew it he was being pushed against the bed.

''I wanna make love to you'', he whispered into Steven's ear. Steven suddenly jolted back, a coy smile on his face.

''Did you just say 'make love'?'', he smiled.

''Yeah, I did. Problem?''. Steven answered him with a kiss, unbuttoning his shirt buttons painfully slow for Brendan's taste, who just ripped the shirt open, sending buttons flying around the room.

**Sorry for the lack of story, don't forget to leave a review as it encourages me to make more :)**


	8. Chapter 8: Two For Today

**Thanks for all the reviews, follows and favorites. Sorry about the wait and it's shorter than usual, but this chapter was torturous for me to write. Let the angst continue!**

Brendan straddled Steven's waist, his hole getting a severe pounding from Steven's cock. He combed his fingers through Steven's hair, forming a shape that made Steven look like he had just been struck by lightning. This was partly true, the electricity radiating from both men was intense. They reacted perfectly to each other's movements, every touch of skin leading to something so much more. The chemistry between them was immense, so complete that nothing could knock them back.

Brendan pushed himself up and down on Steven's hard, aching cock, each thrust full of pleasure and delight. Steven gave light thrusts, couldn't do much else while sitting under the weight of Brendan on top of him, but that was about to change. Steven leaned forward, forcing Brendan to lie with his back on the bed. He lay over him, keeping himself above Brendan with his hands, and pushed Brendan's legs over his shoulders. He placed both his hands on Brendan's waist, before moving one of them to Brendan's throbbing, untouched dick, and began stroking it up and down violently and began fucking his hole again, harder than before.

Brendan was coming apart in his hands, screams of pleasure getting louder, Steven's movements increasing in speed. He was like putty in Steven's palm. Steven could fell the pressure building, knew it was only a matter of time before it was all over, but he didn't want it to end, but didn't want to stop either, so his movements became much more fierce. Brendan's breath hitched, his heart rate rose, and suddenly he felt light headed. He was sweating buckets. He pushed Steven off him, climbing up from the bed and grabbing the complementary dressing gown from the wardrobe.

''Brendan, what's... what's wrong?'', Steven asked, standing up on the bed putting himself on display before grabbing his boxers off the floor as he rushed to Brendan's side. Brendan pushed Steven's hand off his shoulder, standing over by the chest of drawers and heaving his weight on his hands which were holding him against it.

''It's happening again'', he muttered.

''Oh, God'', he said, scrambling through his jeans for his phone, quickly unlocking it and dialing a number. Brendan turned his head and was suddenly aware of what Steven was doing.

''You're not calling them!'', he shouted, lunging for the phone in Steven's hand and putting it in his pocket.

''What are ya doing?!'', he shouted. ''We need to get ya help!''. Steven dived for Brendan's phone which was lying on the chest of drawers, but it wasn't long before Brendan snatched it out of his hands and smashed it against the wall.

''I need to do this on my own! I need to learn how to control it!'', he cried, sitting on the bed and trying to control his breathing.

''Now's not the time to be proud, Brendan! Give me the phone, right now!''.

''No, I can do this. Come here''. Steven did as he was told, and worriedly sat down next him. Brendan cupped both of his cheeks, and pressed both their foreheads together, and began taking deep breaths. ''Breathe with me'', he gasped. Steven relaxed himself then, cupping Brendan's face in his hands and breathing in sync with Brendan. ''See?'', he gasped. ''I can do this, I can control this. As long as you're here by my side I can do this. It's all down to you''. Steven nodded his head slightly, on the verge of tears.

''You can't'', he whimpered. ''You can't. Brendan, please, you need to get help. You're in trouble''. Brendan was still breathing deeply, eyes closed and now he was nodding his head.

''I can. You need to help me. I can''. A tear slipped down Steven's cheek, and Brendan brushed it away with his thumb.

''You're putting yourself in more harm than good'', he whispered. ''You need to go back to that doctor and tell him the medication isn't working''.

''No''.

''Please, Brendan. Do it for me''. Brendan winced.

''Ah, I'm doing _this_ for you. I'm controlling it for _you_. I'm controlling it _because_ of you''. He took one last deep breath before releasing Steven from his grasp, but Steven didn't let go of his face. He moved his arms and legs and gave them a shake, before smiling at Steven. ''See?''. Steven released Brendan and gave him a disgruntled look of unappeasement.

''See, what? All I can see is you, Brendan. Thinking you're in control as usual. Think that if you can do something once then you can do it again. What if this is just a warning? What if there's worse to come? Worse circumstances that _you_ can't handle next time, eh?''. Brendan scoffed and waved his hand dismissively as he stood.

''You're over-exaggerating, Steven. I'm gonna be fine''. Steven stood then, anger rising in him.

''No you're not! This is gonna happen again when you least expect it''. He approached Brendan and held him in his arms. ''Please, Brendan. I don't wanna lose you''.

''You're not gonna lose me'', he laughed. ''You'll never lose me. Especially over a couple of faints now and then''.

''But it's not just a couple of faints, though, is it? There's something causing this, something more than just standing up for too long, isn't there?''. Brendan looked visibly uncomfortable.

''I don't know what you're talking about''.

''Yeah, you do. And the sooner you tell me the better. I'll be ready when you are'', he muttered, before releasing Brendan and climbing back into the bed, discarding the shards of his phone off the floor. ''You need a new phone''. Brendan climbed in next to him, and nodded his head in agreement.

''Yeah, I'll pick one up tomorrow or the next day''. Steven didn't give him a response, just turned around in the opposite direction and lay there facing the wall. Brendan took that as a sign to back off, so he just lay there watching the back of Steven's head until sleep over came him. He was awake a while later, and then another short while later he was awake again. This process continued all night, and he hardly got a wink of sleep at all. Finally, at about half past seven, he fell into it again.

Brendan woke up to Steven standing across the room, getting dressed. ''Morning'', he smiled, stretching and yawning. Steven simply tutted and shook his head, an angry look on his face. ''What?'', Brendan choked. Steven muttered a syllable, before stopping himself from speaking, and walked closer towards Brendan in the bed.

''You know what, Brendan?'', he shouted, pointing his finger at Brendan. ''You really upset me last night''.

''Ah, Steven'', he tutted.

''I don't want to hear, right? You need to get this sorted, now. Because next time you might not be so lucky as to be lying in a bed when it happens. You could be driving, or walking down a flight of stairs! Next time you could die. And what would I do then?''. He turned around and grabbed his coat and made his way to the door.

''Where are ye going?'', he called.

''To get breakfast'', he said, slamming the door behind him and making his way down the hall. When he left, Brendan sighed and rubbed his face, before getting into the shower. When he was dried, dressed and ready, there was still no sign of Steven. He stood watching the door expecting Steven any moment now. Steven sat in the restaurant, chatting to Doug on his phone.

''I'll be at the airport at about two''.

''Great. I'll be there to pick you up''.

''Oh, you don't have to. I can call a cab''.

''No, I want to''.

''Well if you're sure''.

''I am, Doug. Stop frettin' over it. How are you, anyway?''.

''I'm okay, I think. As much as you prepare for a time like this you can never really be ready for it, can you?''.

''No. I'm sorry, Doug, but I have to go. I have to get back to Brendan''.

''Alright, I'll see ya in a couple of hours''.

''Bye''. He gulped down the rest of his coffee, before making a break for the room. When he entered, Brendan was standing there staring at the door expectantly, obviously waiting for his return. ''Alright?''.

''Yeah. You?''.

''Yeah'', he sighed. Brendan approached Steven.

''Steven listen, you're right. I'm sorry about last night, I didn't mean to scare ye like that. All of this is new to me, too''.

''I'm sorry, too''.

''For what?''.

''Brendan, I've been horrible to ya over the past month. I just didn't understand what was happening before you went to hospital. I thought you were just pushing me away, so I bit back. When ya hit me back in March, my whole world came crashin' down around me, and I resented ya for it. I didn't think you could ever hurt me like that again. But you need me now more than ever, and I need you, too''. Brendan darted forward and grabbed Steven, planting a small kiss on his lips.

''Let's go home, Steven'', he smiled.

* * *

Brendan pulled up outside the deli. ''Have you eaten anything, yet?'', Steven asked.

''No''.

''Come by the deli at around one, and I'll make you something to eat''.

''Okay. See ye in a while'', he smiled, leaning in for a kiss. The kiss deepened and Steven tried to pull away, until he felt Brendan's fist wrap around his collar and pull him closer. The kiss broke and a frazzled Steven emerged from the car, a bit dazed by what just happened. Brendan parked the car in the courtyard of Chez Chez, and when he entered he was met by Anne sitting at the bar reading the newspaper.

''Oi! You're late. Work started an hour and a half ago. Where were ya anyway?'', she smiled.

''Something came up'', he muttered, sitting on the stool next to her.

''Something, or someone?'', she teased, a cheeky smile on her face. Brendan sighed, looking obviously uncomfortable. ''Relax, I'm joking. Don't start getting all moody on me last day''. Brendan tilted his head up to look at her.

''You're leaving today?''.

''Yep, my flight's at three''. Brendan was oddly saddened to be losing her again.

''But you'll be back, though, right?''.

''Of course. I can't be having you missing me too much. Next time I'll be back I'll be skinny, and I'll have a baby. Imagine!'', she squealed, pinching his cheeks playfully. As she spoke a thought came to his mind, something that he just realized he hadn't asked her yet, but maybe it was too early to ask, but fuck it.

''So what are you gonna call him?''.

''Um...''. He raised his eyebrows at her and smiled. Since when was she so shy about her plans? After all, they had nothing to hide from each other.

''Ah, come on Anne. Tell me, I won't judge ye''.

''Okay, but don't laugh. I was thinking of... Phoenix''. It was a peculiar name, he knew that, but it was a name that suited any child of Anne... or Mitzeee.

''Phoenix'', he repeated. Wanted to sense the feel of it on his tongue, the roll of it.

''I know it's a bit out there but-''.

''No, I like it. It's very you''. That made her smile, she looked like a weight had been lifted right off her. It was the first time she had said the name out loud, and she was relieved by it. Maybe this was motherhood kicking in, she was never one to shy away into the crowd.

''There ya go. I think so anyway'', she beamed.

''So when are ye comin' back?''.

''Christmas probably'', she said breezily.

''Christmas? Seriously?''.

''Well you know where I am if you wanna come and visit''. Brendan raised his eyebrows again.

''No thanks. Having to deal with one American is enough for me''.

''Jealous much?'', she scoffed.

''Excuse me?''.

''Come on. I see the way you look at them when they're alone together. You can almost see the steam billowing from your ears''. Brendan knew what she was talking about. He hated the fact that Doug could just walk back into Steven's life like that. That they can act like nothings ever happened. The fact is, Steven belongs to him now, and he belongs to Steven, and nobody, especially Doug, is getting in the way.

''Am I crazy?''.

''No. You're normal'', she said comfortingly, rubbing his back gently. _Normal_. Since when is Brendan Brady normal. ''Anyway, I'd best be off. I've got a tonne of packing to do and my flight's in a couple of hours. See ya'', she smiled._  
_

''I'll talk to ye. Drop in before ye go''.

''Will do''. As she left, he sat down on the sofa, and tipped his head back and closed his eyes, releasing a sigh. After a while he got bored, so stood up, far too quickly, and grabbed Anne's newspaper on the bar. He stood up so quickly, he got a little head rush. White spots filled his vision, and he tipped over slightly from the dizziness as blood rushed straight to his head. He stood at the bar, reading the newspaper quietly, soon becoming distracted by a buzz travelling around the room. A fly.

It was irritating him, the sound of it echoing through his ears. He didn't know he was so fussy. The fly landed on his newspaper, and he stilled, didn't want to disturb him. He released the newspaper from the grasp of one of his hands, slowly edging it higher in the air, ready to strike. He smashed his hands against the bar, his palm almost tearing through the newspaper. ''Gotcha!''. He lifted it up, a sly grin on his face, which soon faded when he realized that there was no dead fly.

Suddenly, his neck felt all tingly, like something was crawling on him. He let out a little laugh, grinning devilishly. After an almighty whack to his neck, the fly landed on the bar, motionless. Brendan grinned. He suddenly felt cold, so he turned up the heat a little bit. He sat back down, back to his thoughts. His head self-consciously went to Steven, and what they were doing last night. He felt himself harden, so he poured himself another glass of whiskey, a helping larger than he would normally drink. He stood up, rather quickly, and a group of white spots filled his vision, and he felt dizzy, yet again.

He headed for the office, and began rummaging through files under the desk. He heard noises from outside, and a mumble, and then suddenly the door was closed. He sat up, hitting his head against the table, and sighed in pain. He stood up and pressed the handle down, but it was locked.

''Oh, shit. Shit. Shit. Shit!'', he screamed, patting himself down in search of his phone, only now realizing that he had broken it last night. ''Shit!''. He nudged the door, and realized he had less energy than he thought. He hadn't eaten since last night and he had gotten hardly any sleep.

* * *

''Hello?'', he said, greeting Doug after accepting his phone call. He was in the deli, making the sandwich he had promised Brendan.

''Hey, I'll be arriving in half an hour. I just thought I'd remind you''.

''Half an hour? Doug, I must have got the times mixed up, I'm not ready!'', he said, grabbing the keys to the van and heading out the door, abandoning the sandwich completely.

''Well, get a move on, I don't wanna be stuck there waiting. I just wanna get back to normal again, or whatever passes for normal around here''.

''Right, I'll see ya there'', he smiled, getting into the van. ''I have to go, I can't talk while I'm driving''.

''Alright, bye''.

''See ya in a bit''.

When they returned, Doug went into the deli, and Ste headed to see Brendan, but he only got out into the courtyard before the door burst open. Mitzeee and Brendan emerged, and Brendan seemed short for breath. He was sweating, and his face was red, and he he was taking in deep gasps for air.

''What's happened?'', he asked, grabbing hold of Brendan's arm.

''He's had another one of his episodes'', she muttered. ''You're gonna need to bring him to hospital, Ste. I need to pack''.

''Yeah, right. Come on''.

* * *

''Okay. So talk me through what happened'', he sighed. Brendan was losing the little patience he had, he didn't want to be here in the first place.

''Like I said before, Doctor, it happened again''.

''Explain to me what happened''. Brendan opened his mouth angrily, but bit his tongue, and swallowed. He forced an appeasing smile at the doctor sitting on the opposite side of the desk.

''I was in the club, and I was fine. Then I walked into the office, and then, I was on the floor''.

''You say you were fine''. Brendan looked at Steven, silently cursing him for making him go to this thing.

''Yes. I was perfectly fine'', he fidgeted, tapping his foot and playing with the zip of his coat.

''Okay. So, you weren't dehydrated in any way?''.

''No, I was drinking whis-''. He stopped himself then, and sighed into his hand.

''Hmm. You weren't suffering from a lack of sleep''. Brendan looked at Steven, who nodded disapprovingly. ''I'll take that as a 'yes' ,then. You were on a full stomach?''. Brendan sighed again.

''No''.

''Right. And did you apply pressure to your throat in any way?''.

''Yes. I hit a... a fly''.

''Were you aroused?''.

''Yes'', he sighed, looking a Steven, a hint of a smirk on his face. Steven didn't find it funny at all.

''Prolonged standing?''.

''Yes''.

''Exposed to high temperatures?''.

''Yes'', he sighed, he knew he was in deep shit.

''What about pills?''.

''Three times a day, like you prescribed, Doc''.

''Good. Mister Brady, you are showing seven of the ten main causes for this happening. This tells me that you are unfit to take care of yourself''.

''Look, this was a one off. I'm just not used to all this, all the things I can and can't do now. It's too much to take in all at once''.

''Mister Brady, are you suffering from any sort of stress?''. Steven looked at Brendan expectantly, but when Brendan said 'No' he instantly deflated, and it wasn't the answer he was waiting for.

''No, no I'm not. Like I said before, I'm fine''.

''You need to more aware of your condition. You're getting forgetful about what circumstance can cause another incident''.

''Yeah, I'll look into that'', he muttered.

''Mister Brady, why do you have to make this more difficult for yourself?''. He opens his drawer, and takes out a pamphlet and hands it to Steven. ''I'm assuming that he'll be in your care?''.

''Yeah. At all times''. Brendan turned to look at him, and raises a confused eyebrow at him.

''Good. This pamphlet will tell you everything that will set him off''.

''Right, thank you''.

''Great. Let's go'', he muttered, standing up and pulling Steven by the shirt. He rolled his eyes, standing up and nodding at the doctor.

''You're not the only one in danger Mister Brady. You're putting everyone at risk. Take your condition more seriously. Please''. Brendan kept walking, only giving a 'hum' in response. Quite frankly, he was sick of everyone telling him how to live his life, what he can and can't do. He's had enough.

* * *

Brendan stood next to the counter, had been since they got home. Steven was sitting at the table, flicking through the deli accounts while sipping from his cup of coffee. He took the cup to his face and swallowed down the last mouthful and stood. He went to the kitchen, noticing Brendan's disgruntled expression. ''Are ya hungry?''.

''No, I'm fine. I can look after myself'', he sighed.

''Alright, fine'', he said defensively. ''Maybe you should sit down for a while. Brendan tutted.

''I don't need to sit down, Steven. I don't need you to mother me either, I need you to back off''.

''What's wrong with you?''.

''I'm sick of everyone telling me how to live my life!'', he bellowed, throwing the leaflet to the ground, Steven's face turning to a picture of horror.

''What are ya talkin' about?''.

''I'm fine! I'm fine! I don't need some doctor telling me how to live my life, and I don't need you watching over me 24/7 either''. Brendan attempted to leave the apartment, grabbng his keys and coat from the rack, heading for the door.

''You're not fine!''. Brendan stopped, his hand raised towards the door handle stilled.

''What?'', he asked, a deranged look on his face, re-entering the kitchen.

''What, do ya think I'm stupid, Brendan? Do ya think I can't see it?''.

''See what?''.

''See the fact that you can't let her go. The fact that you think you're to blame for what happened to Cheryl''.

''You don't know what you're on about''.

''Yeah, I do. You said her name the other week. Just before you went to hospital, you said her name. It was like you were having two separate conversations that day''.

''You don't know anything''.

''That's because you won't talk to me! You keep everything bottled up instead of just telling me how you're feeling, and then it all comes out in a big episode later on''.

''Yeah, whatever you say, Steven''.

''Tell me I'm wrong, then''. Brendan dipped his head, and rubbed his forehead. ''Exactly. Why don't you just go see her, clear the air between you two. Hear it for yourself that she doesn't blame you''.

''I tried'', he muttered, still looking down at the floor.

''Then go see a counselor''.

''No''.

''Why''.

''Because there's nothing wrong with me, Steven''.

''Yes there is! You keep saying that you're fine when you're not! The most common symptom of your condition is stress, and that's exactly what you are, Brendan, stressed''.

''I'm not going to a counselor, Steven''.

''Can you not just try it?''.

''No''.

''Not even for me?''. Brendan looked at him, and turned around, heading for the door. ''That's right, Brendan. You just run away from all of your problems as usual!'', he shouted, followed by a thud.

Brendan stormed around the corner. How can he even attempt to get away with that shit? How the fuck could he even ask that? Go to counseling for him? His thoughts were cut short by a thought in his head that didn't belong there. A voice that didn't belong there. 'Why do you do this? Why do you have to ruin everything you touch?', the voice said. It was Cheryl.

'Why are you such a failure? Why can't you do one thing right?'.

''Shut up!'', he called. Taking a firm grasp of his head, pulling his hair and then covering his ears.

'You had to keep one person happy, and you can't even do that?'. Brendan picked up a rock from the side of the road, and raised it.

''Shut up!'', he screamed, before smacking it against his own head. The surge he got from it, it was amazing. He felt relief pour from him, flooding him. The release it gave him, it was unmatched. He had never felt anything like it before. The pain, it was searing, and the energy, it was unknown to him. It was the best feeling he's had in weeks, so much so, that he gave himself another release. He drew his hand back again, and gave his head an almighty wallop, hitting his temple and sending a surge of pain through his body.

He found himself walking, towards the village. He checked his phone, and realized he had a few missed calls from Anne. He found himself outside her door, and pressing the buzzer to her flat. He felt dizzy, like a wave of haziness had crashed against him. The door opened and Anne was there, smiling at him.

''I thought you'd never get here'', she smiled, beaming. She turned and headed up the stairs, and Brendan just stood at the bottom watching her. His mind went blank then, only hearing a shriek, and then the sound of someone falling. When he snapped back to reality, Anne was lying at the bottom of the stairs, watching him with a face full of pain and worry. She held her bump, cringing in pain, having just tumbled down the stairs.

''I think the baby's coming!''.

**Don't forget to leave a review and let me know what you think!**


	9. Chapter 9: Happy Birthday

**Sorry about the wait, I've had some 'technical difficulties' recently (Six weeks). It's also because I'm planning and writing two new fics. This one was hard to write but I hope you enjoy it!**

Brendan snapped into action, rushing to her side as she lay as a helpless mess at the bottom of the stairs. The heel from one of her high heels lay on the step above her head and Brendan presumed that was the cause of her fall. He grabbed her hand and gripped it tightly in his, as she gasped in pain and a disgrutled expression overcame her face.

''Oh, God. Anne, are you okay?''.

''No'', she gasped. ''No, I think the baby's coming''.

''Okay'', he panted, taking deep breathes in sync with her's.

''No. No it is not okay. I'm only seven and a half months'', she cried. ''I can't lose him. I can't lose the last part of Riley I have left'', she sobbed. Brendan pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, and cupped her cheek, looking deeply into her eyes.

''Hey, you're not gonna lose him. Everything's gonna be fine''.

''I- ah!'', she cried. ''Call an ambulance!''.

''Right'', he muttered, patting his clothes down, before stopping himself, his face turning to a picture of regret, suddenly realizing he smashed his phone against a wall last night.

''What?''.

''I don't have my phone. Where's Maxine?''.

''She went out to see Patrick. She should be back any minute now''. She screamed again, making Brendan jump and edge closer to her. She squeezed his jacket, and he rubbed her arm comfortingly.

''I'm gonna go get the phone from upstairs, yeah?''.

''No! Don't leave me''. Tears were rolling down her face.

''Anne, I have to. You need to get to hospital right now''. She nodded, taking prolonged deep breaths. Beads of sweat were pooling at her forehead, and her hair was frazzled. Brendan stood, and quickly opened the door, to find Cindy about to enter Price Slice.

''Cindy!''. She turned and looked at him. This is probably the first time they've ever spoken, she didn't remember, and she wondered what _he'd _want from her. She flicked her hair back and smiled half-politely_, _and raised her eyebrows in acknowledgement. ''Cindy, I need your help. You need to phone an ambulance''. Her smile faded.

''For who?''.

''Anne. I mean, Mitzeee. She fell down the stairs and now she's gone into premature labour. You need to call for help''. She nodded and took a few steps away, reaching into her purse.

''Brendan!'', Anne called. Brendan ran back to her and sat in front of her. She was crying more heavily now, and her mascara was running half-way down her cheeks. ''It wasn't supposed to happen like this!'', she cried. ''Everything was supposed to be fine. This village has it out for me''.

''Everything's going to be fine'', he said, comfortingly. ''Just fine''. Cindy bobbed her head n the door.

''The ambulance is on it's way, babe. I'll be out here if you need me''.

''Thank you'', Brendan smiled, before being interrupted again by Anne's screams.

''I think it's time''.

''What?''.

''It's time''. Brendan sat back, raising his hands up defensively.

''No. Anne, I can't do this. You're going to have to wait''.

''I can't'', she sobbed. Brendan took a deep breath, and closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, Anne was looking into them intently. She needs him to do this. He pulled himself together and grabbed hold of her knees, and spread her legs.

''Anne, we're gonna have to...um... remove some things''. She nodded, and she done the deed.

''Okay, deep breaths, yeah? Deep breaths. On the count of three. One. Two. Three. Push''. Anne tensed, and clenched her teeth together, releasing tight groans of pain and desperation out her mouth. She stopped, and gasped for breath. Brendan breathed with her, until he felt light headed himself, tipping over and leaning all of his weight against the wall.

''No, no. You are not fainting on me, okay?''.

''I- I-''. Brendan felt an almighty whack against his face, and suddenly he felt like he had a bit more energy. ''I needed that''.

''Good. Again''.

''One. Two. Three''. Anne began pushing again, and they done this a few more times until something happened.

''What?''. Brendan was staring down there in pure awe and amazement. ''What?''.

''There's a head'', he smiled, looking up at Anne's relieved face. ''Okay, come on. Again''. The head began getting bigger, showing ears, eyes and a nose. Then arms, legs and then feet. And then it was over. Anne sighed in relief, and the sound of sirens filled their ears. Cindy came in a crouched next to her.

''The ambulance is here babe''. The baby was so small, Brendan thought it would be bigger at nearly eight months, but apparently not. He cradled Phoenix in his arms, spinning lightly as it tossed and turned so mildly that he could barely feel it at all. Anne was still in tears watching them, until the medic came and took him from his arms. He felt a sudden loss after he lost contact with the kid. He knew right then that he was gonna spoil the shit outta that boy. They carried Anne out and put her on a gurney.

There was an echo of high-heels hitting the ground billowing from the alley, and Maxine emerged, almost running and trying not to fall at the same time. Brendan stood watching her as she ran to Anne's side. ''Oh my God, Anne. The baby!'', she shouted, suddenly noticing the missing bump that wasn't attached to her belly anymore.

''Come with me'', she pleaded, before being loaded into the ambulance. Maxine hopped in next to her, and held her hand, and then the door closed, and then they were gone. Brendan turned, closed Maxine's front door, and turned back to find Steven walking towards the deli. He quickly began walking towards him.

''Oi!'', he called. It caught Steven's attention, and he turned to look at Brendan approaching him. ''Hey, Anne's had her baby''.

''What? When?''.

''About a minute and a half ago''.

''Were you there?''.

''Yeah, eh, I delivered it''.

''What?''.

''I'm headin' to the hospital now, if you wanna come with me''.

''You delivered a baby?''.

''Ye comin' or not?''.

''Yeah, yeah. Course''. He opened the deli door and called to Doug. ''I'm goin' to the hospital with Brendan. See ya later''. Before Doug was even able to comprehend what he just heard, Steven was across the road getting into the car with Brendan, and they sped off. Steven didn't like just pushing their arguments under the carpet, but Brendan looked too shaken up to even mention counselling to him, so he'll leave it, for now.

* * *

Brendan sat in the waiting area of the hospital, cross-legged and arms folded. Steven sat down next to him, and their arms rubbed together. It felt good to have Steven this close to him, it reminded him of what he had, and what he had to lose. Steven handed him a coffee-to-go from the cafeteria, and looked at him. Brendan looked back intently, staring into his eyes. ''I'm sorry'', Steven whispered.

''I'm the one that should be sorry, I shouldn't have been so stubborn''.

''Look, I'm not gonna force ya to do something that you don't wanna do, okay? I just want what's best for ya''.

''I know''.

''I just think it would be a good idea, ya know? It might help to just get things out in the open, if not to me, then to someone who can''. Brendan sighed, and rubbed his forehead, he couldn't believe he was about to say this.

''Okay''.

''Okay?''.

''Okay''.

''Really?''.

''Really. Now stop asking before I change my mind''.

''What's changed?''.

''I have. I realized that every time I push people away, bad things happen. Today, me and Anne, we delivered a baby. Even though it was hard, it had to be done. She had to push because she might be in pain now, but what comes after makes it all worth it. I guess what I'm trying to say is that, we can push past this, together. We'll get through this, because once we do, we can be happy again. I'm tired of fightin', and being angry''.

''Me too''. Brendan smiled at him.

''Good. Then I'm hereby announcing that there will be no more fights, arguments or disagreements between us''.

''Yeah, we'll see how long that lasts'', he smiled, leaning in for a kiss. They pressed their lips together, but no tongue. They didn't think it was the right place nor the right time for anything like that. When the kiss broke, Brendan spotted Maxine walking down the hall towards them.

''There's Maxine. I should go and talk to her''.

''I should get back to Doug, anyway. I can't be leaving him there by himself on his first day back''.

''Why is he working on his first day back? Some boss you are''.

''He wanted to work, and I'm not his boss. Get your facts straight''.

''Sorry, Boss''.

''That's more like it'', he grinned, leaning in for another kiss. ''See ya later'', he beamed, happy as could be.

''Count on it''. Steven looked back, smiling, and Brendan shot him a wink, and then he left. Brendan stood up to greet Maxine, hugging her before releasing her and motioning for her to sit down in the seat previously vacated by Steven.

''How is she?''.

''She's tired, and she wants to see him''.

''Have you seen him?''.

''Yeah, it was awful. He's hooked up to all these wires, and they're keeping in this box'', she sighed.

''Is he gonna be okay?''.

''Eventually. She had him two months early for Christ's sake! He's gonna need to stay here for a while''.

''So Anne's gonna need to stay here for a while''.

''Well, Anne can leave in a couple of days, and she can see him anytime she likes then, but she can't be going too far''.

''Has she said anything about America?''.

''No, but I doubt she'll be going back over there for another few months at least''. He'd be happy that she was staying if it wasn't because of the situation they were in. But even then, he was happy to see that she wasn't going anywhere yet.

''Do you need me to make a run back to the village for her?''.

''No I'm gonna head back now''.

''Let me drive ye'', he said, standing up and attempting to lead her away, but she was having none of it, and she waved a dismissive hand at him and redirected him back to his seat.

''Oh, no. I'll call a cab''.

''Don't be silly. I'll drop ye off''.

''You should stay here, keep her company''.

''I can see her then?''.

''Yeah, you can go now if you want. I'll be back in an hour or so''.

''Alright, see ye''. She began walking, but stopped and looked back at him.

''And Brendan?''. Brendan looked up at her, raising his eyebrows and tilting his head slightly. ''Thank you, for what you done today''.

''It was nothing''.

''No, you were amazing. Thanks'', she smiled, as she turned and disappeared down the hall. Brendan sighed, and swallowed down the rest if his coffee as he walked down towards Anne's room. He was reluctant, he didn't know why, but the was a hint of nervousness in the pit of his stomach. He didn't know what he was gonna say, what he was gonna do. How can he comfort someone who might lose their own child. He could imagine her pain, he's been there before, multiple times. He sucked in another breath, and entered.

She has her own private room, he was thankful for that. She was lying in the bed at the end of the room sobbing into a tissue. He hated hospitals, could never bare them. He didn't like the atmosphere of the place, and the room stank with that typical hospital smell that Brendan couldn't stand. Everything was so clean and sterilized. Her room matched every other room in a hospital, the curtains around the bed, flowers on the table next to her. She was even wearing that awful hospital robe.

''Hey'', he smiled. Walking up to her and holding her hand. She smiled back, using her free hand to wipe her eyes with the piece of tissue.

''Sorry'', she sniffled. ''Baby blues'', she laughed.

''It's normal''.

''Normal? Nothing about this is normal. This was supposed to be the one thing that's meant to go right in my life. I was supposed to go home, have the baby, and then live the rest of my life happy. But I couldn't even have that''.

''Hey, don't say that. Everything is gonna work out for the best''.

''Yeah, right. My baby is lying in a box and breathing through a tube. Don't say that everything's gonna be fine, right, because you don't know. You don't know what I'm going through''.

''Yeah, I do. You know my boys, Declan and Paddy. Well, before Deccy was born Eileen gave birth to a stillborn baby girl''. A tear rolled down Anne's face, that was the last thing she was expecting him to say. ''Katie. Her name was Katie''.

''I'm sorry''.

''Don't be. Just know that I'm here for you, no matter what''.

* * *

Brendan opened the front door to hear Steven rummaging through the kitchen, as per usual. He closed the door with a thud, causing the rustling to suddenly cease. Steven popped his head around the wall from the kitchen, a grin spreading across his face when he saw the man enter. ''Alright?''. Brendan joined him in the kitchen and leaned against one of the cupboards as he went back to searching through the presses again.

''What are you doing here?''. Steven stopped what he was doing and shot Brendan a wry smile.

''Well 'Hello' to you, too'', he said dryly.

''It's just that I thought you were gonna be at work''. Steven stopped again, giving him the death stare, this time not smiling.

''Why are you so bothered?''.

''Well, I was gonna bring my new bloke over while you were out'', he explained innocently. Steven's smile widened again, relief flooding over him. He approached Brendan.

''There better not be any other bloke'', he smiled, poking Brendan in the chest playfully, before rummaging through the presses again.

''No need to worry'', he muttered, rooting through the fridge in a similar fashion to Steven. ''You're more than enough for any man, Steven'', he said, standing up, placing a packet of ham and a block of cheese on the counter, and approaching Steven, who had his back turned to him.

''How romantic'', he laughed.

''You know what I mean'', he whispered, placing his hands on Steven's waist, before wrapping his hands firmly around Steven. He rested his head on the back of Steven's shoulder, maneuvering his mouth close to Steven's ear.

''Yeah, I know_ exactly _what you mean''.

''Don't be gettin' a big head, there, Steven''.

''Still wouldn't be as big as yours''. Brendan huffed a sarcastic, exaggerated laugh as he held Steven even tighter in his arms than before.

''Love you'', he whispered innocently, like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth.

''Yeah, yeah'', he muttered, dryly.

''So we're playing that game are we? Did you get a new phone?'', he asked, suddenly noticing the small, black, device sitting on the counter in front of him.

''No, you did''. He picked it up, and raised it to eye level, twisting it around so he could see it from every angle possible. He inspected every inch of it, making Steven roll his eyes.

''I guess it'll do'', he smiled, playfully.

''Oi!'', he yelled, elbowing Brendan in the stomach.

''Well, it's better than that other piece of shit I had before'', he said dismissively. Steven suddenly turned in Brendan's arms, but Brendan kept a tight hold on him the whole time.

''I got you that for Christmas!''.

''I know, I'm joking. Thank you'', he smiled, leaning in for a kiss.

''Better be'', he whispered, just before his lips met Brendan's. It was soft and chaste at first, Brendan pressing a number of kisses against Steven's mouth, before a prolonged one. His mouth slowly opened against Steven's, and Steven's mouth moved in sync with Brendan's. Their tongues danced together as they soothed and caressed each other. They were both burning with desire from every touch, every swipe of tongues and the clash of teeth.

It was animal and rough, and needy and desperate. Steven raised his hands and held the back of Brendan's neck, while the other held the back of his head. He pulled Brendan in deeper, his tongue mixing with Steven's, like they were built for each other. Brendan's was his, and he was putty in Steven's hands. He had complete and utter control over Brendan in times like this. It was all a bit overwhelming, and time came to a stop. They stayed in this position for minutes, just kissing.

When the kiss broke, Brendan pressed one more soft chaste kiss on Steven's lips before he pulled away. They pressed their foreheads together, breathing into each other's mouths, taking a breather in their dazed and dizzy states. They stared into each other's eyes, deeply and intently. ''I love you, too'', Steven panted, catching his breath again. Brendan smiled, like he wanted to devour him, and he did. He wanted the feel of Steven's body against him, just the thought was making him hard.

Steven noticed Brendan's growing cock against his waist, looking up at Brendan's wolfish gaze. ''I have to go to work'', he groaned, almost apologetically. Brendan's grin just widened though.

''So?'', he questioned. He didn't understand the meaning of Steven's words. He pressed his lips against Steven's neck, kissing down to his chest and unbuttoning the top buttons on his shirt.

''Seriously, Brendan''.

''Seriously'', he muttered, kissing down Steven's chest and continuing to unbutton his shirt despite Steven's protests. He pulled Brendan back up to look him in the face.

''I have to go'', he said, clearly, so Brendan would find it easier to understand. Brendan leaned closer, but Steven didn't move, he was trying to stand strong, but Brendan was having none of it. In one swift movement, their tongues were meshed together once more, a desperate attempt to make Steven see, to see what's on offer. ''I'm leaving'', he grinned, once the kiss had stopped. He began moving away, until Brendan gripped his arm, pulled his arm back, and wrapped himself around Steven, gripping him arse cheeks.

He began sliding down Steven's body, kissing his chest and stomach the whole way down. Steven was awkwardly looking away and smiling. Brendan stood up and sighed, and rubbed his forehead. ''I'm gonna try this one more time''. Steven sighed, and braced himself for another failed attempt. Brendan grabbed his waist, and pulled it against his own. Steven released a pleasure-filled moan and gripped the edge of the counter. Brendan's wolfish smile returned, and he gasped as he grinded against Steven again.

After another one, Steven caved. He gripped Brendan and began pushing him backwards, pressing his lips against Brendan's. They crashed against the bedroom door and Brendan smiled as he pushed the door handle down. ''See? I always get my way'', Brendan grinned.

''No you don't''.

* * *

''Where ya going?'', Steven asked hazily, lying in the bed and watching Brendan move around the room picking up the different items of his suit from all over the room.

''I'm getting ready for work'', he said, grabbing his trousers that had been thrown on top of the wardrobe in all the commotion.

''Work?''.

''Yeah, it's Friday, Steven. The club needs somebody there''.

''You're mad if you think I'm letting you go back to work after the day you've had''.

''Well Anne's just had a baby and Maxine's hardly gonna be up for it is she?''.

''Yeah, maybe, but you've had two panic attacks since last night _and_ you've just delivered a baby. Do you not think it would be a good idea to just call it a day?'', he pleaded, standing up and wrapping his hands around Brendan's neck.

''I'm not sittin' here alone for the rest of the day while you go off to work with Doug''.

''Come with me, then'', he suggested.

''What?''.

''Yeah. You may as well seeing as you've got nothing better goin' on''.

''Can I not just go to work?''.

''No, you're relaxing. You deserve it, you know'', he said, bending over and picking up his trousers from the floor.

''Yep'', he muttered, distracted by the naked view in front of him.

''Come on, get ready. We're late enough as it is'', he urged heading for the bathroom. He came back a few minutes later, fully dressed in his uniform, buttoning up his shirt. Brendan waited by the door, unenthused by the fact that he was going to see Steven draping over Doug for the next few hours.

''What am I supposed to do over here?''.

''Sit down, put your feet up, and relax'', he said, opening the door.

''Nothing I can't do here'', he gestured, pointing at the sofa.

''Yeah, but here, you won't have me and Doug for company'', grinned innocently.

''You and Doug'', he said to himself, not particularly enjoying those three words in the same sentence.

* * *

Brendan sat by the deli window, bored as fuck. On several occasions he tried to make it look obvious, twiddling his thumbs and giving a long over-exaggerated sigh. Doug would acknowledge it, but Steven would stare down at the counter, keeping back his smile, and trying his best to make it look like he didn't notice. He wasn't getting his way, he wanted him in his sight at all times. Brendan watched Steven every time, perhaps oblivious to the fact that he could see his smile widen when he did it. Eventually, Brendan only did it to get a smile out of him. He liked being the one to make him smile, it was a nice change to the usual heartache he'd cause.

Sitting here in the deli wasn't all bad. Although he wasn't really included in much conversation about stock or shifts, or even idle chat with other customers, he still liked spending time with Steven, if this counted as spending time with someone. He watched Steven constantly, couldn't take his eyes off him. Him sitting here in silence gave him the perfect opportunity to look at him, admire his beauty, his absolute perfection. He couldn't believe how lucky he was to have some one like Steven, or to have Steven love him back. He also couldn't believe how stupid he was either, to let him go so many times.

But he grew in their time apart. He wasn't ready for a real relationship the last time they were together, but he was a different man now. He's a man who finally accepted himself for who he is, and nobody to judge him, not that he'd care anyway. Sometimes, he wondered if this was all a dream, it was impossible to be this happy. He spent his whole life afraid and alone, scared to let anybody in. That was, until, he met this wonderful man, Steven Hay, who was now approaching him with a goofy smile and holding a coffee and a sandwich on a plate.

''Here ya go'', he smiled, sitting down beside him and handing him the plate and the cup. ''Blackberry jam... seedless''. Brendan smiled, taking it from Steven's hands.

''Thank you'', he muttered, hardly half way through the sentence before he was half way through the sandwich. Ste smiled, for some reason unknown to him he loved seeing Brendan eat that way. It made him wonder what else he could devour. He pushed the thought away, it wasn't the time nor the place for him to pitch a tent.

''You're probably dead bored here''.

''No'', Brendan tried to say, swallowing down another mouthful. ''No'', he repeated. ''I'm enjoyin' myself'', he smiled.

''Brendan, we're not even doing anything remotely enjoyable for you''.

''No, but, I'm definitely enjoying the view, though'', he said, giving Steven a once over. He visibly blush, his goofy smile widening as he leaned forward for a kiss. They were interrupted by another customer entering the shop.

''Better get back to it, then'', he sighed, standing up and leaving Brendan alone again. Brendan couldn't help but stare at Steven's bum as he walked away. A few minutes later Maxine entered, and sat down beside him.

''So, did you hear the news?'', she said, very enthusiastically.

''What news?'', he asked, taking a swig of his coffee.

''Anne's staying'', she squealed.

''That's great'', he smiled. ''But she has to, doesn't she? Until the baby's better at least''.

''Yeah, but she's staying forever, now''.

''I'm happy to hear it'', he smiled. They continued talking for a while after that, just small talk that led to nothing entertaining. Eventually it was closing time, and after closing the shop Ste said his goodbye to Doug. Brendan wrapped his arm around Ste as they walked, which eventually dropped until they were holding hands. Ste beamed with happiness, smiling at Brendan, who even gave him a kiss for good measure, completely ignoring anybody walking by.

''I hope you're ready for tomorrow'', Ste smiled wryly, his smile now fading when Brendan gave him a quizzicle look.

''Tomorrow?'', he asked.

''It's you're first session''. Brendan was completely lost.

''Session for what?'', he asked, growing scared.

''Counselling. He's agreed to see you tomorrow''.

**I'm not entirely happy with it, but thanks for reading, please leave a review :)**


	10. Chapter 10: Unreadable

**So I finally finished planning out this fic, and I finally know where I'm going with it. It will have twenty chapters in total. Also, thank you all for the great reviews after the last chapter, it means a lot. Enjoy!**

Steven watched him, his fingers drumming against the table, his other fingers in his mouth as he bit the nails from them. He was nervous, it was his first counselling session today. He knew it was hard for him, but Brendan had promised to keep his promises, and yesterday he promised him he'd go to counselling, whether he like it or not. Of course, he didn't like it, and maybe Steven was pushing this on him. The last thing Brendan had on his mind last night was the thought of going to a counselor, to spill everything that was going on in his head. Brendan had hardly slept last night, he spent most of it kicking around and tossing and turning. He could tell from the stress on his face that the anticipation was eating away at him.

''Brendan?'', Steven asked, getting no response from the man who was staring blankly at the wall, fingers still tapping. ''Brendan?'', he repeated, louder this time. Brendan turned his head to look at him, raising his eyebrows. ''I can come with ya if ya like?''.

''No'', he muttered, as if he wasn't entirely sure what was going on. ''No, I need to do this on my own''.

''You sure?''.

''Yes'', he sighed, not entirely sure of himself, and Steven wasn't either, but he didn't want to push him today, not when Brendan was like this. Steven got up and went to the kitchen, and Brendan soon followed, putting his cup in the sink and taking a deep breath.

''Look, you don't have to do this yet if you're not ready. It's just that I want you to get better, and I don't want you walking around with all this pressure on your shoulders''. He approached Brendan, pressing his body against his and wrapping his arms around Brendan's neck.

''I know, and I'm grateful you're here to give me the push I need to do this'', he smiled, kissing him.

''Good. I'm grateful to be the one to push you''.

''Is that right?'', he smiled back.

''Yeah'', he said, kissing Brendan again. Brendan gave Steven a deep look of intent. ''What?''.

''You know? There is one way you can help me calm my nerves''.

''Yeah? What's that, then?'', he asked. Brendan leaned forward to Steven's ear.

''Blowjob'', he purred. Steven leaned back, mock shocked. ''Come on. You wanna?''. Steven's mouth formed the shape of a smile, dropping as he leaned in and gave Brendan yet another kiss, a _real_ one this time, one full of want and need. As their tongues meshed and rubbed together, Steven felt the other man begin to harden in his trousers. His hands felt around Brendan's waist, and Brendan moaned as Steven's hands were soon rubbing against his cock, which was still locked away in Brendan's suit trousers, and that was about to change.

He pulled the zipper down, and opened his button, and in one movement Brendan's trousers and boxers were hanging on his knees. Steven gave him one last kiss, before moving downwards, kissing his chin and neck, and the hairs on the top of his chest. He felt Brendan's hand on the top of his head, pushing him down. Steven bent on his knees, taking a look at Brendan's beautiful and long cock. It was peppered with short hairs, they only shaved it not too long ago, but Steven like it hairy, it felt more masculine.

He took the head in his mouth, and Brendan let out a moan of lust and pleasure. He worked his way down slowly, not wanting to make himself gag. The feel of it made Brendan want more, the feeling of Steven's tongue at the base of his cock, the feeling of being inside Steven, the feeling of pure ecstasy. He wanted to push in deeper, but he knew that Steven couldn't handle it, not yet anyway. Steven had his own boner in his trousers, but Brendan knew exactly how to deal with that after. Steven sucked down deeper, feeling himself adjust to the feel and weight of it.

He pushed down until he could feel his lips meet the very end of it, right down to the base. He worked slowly up and down, until his mouth became used to the feeling. Brendan's pubes tickled his nose, and when he reached the base again he breathed them in, a long, drawn out breath. He quickened the pace then, his movements becoming faster as his lips went down, and then up again. Brendan gripped the edge of the counter, his mouth wide open and eyes rolling to the back of his head. His head tilted back as he began trusting slightly.

His thrusts became more violent, grabbing Steven's head and pulling him closer as Brendan's hips jerked forwards and back. He released cracked words of pleasure. ''Oh, God. Steven. Yeah, Steven. Faster''. Steven took it all, could handle it all, didn't gag once. Brendan felt the pressure rising, the build up to the release. He unloaded himself straight down Steven's throat, Steven taking it all, not stopping. He sucked and licked until he felt Brendan become limp in his mouth. When he looked up, he saw Brendan lying back against the counter, looking like a hot mess.

''You calm yet?'', he smiled, getting nothing in response but an 'O' shape with his thumb and index finger, before gesturing for him to stand. He lay against Brendan, who recovered slightly enough to look at him. Brendan smiled, pointing at Steven's chin.

''You missed a little'', he giggled. Steven giggled with him, raising his hand to wipe it, but Brendan stopped him. He leaned forward, licking Steven from his chin and over his lips, catching his own come on his tongue, swallowing it. Steven's boner twitched at the sight of it, and Brendan pulled him in for another long, lingering, breath-taking kiss. ''Wait here'', he said, running into their bedroom with his trousers around his ankles. ''Your turn'', he declared, returning to the kitchen with a bottle of lube in his hand.

He pulled Steven in for another kiss, releasing him and whispering, ''Fuck me, Steven''. Steven smiled, grabbing the lube from Brendan's hand and squirting some on the palm of his hand. He rubbed his index finger with it before Brendan stopped him. ''You don't need to stretch me out, Steven''. Steven signaled for Brendan to turn, and he did so without hesitation as Steven lubed up his throbbing cock. He bent Brendan forward slightly as he widened Brendan's cheeks, resting his cock against Brendan's hole as he prepared to go in.

Steven pushed in slightly, and slowly, half-expecting Brendan to change his mind. He didn't. Steven pushed further, feeling Brendan squirm slightly. He felt Brendan begin to loosen around him, felt him morph into the same shape. He was warm inside, and Steven could hear the quiet moans escaping Brendan's mouth. He wrapped his arms tightly around Brendan's torso, and Brendan's remained gripping the counter-tops. He felt a lump inside Brendan that made him push backwards, and that's when he knew Brendan wanted it hard and he wanted it now.

He pummeled into Brendan's hole, thrust after thrust, unrelenting force that had Brendan reaching breaking point as he dropped onto the counter, banging his head against the tiled-wall after each pounding. Brendan released his right leg from his trousers, resting it on the counter to allow Steven further penetration. He never thought he'd feel this way about being fucked, but there was something different about Steven, something that made him feel alive. ''Harder'', he demanded, slamming his fist down on the table, immediately moaning loudly as Steven began to follow orders.

Steven was close, he could feel it. The noises Brendan was making were simply spurring him on, adding to his arousal and the build up of pressure. He kissed Brendan's spine as he came, shooting his come inside Brendan's hole. Brendan felt warm on the inside, and he loved the feeling of having Steven's warmth fill him. He continued his thrust until he was sure he was empty, before pulling out and resting against Brendan, kissing the back of his neck.

''You think you're ready for it now?'', Steven panted.

''Absolutely''.

* * *

Steven whistled his way in the deli door with a spring in his step. He was almost too wrapped up in his own mind to realise that Doug wasn't alone. His interest dropped however when he realized who Doug was with. That McQueen lad, the one Brendan slept with. He didn't really have the right to hold a grudge against one of Brendan's ex's, if you'd even call him an ex, especially seeing as they weren't even together at the time. But it was the fact that Brendan had chosen to be with him ,instead of telling Steven the truth about how he really felt about him. John Paul turned from Doug with a huge grin on his face, nudging into Steven's shoulder as he walked out the door. Now _that_ was but just one reason why he held a grudge.

''What's going on there, eh?'', he grinned, making Doug blush slightly.

''Oh, nothing. It's just John Paul'', he said, nonchalantly, trying to play it cool. It was also because Doug didn't really feel comfortable talking about this kind of thing with Ste, it was too soon after the break-up.

''No, come on. I've seen the way you look at him. I mean, you've been drooling over him ever since you came back''.

''I have not'', he laughed, nudging Ste's shoulder.

''Doug. Ask him out''.

''We already tried, it didn't work out'', he dismissed.

''Yeah, because you had Leanne being a third wheel the entire night. The way you too look at each other, it's clear he wants to be with you as much as you want to be with him''.

''You think so?'', he asked. He didn't exactly have the confidence he used to, not after everything he went through with Ste.

''Yeah, 'course''.

''What should I say?''.

''Dunno, ask him out for a drink at The Dog. Just don't leave him hangin', Doug. He'll get bored''.

''Yeah, right. Like Brendan got bored chasing after you for two years''.

''Yeah, but me and Brendan had a history. This is new, it's different. This is you're chance to find a man who loves you as much as you love them. So go for it''. Doug nodded, suddenly feeling more determined than ever to make this happen, and he would make this happen.

* * *

Brendan sat in the waiting room in silence, his face in his hands, listening to every tick booming from the clock on the wall. The receptionist gave him an odd wry smile, looking a bit pitiful at the state that he was in. He tapped his foot against the ground, and his hands were shaking. Beads of sweat poured down his forehead, and he felt like he was going to be sick. He was beginning to forget why he was doing this, who he was doing this for, until an image of Steven became clear in his mind. This could only be good for him, the end result won't be too terrible. He doesn't have to say anything he doesn't want to, or even anything at all. All he has to do is go in, and sit down. For Steven's sake.

There was a man on the chair across from him, feet resting on the coffee table as he read a magazine. He couldn't imagine how anybody could be this calm when faced with such a challenge like this. He couldn't take it anymore. He stood up, grabbing a paper cup and filled it with water from a water cooler. The receptionist appeared behind him, tapping him on the shoulder. He jumped from the touch, almost doing a spit-take from the shock. She just smiled at him soothingly.

''Are you okay, sir?'', she asked. Clearly he was not okay, had she not seen the state of him?

''Yeah, just a bit nervous, that's all''.

''Listen, everybody's nervous about their first session. Nobody really wants to talk to these people, but once the first one is over and done with, believe me, you'll feel relieved that you went through with it''.

''Thank you'', he smiled nervously. He read her name-tag. 'Lindsay Butterfield', it read. ''So, you're a receptionist here, then?''.

''No, I'm a nurse. I'm just helping a friend out, the real receptionist called in sick this morning''. A buzzing noise sounded from behind the check-in desk. ''I've gotta take that'', she apologised, but Brendan simply nodded. He sat back down where he was, taking deep breaths to try and calm himself.

Eventually, Lindsay called his name, and he heard her whisper ''Good luck'' as he walked towards the door. He composed himself before he went in, smoothing his clothes down and wiping the sweat from his face. He took another deep breath to try and calm his nerves.

''For Steven'', he whispered to himself as he turned the door handle. When he entered, the first thing he noticed was a blonde woman sitting in the middle of the room, sitting in a chair that was facing another chair. The room, looked kind of homey, probably done on purpose to calm the patient's nerves. He didn't like to think of himself as a patient. There was a bed situated against the wall, and Brendan didn't fancy the idea of lying down during all of this.

Their was a small window, and a book shelf in the corner of the room next to a plant which was close to dying, a bit like himself he thought. He sat down, looking awkwardly at her as he waited for her to acknowledge him. She sat there, reading sheets of paper from a clip board while Brendan just watched her. She was in her fifties maybe, and was skinny with blonde hair. Eventually she looked up, smiling at him.

''Morning'', she smiled. Brendan was kinda surprised to hear a cockney accent to come from her mouth. He didn't reply. ''My name is Doctor Roscoe, but you can call me Sandy''. Brendan just sat in silence, and she wasn't sure if he was even taking any of this in. ''What's your name?'', she asked, beginning to look a bit worried. Brendan just continued to stare at her, through gritted teeth, and after a moment she started talking again. ''I'm not gonna put any pressure on you, but are you gonna say something at all today?''.

''Brendan'', he muttered. ''Brendan Brady''. She sat back, appeased.

''Tea or coffee?'', she asked, going over to put the kettle on.

''No, thanks. I'm good'', he said, quietly. After a moment or so, he had a coffee sitting in front of him on a small table, and she sat down with her tea.

''I prefer tea, myself'', she informed, but Brendan could see through the play she was putting on, trying to warm him to her, but he kept his mouth shut. ''So, Brendan. Why are you here?''. He took his time to find an answer, and she kept eye contact with him the entire time. It put him slightly at ease to know that he wasn't being rushed into doing anything.

''I'm trying to save my relationship. And myself'', he said blatantly.

''So you're in a relationship?''. He nodded in reply, the less said the better he thought. ''What's her name?''.

''_His_ name is Steven''. Her facial expression didn't change, and she didn't look at him funny or make a snap-judgment. Him being gay didn't seem to faze her at all.

''What's Steven like, then?'', she questioned. This is the part of the session he was afraid of. He gave her no reply. ''Brendan, are you uncomfortable talking about your sexuality with other people?''. Brendan stared at her, mouth shut. ''Why do you think that is?''.

''Steven he's... great''.

''Is that all you have to say about him?''. Brendan said nothing in response. ''Do you love him?''.

''Yes''.

''Tell me why''.

''Why are you asking me these questions?''.

''I'm testing the water. I want to know who I'm talking to. I'm asking you simple questions about your relationship. These are questions you should know the answer to, before we dig deeper''.

''I know the answers to the questions''.

''Then why won't you say them? You have nothing to be ashamed of, Brendan. I'm not here to judge you, I'm here to listen to you. So why do you love him?''. Brendan gave an inward sigh.

''Because he accepts me for who I am. I feel like I can be myself when he's around. He loves me as much as I love him and it's unconditional, no matter what happens between us, and it always has been''. He was surprised at himself, didn't know he had it in him to actually tell somebody that. He didn't think he could even tell Steven that.

''How did you two meet?''.

''He catered for the opening of my sister's club, and eventually he landed himself a barman job in it''. He wasn't exactly telling a lie, although he wasn't telling the entire truth either. He was ashamed by that his first conversation with Steven had ended with him knocking Steven unconscious on a table.

''Do you work?''.

''I own the club now''.

''Tell me about that''.

''Well, it's not the classiest place to spend a night out, but it means a lot to me. I love it''.

''Is it stressful, having all the business work to do alone?''.

''No, I like it. It gives me something to do. Keeps me on my feet, I guess''.

''Does Ste still work there?''.

''No. I, eh, sacked him last January. We didn't always see eye to eye when we weren't together. Even when we are together we still don't. All he wanted to do was know how I was doing after the trouble I was going through. Back then I used to push people away if they got too close. I actually owned a different business last year, a deli, but it didn't work out''.

''What happened?''.

''It was rightfully Steven's business, but he couldn't afford it, so I became a silent partner without him even knowing. I just wanted him back in my life again, and when he found out he said we could be together if I signed it over to him, so I did. Later on he left me for someone else, he had scammed me''.

''How did that make you feel?''.

''Angry. Sad. Jealous. I wanted everything Doug had, and they beat me at my own game. Steven eventually let me back in his life, but he had moved on. He even got married last November''.

''How did you two end up together again?''.

''When he got married, I swore that I'd leave him alone and left the village. He followed me to Dublin, after I left, and he convinced me that we could make a go of things again, so I came back''.

''You're from Dublin, then?''.

''Yeah, my two kids live there, too''.

''Kids?'', she questioned.

''Yeah, I took my time figuring things out''.

''I see. Are you a religious man?''.

''When times get rough I turn to God for help, but who knows if he can hear me or not?''.

''Do you have any family back in the village?''.

''Apart from Steven, no. I used to''.

''What happened?''.

''I think that's a story for a different day''. She wrote something down on her clipboard, probably a reminder to ask him about it the next day.

''What was your childhood like?''.

''My Mam died when I was a kid, and my Dad moved us both up to Belfast when he met my step-mother'', he explained, leaving out a few major turning points in his life.

''Do you have any siblings?''.

''Just one. My sister, Cheryl''.

''Good''. Brendan took a mouthful of his coffee, which was now pretty close to cold. He didn't mind, though, he was relaxed. ''You said earlier that you were here because you wanted to save your relationship. And yourself. What did you mean by that?'', she asked.

''In the past couple of weeks I've developed a condition called Vasovagal Syncope''.

''Where you faint regularly''.

''Yeah. My doctor says it's due to stress, and Steven seems to think I'm stressed because I have a lot on my mind''.

''And what other symptoms are there?''.

''Ehm, heat, pain, exhaustion, hunger, thirst... the list goes on''.

''And when was the last time you fainted?''.

''Yesterday morning, and the last time before that was the night before''.

''Is that normal?''.

''Not for me, no''.

''What's it like?''.

''I get light headed, and I feel dizzy, and then the next thing is I'm on the floor. I usually don't feel too well for a day or two after them. I was close to having a third yesterday, too''.

''Why, what happened?''.

''My friend fell down the stairs and went into labour''.

''Oh, God. Is she alright?''.

''Yeah, she's fine, and the baby. If I hadn't have been there it might not have been the case''.

''What do you mean?''.

''Well, I delivered it''.

''You delivered a baby?'', she smiled.

''Yeah, it was nothing, though''.

''What d'ya mean? You're a hero, Brendan''. He felt warmth at the sounds of those words. They talked for what felt like ages after that, until a timer suddenly clicked, and she straightened herself up. ''That's all the time we have for today, I'm afraid. I've scheduled another hour-long appointment for tomorrow afternoon, if you can make it''.

''Yeah, of course. I'll see ye then'', he smiled, standing up and shaking her hand. ''Thanks for the coffee'', he smirked. As he left, she couldn't help but wonder what the story for another day was. She guessed she'll find out tomorrow. Brendan closed the door behind him, and was met by Lindsay smiling as she approached him.

''So how did it go?'', she beamed. He released a sigh of relief, smiling as he did so.

''Great. Really good''.

''Oh, that's fantastic. I told you it wasn't all bad'', she said, rubbing his arm. Brendan walked out of there with the biggest, stupidest grin that had ever graced his face.

Steven sat at the table in the living room, eating a ham sandwich with a cup of tea while reading the local newspaper. When he heard a set of keys being fumbled with outside, he shot up and met Brendan by the door. Brendan met him wit an unreadable expression. ''Alright?'', he greeted, walking into the kitchen. Steven followed.

''So, how did it go?'', he asked softly. He was almost afraid to ask, didn't know if Brendan went through with it or not.

''It went...'', he paused, ''great'', he smiled. Steven rushed to him, wrapping his arms around him.

''Oh, Brendan that's brilliant'', he sighed, relief flooding out of him. ''So what happened?''.

''Nothing much. We talked about you mostly''.

''Me? What are ya talking about me for?''.

''She wanted to get to know me, if I was seeing anybody, who my family were, that kind of stuff. I'm going back for another hour tomorrow''.

''Well, I'm dead proud of ya. So much so, I think you're in need of a reward'', he teased.

''Is that right?''. Steven took Brendan's hand, leading him into the bedroom. They didn't leave the room for another forty five minutes.

* * *

Brendan followed Steven to work again today, although, this time he had somebody for company: John Paul. He watched on as Doug and John Paul flaunted the fact that they were together now, kissing and laughing and holding each other. Brendan couldn't help but smile, but he wasn't happy for _them_, he was happy for himself. The way he saw it, was that this way, he didn't have to worry about Doug being alone with Steven and making moves on him. Everything was perfect, the only thing in their way now was therapy, which wasn't even that bad today.

He was kinda nervous for tomorrow, he knew that today was just a warm up, but tomorrow he was going to tell her everything, because the sooner he let it all go, the faster he could leave. He gave Steven the odd cheeky smile as he worked away behind the counter. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, and when he realised who it was, he leaped up out of his seat and out the door. Steven watched him through the window, as Brendan's face dropped. A few moments later Brendan hung up the phone and opened the door.

''Steven, I'm gonna head home'', he chocked.

''Everything alright?''.

''Yeah, I'm fine'', he lied.

**Please review, I hope you enjoyed it :) I'm on Tumblr now, the link is in my profile description. You can always ask me for writing requests, I'm always looking for new ideas and things like that, so look me up!**


	11. Chapter 11: Abandoned

**Thank you to everybody who reviewed my last chapter, you guys are amazing! Enjoy!**

Brendan hung up the phone, feeling his heart rate quicken, feeling his mouth go dry. His good mood had been crushed like an ant under a boot, and he couldn't figure out why. The news shouldn't even faze him. That chapter of his life was over, and he wanted it to remain over. If he was still here, that monster wouldn't give him the time of day, never mind anything else, so why was he included in it? He needed to get away from everybody right now, needed to be on his own. He looked back at the deli, seeing Steven watching him. He popped his head in the door.

''Steven, I'm gonna head home'', he choked, swallowing past a lump in his throat. He knew. He knew something was up with him, but Steven was smart, and he knew that when Brendan got like this it was best to leave him be.

''Everything alright?'', he asked, moving to approach him so they could talk without Doug or John Paul knowing their business.

''Yeah, I'm fine'', he lied, leaving the deli before Steven could get nearer to him, before he could even get a word in, not even a 'goodbye'.

''What's up with him?'', John Paul asked, sticking his nose in where it's not wanted, as usual. Ste walked back behind the counter, muttering something like a 'I don't know' as he watched a smug grin form on John Paul's face. He wanted to smack him sometimes, the rest of the time he wanted to smack him even harder. He didn't know what Doug saw in the snooty git, he was always looking down his nose at him. He had no right, everyone had a history, including him. He wasn't exactly royalty, he's a McQueen for Christ's sake! They're all bloody thieves and drug dealers and gold-diggers, except for him apparently. He acts like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth.

Brendan stepped outside the deli, looking around him awkwardly. His eyes focused on a figure standing on the Chez Chez balcony, watching him. It was Cheryl, well, it wasn't really Cheryl. It was his mind playing tricks on him again, and that's all it was. When he was anxious like this, it always triggered visions, visions of Cheryl, which in itself triggered an anxiety attack of sorts. And it wasn't happening again. He wasn't going to let the memory of her get in the way of his happiness. He was starting to resent her for it, even though it wasn't exactly her fault. He couldn't help it, though, she was always there pestering him when times got rough, and she always made things worse.

He simply looked back at her, steadying his breathing and calming himself. His heart rate began to slow down, returning to it's normal speed. He wasn't about to let her make him collapse again. When he was ready, he turned and walked away, feeling her gaze burning into the back of his neck, unrelenting. He walked for a while clearing his head, thinking over what he was going to do about his situation, about the phone call. Why can't people just let him live his life, move on and forget about the past? It was beginning to get dark, and as the sun set, he made his way back home. He still wasn't ready to face anyone, not even Steven.

He wasn't ready to talk about it, to think about. Maybe he'll tell Sandy tomorrow, get it off his chest. Maybe he'll wait and tell Steven first. He wasn't sure what he was gonna do, but he wasn't doing it tonight. He was tired anyway, and he just wanted to go to bed. When he arrived home, Steven was in the kitchen, cooking dinner. It was spaghetti and meatballs, one of Brendan's favorites, and it made him smile slightly. Steven knew he was in a bad mood, so he made him his second favorite dinner, apart from Irish stew of course, and it lightened him up slightly. He watched Steven move around the kitchen, not informing him of his presence. Steven turned to him and got startled, but soon smiled and relaxed.

''I didn't hear ya come in'', he said, giving a distracted Brendan a soft, quick kiss on the lips. He didn't know what he was distracted over, but he was going to leave it for now. ''I made one of your favorites'', he said, moving back to a pot on the top of the cooker. ''Spaghetti and meatballs. I would have made you some stew but I didn't have the time''. He stirred the pot, waiting for a response, but didn't get one. He turned to see Brendan standing in the same spot as before, only not looking distracted, smiling at him.

''I love you'', he smiled. He knew Steven had only made a tiny gesture to make him feel better, but he went through the effort of doing it, and it warmed his insides. Steven gave him a knowing smile, but said nothing about the phone call. Brendan would tell him when he was ready, and he would wait until then. Brendan decided to lighten himself up, he wasn't going to push him away like he usually did, he was going to continue on as normal, and not let anything stand in the way of them being happy, not even this, but he still wasn't ready to talk about it. Steven turned back to the cooker smiling, tending to the pasta.

''I know. I love you, too''. Steven felt two arms wrap around his body, and felt Brendan bury his face into his neck, kissing him. His hands trailed down his body, before Steven grabbed them, pulling them back up to his torso. ''Not yet'', he smiled, a flustered. Brendan continued kissing his neck as he played with Steven's nipple, and Steven released a small moan as he tipped his head back. ''I mean it, though. After dinner'', he warned. Brendan replied with his tongue, running it up Steven's neck. Steven opened his mouth as his tongue drew nearer to his mouth, catching Brendan's tongue with his own as they embraced each other in a soft, lingering kiss.

Steven felt Brendan harden against his thigh, and Steven hardened at the touch, loving the sensation it gave him. He quickly snapped out of it, resuming his position at the cooker. Brendan looked at him, baffled.

''Wha-'', he asked, confused but smiling.

''After dinner I said''. He didn't turn to look at Bren on purpose, even though he would have loved to see his face right now. Brendan sulked over to the sofa, lying down as he watched some television, feeling his cock turn limp again. A few minutes later they ate as they watched Jack Reacher on Sky Movies Premier. Steven drifted towards him after they were both finished, resting against his chest as Brendan wrapped an arm around him. They had sex on the sofa that night.

* * *

Steven paced around the kitchen, putting plates in cupboards and putting glasses on shelves and shoving forks and knives in drawers. He always wondered how he always managed to get stuck with the dishes in the mornings. It was Tuesday, so it's not like Brendan's spending late nights serving punters at the club, so he could always get up and help. On cue, Brendan entered the kitchen, wearing a shirt and suit trousers. Steven pointed at him, and then the sink.

''Here you, you're washing'', he said, faking a stern tone in his voice. Brendan tutted.

''Ah, I'm only up, Steven'', he moaned.

''Yeah, and I need to go to work, Brendan''. Brendan sighed, grabbing a sponge and moving on to the next plate, doing a half-arsed job on purpose, making Steven glare at him. He took it back off the draining board, washing properly now with a sulk. Steven smiled, loving the domesticity of it all. Brendan picked up a cup, rubbing it lightly with the sponge, discarding it on the draining board. Steven inspected it, before aiming the inside in Brendan's direction. It had dried coffee stains at the bottom, and Steven walked towards him. ''Right, I'll wash'', he said, attempting to reach for the sponge in Brendan's hands.

Brendan protested, swinging his soapy arm away, sending suds across Steven's uniform. Steven stood there, mouth open. ''I'm sorry'', Brendan apologised, suddenly scared for his well-being. Steven moved his arm out, raising it, making Brendan squirm in anticipation of him getting a slap. Steven's arm fell, sending his hand into the bubbly water in the sink. Brendan tensed, raising a finger at Steven, warning at him not to do it, but Steven simply smiled back. He flung is arm, sending water and bubbles all over Brendan. Brendan looked at him, trying his best to get angry, but couldn't.

''Now, give me the sponge'', Steven smiled, holding his arm out with his palm open. Brendan slapped it, as if Steven was offering him a high five. In one movement, Brendan threw his arm at the sink and splashed Steven some more, and Steven did the same, before grabbing for the sponge which Brendan hid, holding it in the air behind his head. Steven moved closer, pressing his body against Brendan's reaching for the sponge. Brendan smiled at the contact, and when Steven reached face-level, he stared intently into Brendan's eyes, before planting a soft kiss on Brendan's lips, and another, and another, before Brendan dropped the sponge, pulling Steven closer.

As the kiss deepened, they were interrupted by a stern cough echoing from the other end of the room. They both jumped from the startling noise, before turning to see Amy standing in the kitchen watching them. Steven's face reddened, blushing from the embarrassment. Brendan simply stood there, avoiding eye contact with her, sniffling and fidgeting. He fixed himself properly, before pointing at the front door and walking towards it. ''I should probably-'', he muttered, before being interrupted by Steven.

''You can't go to...''. Steven looked at Amy, and then back at Brendan. ''...work dressed like that'', he said, giving Amy a reassuring look, who gave him a blank stare in return. Brendan nodded, sniffling again before walking back into their bedroom to change out of his soaking wet clothes. As he got dressed, he couldn't help but think how _great_ it was that Steven was keeping secrets from Amy again. Work. Yeah, he wishes he was going to work. He supposed 'work' was their new code word for therapy. He remembers the last time they lied to Amy, and look how well that turned out. Steven and Amy stood in silence in the kitchen while Brendan got dressed.

When Brendan emerged, he gave Steven a quick peck on the cheek, keeping his eyes on Amy the whole time, before leaving. Ste gave her awkward looks for a few moments until she finally spoke.

''Ste, I need to tell you something'', she said, in an unsettling tone that told Ste to brace himself for what he was about to hear.

* * *

The waiting room wasn't as bad as he remembered it to be from yesterday. The room had a few people waiting this time, some who were relaxed reading magazines, and some who were tapping tables and feet, and shaking as they drank cup after cup of water from the dispenser. He looked at the nervous people, and the sweaty state they were in, and he realised that he must have looked worse yesterday. Their was more of an uplifting atmosphere today. There was a child sitting in the corner of the room, playing with some kind of toy, where she had to push a couple of different coloured beads along a spiraling wire. He wondered what a child was doing here, what kind of child needs counseling?

Lindsay was here again today, and when he walked in she gave him a friendly smile as he sat down on the sofa, beside a woman who was reading a book, licking her fingers as she turned the page. He tapped his knee slightly, but it wasn't a nervous tap, it was out of boredom. He should be nervous, though. Yesterday was easy, and it was easy because it was just him telling Sandy about himself. Today, however, they were getting down to business. He felt scared a little, he was scared of opening himself up to another person. How would he tell her about his father? Telling Steven was the hardest thing he had ever done, but it was the right thing, and maybe this was the right thing, too.

He wondered what was taking so long, his session was about to start and his name hadn't been called yet. He heard Sandy's door open, and was shocked when she walked out with none other than Nancy Osborne, who was looking a little worse for wear. They spoke silently in the doorway, and as they did, Sandy's eyes were locked on Brendan's, as he slid down the chair, covering his face with his hand, not wanting to be seen and have half the village know about him going to counseling. They exchanged smiles, before Nancy headed for the door.

''Brendan Brady?'', she called, and Nancy turned, watching Brendan as he sighed, sinking further down the chair. 'Shit!', he thought. Now everyone would know about him. He moved his hand away from his face, defeated, and stood, nodding at Lindsay as she gave him a knowing smile, and avoided looking at Nancy as he felt her eyes on him. Brendan was angry. Fuming even. He sat down in the chair like he did yesterday, and she placed a cup of coffee on the table in front of him. He buried his anger, and moved on, but had an itch to bring it up.

''Morning, Brendan'', she smiled, taking a drink from her tea.

''Morning''.

''How are you?''. He considered his answer, doing his best not to tear her head off for her little stunt back there.

''I'm fine''.

''And how's Steven?''. He was surprised she remembered, but he supposed it was her job. He wasn't getting any special treatment.

''He's good, yeah''.

''Good'', she smiled back. ''Are you sure you're fine? You're not nervous, or scared or...embarrassed?''.

''Nope'', he muttered, trying to move the conversation forward. He never thought he'd see the day when he wanted for the session to get deeper into his head.

''You sure? You didn't look too pleased out there after I called your name''. Brendan sighed, closing his eyes and resting his head on one arm.

''That's because you pretty much told my village that I'm here talking to a shrink''.

''What do you mean?'', she asked.

''That was Nancy Osborne. She runs the local pub in my village. Her father-in-law's wife is the village's biggest source for gossip''.

''You're from Hollyoaks'', she stated, suddenly realising her wrong-doing. He gave her a grunt in response, and she watched him as he sulked in his chair. ''So, you know Nancy comes to therapy, then?''. He gave her no response. ''Brendan, when you saw Nancy leaving here today, did you think any less of her?''.

''No''.

''Exactly. Nobody's gonna care if you're here or not. The Osborne's have bigger problems to deal with. The last thing they'll be thinking about is Brendan Brady going to therapy. The only reason she looked at you that way is because she's scared of people knowing she has a problem''.

''Which is?''.

''I'm not at liberty to discuss other people's business''. Brendan stared at her, and he felt a fowl mood beginning to take control. She was probably right. Nobody cared whether he was here or not, but he had a reputation to keep, and this was a sign of weakness.

''What _are_ you at liberty to discuss?''.

''Your business''.

''Which is?''.

''You tell me''. She was being difficult, and so was he, but he felt the need to tell her what was on his mind, for Steven. He thought about what to say next, and what this session was going to be about. He thought about the hardest thing to talk about, and decided to get it over with rather than have to deal with the anxiety of being pressured into telling her about it later. Today he was going to talk about his father. For Steven.

''I got a phone call yesterday'', he muttered, staring at the ground.

''Is that what's been bothering you?''.

''Yes''.

''Why?''.

''It was from my solicitor. It was about my father's funeral arrangements''.

''I'm sorry to hear that''. He winced at her words, he didn't want any body to feel sorry for him, especially over his father.

''Don't be. I'm glad he's dead''. It was brutal, but it was honest, and it opened the gateway as to why. He felt his heart rate increasing, the pressure rising inside of him. He couldn't believe that he was willingly doing this. A year ago he wouldn't have done this with a gun pointed at his head. But he kept saying one thing over and over again in his head: 'For Steven'.

''Why?''. Brendan looked at her, saying a thousand words without saying anything at all, and she seemed to have understood, appeared to know that he wasn't ready yet. ''How did he die?''.

''He was murdered. Shot''. There was no holding back now, he was going to be straight-up, no sugar coating.

''Oh, God. Did they find out who did it?''.

''My sister. She shot him right in the back''.

''I'm sorry'', she said again, and once again he winced at the words, because it reminded him of memories he would like to forget, but knew he couldn't.

''Don't be'', he repeated. She saved me''. This was it, the moment when she pieced everything together. The moment when he turned from an angry man to a broken man, a rape victim.

''From what?''.

''From him''. His heart rate was rising, and he was suddenly the nervous reck he was yesterday in the waiting room.

''How?''. Only four people in the world knew the real reason why, and there was about to be a fifth. He considered his words carefully, slowly, and he wasn't to be rushed in admitting this. His anxiety was building and he needed to say this.

''Before he died...he...he um...he was about to...he was about to...ehm...''. He paused. ''...rape me. She, um, shot him before it, eh, happened''.

''Was that the first time that he...''.

''No. It happened before. For years''.

''When?''.

''When I was a kid. About eight or so...''.

''And your sister?''.

''In prison. She found out about it all and came to find me one night. When she walked into the club my dad was hitting me and...telling me...telling me I was being a bad...boy...and I needed to be punished''. His lungs were constricting, and he felt his chest tighten, so he gestured to her that he needed a moment, and took a few deep breaths. Her facial expression didn't change, she didn't give him a look of sympathy because she knew he didn't need it. After a minute or so, she asked him another question, she didn't want to get too far off topic.

''Did you tell anyone?''.

''No. I never told anyone before last year''.

''Who did you tell?''. Walker. He told Walker. He poured his heart and soul out to that man, and for what? To have it used against him again and again. It was one of the biggest mistakes of his life.

''A friend. At least I thought he was''.

''I see. Does Steven know?''.

''Yes. I told him a couple of hours before my dad was killed''.

''Anyone else?''.

''My granny''. He stopped, taking a moment to think about what he was going to say next, and what he wasn't going t say next. ''She told me before she died, that she knew all along. Done nothing to stop him, though. Nothing''.

''How did she die?''. He thought it was an irrelevant question, but one he could easily lie about.

''Cancer''.

''And why didn't _you_ tell anyone, Brendan?''.

''I was scared. I didn't think anyone would believe me, he always had a way to turn things around on me. And if he found out I had told anyone, I would have paid for it later. I was just a child, though. I thought that me saying nothing was for the better. If nobody knew, then everyone else could be happy, nobody else would have to carry the weight on their shoulders. Cheryl would still look up to her dad the way she always did. I guess my granny was in the same position as me, and that's what she told me, but she wasn't really. She could have done things that I never would have known to do. Call the police. Take me away from him. She could have done anything, but she didn't. She chose to sit back and let it happen''.

''That's awful. Do you really think that he could have turned that kind of subject around on you? How would he even begin to worm his way out of it?''.

''I was a quiet kid, always kept to myself. I enjoyed my own company. But he used to make people believe that I was something I wasn't. He used to make up stories about me, make me seem troublesome, that I was desperate for attention. One Christmas he even smashed a vase that I had given my mother before she died. He blamed it on me of course, and she believed him, because he had her wrapped around his little finger. She was fooled by the lies, everyone was, to the point where if I had came out with it they would have thought I was looking for attention, because apparently I just wanted all eyes on me and not on my baby sister. Truth was, I became an attention seeker, because the more time he spent with me, the less he spent with her, and that meant she was safe. And in the end that was all that mattered''.

''Why did your granny never say anything?''.

''She said that, he was bigger than her in every way. That he would stop at nothing to keep her mouth shut. She was afraid of him, a lot of people were, he was Seamus Brady, and that name meant something. She did try sometimes, though. She used to bring me and Cheryl to her beach house back in Ireland during the summer, and that meant that he wouldn't be there. But my dad was full of surprises, and after hardly a week he'd be there, and it would happen again. Over and over. She never went back there after that, only once for a visit the day she died, I guess she thought it was tarnished after what had happened between me and my dad. She left the house for me in her will, so I could burn it to the ground. And that's what I did. It nearly killed me, too''.

''Emotionally?''.

''Physically. I guess there was a gas leak after I had lit the fire upstairs. I was standing in the doorway and the next thing I knew was there was an orange glow behind me. The explosion knocked me over ten foot down the garden apparently. I don't remember it, though''.

''Were you okay?''.

''Yeah, I was fine. It left a few scars, though, and a few burn marks, but I was up and running after a couple of days''.

''Have you lived your whole life around your father?''.

''No. I moved back to Dublin after I met my wife Eileen. I thought it was best for my kids to see as little of the man as possible. I didn't keep in touch, the only time I saw him after that was at my step-mother's funeral. That was years ago. And then back in December he turned up at my front door, and had the spine to ask me to say 'Hello'. He knew what he did to me, that I was that same little boy when he was around. I made it my duty to keep out of his way, and spent most of my time at Steven's. I avoided him until I felt like I had to go, so I left home and moved into Steven's flat with his kids. I needed to watch those two, too, especially when he was there''.

''Did you think he would have tried to do what he did to you with another child from the village?''.

''Well, before he died, he attempted it with me and I'm a grown man. Who knows what he's done over the years? The lives he's destroyed, the innocence he's taken. It's funny, he actually told me he was sorry. The week before he died, he apologised. And I know it wasn't enough, and I know it never would have been, but it felt like we were finally getting somewhere. And then the next week he came into my club, drunk, and told me he didn't mean it, that he took it all back. And that's when he started beating me, undressing himself as he did, and as he leaned down to me on the floor, I heard a bang, and then he was lying on his back, and I could see my sister with a gun in her hand''.

Brendan felt relief wash over him. The last five or ten minutes had been easier than he thought it would have been. He was free now, free of the burden it was holding over him. When this session was over, if he told her everything about his father, he could finally get rid of the man from his head for good. He lifted his cup to his mouth, losing sight of Sandy behind the cup as he drank.

''Did he ever make you feel like you deserved it? That it was your fault and you deserved everything that happened to you? Because you did''. Brendan stilled, not drinking anymore, his nerves shot. He lowered the cup, almost too afraid of what he was about to see. Whether he imagined it or not, he didn't want to find out if it was either. He didn't move, his body now completely still, as he watched Sandy writing notes on a clip-board, and watched the woman standing beside her. Cheryl. Brendan stood, panicking as he moved for the door.

''Where are you going? We have half an hour yet''.

''I have to go, and I don't think I'll be coming back''.

''But Brendan-''. He stopped and turned to her, Cheryl still watching him.

''No. I can't do this anymore. I can't do this''. He turned back around, walking out the door and ignoring Lindsay as she called for him to come back. He wasn't stopping for anybody.

* * *

Brendan stormed through the village, heading for the club. He needed a drink and he needed one now. He rushed down the street, walking into the courtyard before noticing the woman standing on the balcony watching him. He turned, and entered using the side door instead. He ran up the stairs, reached over the bar for a bottle of whiskey and pouring some into a glass. He sat down, sipping it, getting around the thoughts in his head. This was supposed to be working. This was supposed to stop it from happening. Why hasn't it helped? As he took another sip, he felt it warm his insides. There were two things in this world that can calm him down: whiskey, and Steven. And speaking of Steven...

He heard the side door close, and footsteps hurry up the stairs.

''You're not supposed to be here. You're not supposed to be drinking, Brendan''. 'Here we go...', he thought.

''I'm thirsty''.

''Then have some water. You need something that will hydrate ya, Brendan''.

''I want whiskey''.

''Brendan-''.

''Steven, just leave it, yeah?''. Brendan felt Steven's hand on his own.

''We need to talk about something''.

''Jesus, she was quick on her feet wasn't she?''.

''What?''.

''She's obviously rang ye, then. Probably told ye I walked out half way through. Probably told ye what a failure I am''.

''Are you talking about your counselor? Did you walk out of therapy?'', he asked.

''Yeah, I did, Steven. Anything to say about that?''.

''Why?''.

''Because...because I can't do it. Not even for you'', he said, walking towards the office.

''Is that right?''.

''Yep'', he said, slamming the office door behind him. End of conversation.

* * *

Brendan sat in his office for most of the day, sulking behind his desk with a bottle of whiskey to help him forget his troubles. Maxine popped by, attempting to get through to him, but his walls were built, and they weren't coming down any time soon. She eventually gave up, parting with some sort of come back that he didn't really pay attention to. It was something about him 'feeling sorry for himself yet again' or something like that. He shouldn't be like this, he should be at home with Steven right now, being happy like they were this morning. Therapy was supposed to help him, not make him feel worse about himself. It was supposed to mend his relationship with Steven, not break it.

He couldn't lose him ,not now. Not when they've come this far. It was only then that he realised that Steven wanted to talk to him about something, and that it was probably something to do with Amy's visit this morning. He could feel his mood begin to disappear, the thought of Steven putting him in a better mood. He suddenly wanted to see Steven, right now. He stood up from his desk and headed down the stairs. His heart was in his mouth at what he was seeing as he walked out the door.

Steven was up the road, putting a bag into the back of a taxi. He had pushed him too far this time. Steven was leaving him. Brendan felt tears pooling in the back of his eyes, and a sudden rush of adrenaline pump through his veins as he ran towards him in his panicked state. ''Steven?'', he called, and Steven turned around as Brendan approached him.

''Steven, where ye going?''.

''I'm going to Amy's for a few days'', he said, closing the boot of the taxi.

''Listen, if this is because of what I said earlier, I didn't mean it, okay? I'll go back to therapy. I'd do anything for you, you know that''. He was desperate now, he needed Steven now more than ever and he needed Steven to know that. ''Just stay with me, yeah?''.

''Brendan'', he tried, but Brendan felt his heart break at the thought of his next words.

''Please? I need to tell ye something''.

''Brendan'', he started. ''Mick passed away last night, and Amy wants me there for the kids''. Brendan was shaking now, he couldn't face the next few days on his own.

''Where ye even gonna tell me?''.

''I left a note. I have go now so I didn't have time to stop by the club. You were in a right state earlier anyway''.

''You can't go''.

''What? I have to''.

''You can't. I need you here''.

''It's only a couple of days''.

''I need you. My dad's funeral is on Sunday''.

''What?''.

''I can't do it without ye. I need you to be there with me''.

''I'll try and make it back by then'', he said, leaning forward to give him a goodbye kiss, before being held still by Brendan grabbing his shoulders.

''No, Steven please? Please don't leave me here on my own'', he begged, a whimper in his voice, tightening his grip on Steven.

''I can't. I need to be there for her''.

''You need to be _here_ for _me_''. Steven's eyes began to well up, a lot like Brendan's.

''I'm sorry''. Brendan closed his eyes, turning his head away. ''But I'll be back on Sunday. I promise''. Brendan turned his head back to face him, eyes open, silently pleading with him to stay. The taxi man beeped the horn, signalling for him to hurry up. ''I have to go'', he said, leaning forward to kiss Brendan, who turned his face away again, but Steven kissed him on the cheek anyway, even if Brendan didn't want it. Steven moved to the door, looking at Brendan, who was looking back with big, wet eyes. ''I love you''.

Brendan`gave him no response, just looked at him, tears reaching breaking point and ready to overflow. Steven gave a forced, weak smile, looking at the ground before getting in. It killed him to leave Brendan alone like this, and he wanted to stay, but he needed to be there for his kids. They had just lost their granddad, and Amy has just lost her father. But the difference between Amy and Brendan was that her father wasn't a monster who had beat her and abused her, who didn't deserve their child's presence at his funeral.

Brendan watched the taxi drive away, alone. He was alone. He'd have to face the next few days, alone. Steven was supposed to be there for him, to make him feel better about all this. Instead he was running off to Amy at the click of her fingers, choosing to be with her over him. He should have known. Amy always came first, and she always would in Steven's mind. He tried to run off with her in February. He didn't give Steven much choice but he didn't even try and fight for what they had, because everything's about Amy.

He turned around, noticing a figure watching him from the Chez Chez balcony, and he stared back at her, as she watched him from a distance, just staring at him. She was making him uncomfortable, so he walked away. He needed a drink, but didn't want to go back to that club again and drink on his own. He found himself outside the Dog, suddenly remembering his deal with Darren Osborne from a couple of months ago: free drinks on the house. He went in, sitting down at the bar, being acknowledged straight away by Darren who was standing there, head in his hands, looking bored.

''I'll have a whiskey there, Darren. On the house, of course''. Darren gave him an awkward smile.

''Right'', he smiled falsely, before walking down the bar and coming back down with a bottle and glass in hand. He left Brendan to it, moving on to the next customer, who was sitting down a few stools away from him. He was older than Brendan, and was wearing a cream suit. His hair was slightly grey, and he had the odd wrinkle in his skin. He was handsome, though, which was surprising to Brendan because he wasn't really his type. There was something about this man, though, that he just liked. There was something in him that just reminded him of Steven, but he was probably just over-thinking. Steven was heavy on his mind, that was probably why he saw the connection. There was no other reason for it.

''So have ya got money with ya today?'', Darren asked. The man looked bewildered, before sighing defeatedly.

''None on me, no''. Darren raised his eyebrows at him. ''Look, I've got money, I just haven't got my wallet on me, that's all''. Brendan couldn't help but not look away, he loves a good show. It was also the man who drew him in, but he still didn't know what it was about him. ''Can you not just put it on my tab?''. Darren shrugged his shoulders.

''Sorry, mate. I can't give out credit'', Darren dismissed, about to walk away.

''I'll get it'', Brendan muttered. ''On the house, of course'', he smiled smugly. Darren gave him a half-arsed smile, getting the man a beer, who appeared to be sitting next to Brendan now.

''Thanks for that'', he smiled, leaning into Brendan space.

''No bother'', Brendan muttered, trying to make it clear he's uninterested.

''I really did leave it at home, you know?''. Brendan grunted at him in response, taking another drink. ''So why are you here? Drinking all by yourself. I thought a guy like you would have ladies falling at your feet''.

''A guy like me?''.

''Handsome''. Brendan grunted again.

''I'm not a fan of the ladies, myself''. The man's interest piqued, and he raised an eyebrow, smiling as he took a mouthful of his beer.

''So, why are you here alone?'', the man asked.

''I'm drowning my sorrows'', he said vaguely.

''Over what?''. Brendan turned to him.

''You really do ask a lot of questions, don't ye mate?''.

''So it's over a guy, then?''. Brendan sat back, relaxing in his chair, taking another drink.

''You're not wrong there, mate''.

''My name's Danny, by the way. You don't have to keep calling me mate''. Brendan grunted. ''Aren't ya gonna tell me yours?''.

''Brendan'', he muttered.

''So who's this guy?'', he asked, unknowingly testing Brendan's patience, but he wasn't gonna lash out. He might get kicked out or lose his right to free drinks. He couldn't be having that.

''No one ye know''.

''Try me''.

''His names' Steven''.

''I knew a Steven once. A long time ago''.

''Fascinating'', Brendan muttered. Danny sighed, smiling at his new friend's frustration.

''He must be worth all this, then''.

''All this...''.

''Brooding. Moaning. Sighing. Huffing...''.

''He might be. I don't know to be honest''.

''Having second thoughts?''. Brendan didn't answer, as he felt Danny shuffle closer, placing his hand on Brendan's lap. Brendan turned to him, sitting straight, watching Danny. ''He obviously doesn't know what he's missing''. He leaned closer, and Brendan let him. ''I'd like to know what he's missing''. Brendan almost laughed at the cheesiness. ''And I think you'd like to show me''. Danny leaned forward, opening his mouth as he did, closing his eyes. Brendan's body stilled, and he leaned forward slightly along with the other man. As they drew closer, Brendan closed his eyes, seeing one face in his mind: Steven's. Brendan shot back, and Danny's face formed a confused expression at the lack of contact between them.

Brendan stood up and darted out the door, abandoning the other man and his drink. What was he thinking? He loved Steven. 'Steven', he reassured himself.

Steven.

**Thanks for reading :) Please leave a review and let me know what you think!**


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